In a bit of a pickle and in need of some advice...

FuzzyDog

It's my first time posting, but I've seen the advice and support that you seem to offer so am hoping you'll be able to help me!

My marriage is on it's last legs (for reasons I won't go into) and it's likely that my husband and I will be separating in the near future. I need to get my options and plans straight in my head before I do anything silly!

We both work (I earn £20.5k pa and he earns about £26k pa) and we don't have any children.

Our joint debts are only our mortgage and an unsecured loan (Blooming Northern Rock 'Together')

Unfortunately, our house is in negative equity - our outstanding mortgage is £134k and the property is probably worth about £120k.

The balance on the unsecured loan is about £28k.

In addition to these I have a credit card with a balance of £2.5k and I'm sure he has an overdraft of about £2k (but we have separate bank accounts so I'm not entirely sure). The only other debt we have is to Eon who messed up our bill last year, so we are paying off extra each month to clear this. I have been saving (to make my escape!) and have about £2.5k in the bank.

The problem is, if (when) we separate neither of us will be able to afford to keep the house on our own and whichever of us leaves will not be able to afford to pay much (if anything) towards the mortgage in addition to renting somewhere else to live.

I really feel trapped at the moment and don't know what to do for the best. I suppose I've got 2 options:

Leave the house, rent somewhere and go BR or ask my husband to leave the house and go BR anyway

As I'm going to have a whole load of issues to deal with anyway I'd like whatever I do to be as quick and 'painless' as possible.

Can you please let me know your thoughts - please feel free to ask if you need any more information...

Many thanks
FuzzyDog

tigerfeet2006

The first thing is to ring the debt charities and go through your options with them.

After talking to them you decide you are going BR it would be best to get a rental before doing the deed. If this is the case then stop paying all debts and mortgage. Save this money for your deposit, rent, agency fees, moving costs and BR fees. Find your new place, move and then go BR.

FuzzyDog

Thanks for your advice - I was beginning to think there was no-one there!

I know I need to contact one of the debt charities before I do anything - the way things are in my head at the moment though I don't think I'd be able to have more than a two minute conversation about things without bursting into tears... It's taken me a couple of weeks to pluck up the courage to post here. I think putting things out in the open - taking them out of your head - makes them that much more real

With regard to renting somewhere, do you think it would be wise to tell the agency/landlord the circumstances? I've heard that lots of tenancy agreements have clauses where you have to leave the property if you're bankrupt, but as you don't get to see the agreement until you've paid all of your admin fees etc how would you know if that clause was there beforehand...

Thanks again...

confused76

hi fuzzydog
i don't have much to add but i didn't want to read and run.....

i know before i rang the national debtline i was putting it off for days, but i am so glad i did ring them... they were so helpful and non-judgemental, and by the time i came off the phone i knew exactly where i stood.

it's a very distressing time once you realise you need to do something...but everything is solvable. all i can suggest is read up as much as you can on here and the debt free wannabe board, and take some advice. do you have a friend you can confide in?

take care and keep posting x

FuzzyDog

Thanks Confused76!
I have a good friend who is more than happy to talk about my relationship problems but when I start talking about the financial implications she gets a bit of a glazed look! I really don't want to burden my family with it all either.
I just don't know if I'll be able to deal with everything all in one go and deal with all of the guilt too... If I leave, I'm effectively making my husband bankrupt too, aren't I?

confused76

i know, it's difficult. my family were supportive but i got most of my practical information from here.

if you were to go bankrupt, any joint debts would fall to your husband, so he could continue paying or go bankrupt himself. it's tough, and i think there are plenty of people in the same boat. have you discussed what would happen to your finances if you split, or are you keeping these feelings to yourself at the moment? x

tigerfeet2006

FuzzyDog wrote: »

Thanks for your advice - I was beginning to think there was no-one there!

I know I need to contact one of the debt charities before I do anything - the way things are in my head at the moment though I don't think I'd be able to have more than a two minute conversation about things without bursting into tears... It's taken me a couple of weeks to pluck up the courage to post here. I think putting things out in the open - taking them out of your head - makes them that much more real The charities are used to dealing with distressed people and there have been several people on here who have reported breaking down on the phone when talking to them and they have all reported great understanding and compassion.

With regard to renting somewhere, do you think it would be wise to tell the agency/landlord the circumstances? I've heard that lots of tenancy agreements have clauses where you have to leave the property if you're bankrupt, but as you don't get to see the agreement until you've paid all of your admin fees etc how would you know if that clause was there beforehand... The BR clause is not a "if you go BR we chuck you out clause". It is a " if you go BR and owe us several thousand pounds and put it in the BR so we loose money, then we can takes steps to get you out clause". Some LL are wary of BR because of problems with insurance or they do not understand what it is all about. Entirely up to you but you vould find a place and get in and pay the rent for a few months so they know you are a good bet and then go BR you shouldhave no problems. If you explain before you go BR that it means you will have your SoA approved by the OR who makes sure you have enough money to live on including rent and you will have debts so rent is always your priority.


Thanks again...

Hope that helps

FuzzyDog

I'm keeping all my feelings to myself at the moment, with regards to my husband. I feel like I need to know what I'm going to do and have the wheels in motion before I open my mouth as I think once it's all out in the open then things will be unbearable at home... I almost wish that I could slip out in the middle of the night without any scene or confrontation - I owe him better than that though...

With regard to the joint debts, I think that I've read that secured debts aren't included in bankruptcy so am worried that some time down the line I'll find myself liable for a huge shortfall on the mortgage - if you have any advice on this it would be great

Thanks again
FuzzyDog

FuzzyDog

Thanks Tigerfeet 2006 - it's just all so daunting!

I know that I need to speak to one of the debt charities - it's so hard though both in terms of bravery and discretion! I'm either at work or with my husband (I'm kept on quite a short leash - I'm using a wireless dongle and have set up a new user account on the pc to post tonight, so hopefully he won't be able to track my web browsing history!)

I'm not a jellyfish - I have a spine! I'm going to do it on Monday!

Thanks again xx

Troythecat

Hello fuzzydog, I am sorry to hear you are having difficulties with your marriage as well as financial *hugs*

I am sure others will be along with useful info...
Just wanted to say I put off for so long contacting anyone about our mounting debt for fear of being judged.. However, contacting my local council debt advisor service was the best thing ever and she has been so helpful. Things are now being sorted out and I wish I had done it sooner rather than struggle on.

I do hope you get some help X

FuzzyDog

Thanks Troythecat.

I'm 'owned' by a 'mini lurcher' and I don't know what I'd do without him at the moment - he always listens but isn't so good on the advice though :-)

With regard to getting advice, my employers offer a free counselling service, which apparently give debt advice too. Would it be worthwhile contacting them or do you think it would be better to go to one of the dedicated debt organisations? I think I'm asking because they also offer counselling for everything else - relationships, family problems, work etc which I think I might need too.

Speaking of work, the company I work for is authorised and regulated by the FSA, although I don't think my role is... do you think I should check before I go any further along the BR? I can handle losing my husband and my home, but if my job were in jeopardy too...

It's all too much for my little brain to process...