Should I help a friend in debt?

strawberrypud

Not by giving her money - I don't have any spare! But by telling her my opinion and offering to help her budget?

My friend has credit card debts and can't get any more credit cards and rents a flat but is talking about spending thousands in January alone on an engagement ring (buying her own because her OH is even more in debt than she is) and having an expensive holiday. I'm pretty good with my money and would love to offer to help her work out a budget and encourage her to try to get out of debt, they want to start a family in the future but she does worry about money. I want to tell her to not book a holiday and that a £200 ring not a £1000 one would be fine for now and they can always get a better one in the future etc.

I don't know whether to speak up or keep my mouth shut?

Dellers

Is this a wind up ?.......................................... If not then do not give her money.She needs to work out a budget so thats great if you can help her with that. Obviously she does not realise what debt she is in if she wants to get another engagement ring and a holiday .

theoretica

Why not tell her you are concerned and enthuse about this site? If she wants to sort her finances out she will have lots of help and if not hopefully she won't feel you are nagging.

Frankie231

I'd tell her your concerns and offer your help if she asks for it. And £1000 on an engagement ring!? My ring cost about £50.00 as at the time we had NOTHING, that was 3 years ago and is still just as pretty as the day we bought it. My OH has begged me to let him buy a more expensive one when we're out of debt and I keep saying no. My £50.00 ring means much more to me than some flashy diamond and personally, I think meaning is worth much more that expense.

I_luv_cats

Why don't you ask your friend gently over a glass of wine if they are concerned about money and say you will support them getting advice from an advice agency if they are.

If not, I don't think a lecture would go down very well. It could put a damper on your friendship!!!

rak2

I agree with broaching the subject with her and pointing her in the direction of this site.
On the other hand, I don't think she will take any action until she's ready. Just be there for her.

Recently I dithered and dithered about sorting out my mess and just couldn't face it on my own so I asked my friend to help me.
She came round, helped me do my SOA, find out exactly how much I owed and discussed options of what I could do next, with the help of ideas from this site.
I couldn't have done that on my own, I was too close to it and too emotional about money, whereas she was once removed and it was easier for her to be objective.
I was unable to open the post even, which she had no qualms about doing.
I am so glad I asked her.

Jennie_2

You can only help people if they truly want to be helped. Some people like to whinge but at the end of the day aren't prepared to change their lives and make changes.

geoffky

she will crash and burn soon and some people do not like to face reality until it hits them in the face,,,beware you might lose a freind.

niccatw

There's a fine balance and firstly you need to fond out if your friend and you have the same attitude to money. You can see from my signature what I owe. I have one friend who thinks I'm worrying about nothing because it's not a lot of debt. Another who won't enter into conversation with my when I go on one of my stressed out rants. Because he prefers to keep his head in the sand (by his own admission). And another friend who is horrified by my debt but can't see that she is going down that very same route right now.I'm never going to change their minds. But I am very open about the amount of debt I'm in, what I'm doing about it and what I find difficult about it. I would, however, have been very wary of taking advice from a friend who has never been in my position. I'm not saying don't do it, rather, just be aware that it won't necessarily be appreciated, or implemented even if it is appreciated. As with all friendships, you can only be there when you are needed - so by offering your services if they are needed/wanted, is perhaps as much as you will be able to do.

copperjar

I agree with Jennie. I used to (still do if I'm honest) worry sick about my ex, even though I was in more debt than her. I'd always be the one to put a dampner on things when she wanted to buy something expensive - are you sure you can afford it (she couldn't!), lets look at your budget etc. In the end, I was always the bad !!!!!! and she'd buy the stuff anyway. She didn't want my advice and it just caused rows. You could talk to your friend about your own money worries and hope she opens up to you about hers, but if she doesn't want advice, she'll just resent you for giving it.

eco

I agrre with the other posters, I was going out with a lad who was in debt he was on a DMP, and i tried to get him to look at this site, but he wouldn't as far as he was concerned he was sorting the problem, I don't know how much debt it was he would never tell me, he'd just say it was a lot. I worry about money and we split up cos I couldn't handle his attitude to it, and he was sick of me looking worried and asking questions about it. TBH I think we would still have split up so if you are going to broach the subject choose your words carefully some people just don't get how this site helps in so many ways.