Feeling lonely in dealing with debt

stupidlyindebt

I'm dealing with debt that is manageable, given my salary, but I haven't told anyone I know about it and I'm feeling really lonely and struggling with feeling this huge weight on me alone.

I live alone and although I have family living nearby I feel too ashamed to tell anyone lose about what is happening. I earn more than anyone else in the family and I shouldn't have got into this position.

I can see a way out - my payments are manageable - but for the next couple of months things are going to be extremely tight and I feel so frightened and alone and miserable with the way things are.

I am constantly making excuses to family and friends as to why I can't do things that cost money. I am feeling tired every day, and I am worried that my good job is going to suffer if I can't sort myself out.

I don't know why I am posting really - I just wondered if anyone else had ever felt like this and how they got through it.

Annie_Fanny

stupidlyindebt wrote:

I'm dealing with debt that is manageable, given my salary, but I haven't told anyone I know about it and I'm feeling really lonely and struggling with feeling this huge weight on me alone.

I live alone and although I have family living nearby I feel too ashamed to tell anyone lose about what is happening. I earn more than anyone else in the family and I shouldn't have got into this position.

I can see a way out - my payments are manageable - but for the next couple of months things are going to be extremely tight and I feel so frightened and alone and miserable with the way things are.

I am constantly making excuses to family and friends as to why I can't do things that cost money. I am feeling tired every day, and I am worried that my good job is going to suffer if I can't sort myself out.

I don't know why I am posting really - I just wondered if anyone else had ever felt like this and how they got through it.

Hey stupidlyindebt

Don't feel sad and alone! There are loads of us here all working towards paying off our debts - so there is almost always somebody around here or you could try the MoneySavers Arms!

This forum helps a lot of people so please feel free to post again....

Hugs and welcome!

Annie
Xx

yung

well you won't be lonely anymore here as there is lots of good peoples around here to help, it is sometime hard to tell your close relative about your circumtances but the quicker you tell them the better you will feel about. so try and find a good moment when you can tell them good luck

malvena_2

Stupidlyindebt

Your story could be mine, except mine gonna take a bit longer than a few month to pay off. I havent told my family either for the same reasons. I guess thats why this site is so good, when reading it you know you are not alone. In the past few weeks i have been logging on it has raised my spirits enourmously. Just think how fab we will all feel once we beat the debt.

Keep your chin up and feel free to contact me if you feel like a good grumble.

malvena

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Hi Sid !!

Any burden carried alone can be a lonely business, here is the place to share it.

It sounds like you have a plan to get debt free.

What about posting a SOA ?

What about arranging a few small (cheap) treats for yourself in the near future as a reward for your progress ?

chin up !

I wish you well.

gibboking

I felt like you until i confessed all to my parents (when they came round and caught me sobbing). They took it much better than i expected and offered great advice. if you cant talk to your family we are always here to lend an ear, advice and share experiences. Do you have a friend you could talk to?
or call one of the free debt helplines like CCCS or payplan both are highly recommended by us debt free wannabes.
hope this helps a little.

new_leaf_6

I sympathise sid - if you post here you'll get a lot of support. I have solved my debt problems by being made redundant. I'm going to clear everything off and start again. If I hadn't found this site, I'd be making plans to spend, spend, spend so stick with the posters here. I've felt exhausted thinking about money and feel that you have to just be plain speaking with family & friends saying that you want to take a break from spending money will-nilly. They may even think you're saving it - you don't need to tell them about your loans etc.
Good luck - you can do - you've done the hardest thing - acknowledged your lightbulb moment.

ZTD

stupidlyindebt wrote:

I live alone and although I have family living nearby I feel too ashamed to tell anyone lose about what is happening. I earn more than anyone else in the family and I shouldn't have got into this position.

I can see a way out - my payments are manageable - but for the next couple of months things are going to be extremely tight and I feel so frightened and alone and miserable with the way things are.

You will feel alone, if you're shutting out your family and friends. Is there no one you can confide in? "Shouldn't this" and "shouldn't that" be damned - it's not like you've killed anyone.

stupidlyindebt wrote:

I am constantly making excuses to family and friends as to why I can't do things that cost money. I am feeling tired every day, and I am worried that my good job is going to suffer if I can't sort myself out.

Why don't you go to them proactivly, with cheap days/nights out? Taking a bunch of kids to the beach for example shouldn't really cost that much provided you prepare properly, and take food/refreshments with you.

stupidlyindebt

Thanks all - my debt is going to take more than a few months to pay off - I've had to take a secured loan on top of my mortgage - but the last few months and the next few months are particularly tight because I've chosen to borrow the absolute minimum and give myself the opposite of a 'payment holiday' if you see what I mean. I am being really tough on myself to get myself on track.

I feel scared to post an SOA because I feel frightened that I might in some way identify myself. I am terrified of what people who know me would think of me if they found out. I want so much for people to see me as 'someone who copes'. There is enough going on amongst family and friends without me adding to it with problems that I have brought upon myself.

Thank you. It feels a relief even to talk about it on here, though I wish I could feel able to discuss it with someone in real life.

stupidlyindebt

ZTD wrote:

You will feel alone, if you're shutting out your family and friends. Is there no one you can confide in? "Shouldn't this" and "shouldn't that" be damned - it's not like you've killed anyone.


QUOTE]

I wish I felt able to confide in someone. I am so tired of being the one to whom everyone else turns. I am sobbing as I write this and I don't know how to begin to change things.

ZTD

stupidlyindebt wrote:

I feel scared to post an SOA because I feel frightened that I might in some way identify myself.

They are just numbers. If it's something like "Fortnum and Mason's Hamper Saving Scheme" that you think you're the only person in the country to have, just say "Debt 1".

stupidlyindebt wrote:

I am terrified of what people who know me would think of me if they found out.

I know this may sound glib - but deny it. We had someone who was convinced they knew another poster about 2 days ago. They were wrong.

stupidlyindebt wrote:

I want so much for people to see me as 'someone who copes'.

But you are coping. Explain to me carefully (because I can be a bit dense) how someone who is throwing themselves into paying off their debt is somehow "not coping".

stupidlyindebt wrote:

There is enough going on amongst family and friends without me adding to it with problems that I have brought upon myself.

So why have they burdened you with their problems if you are forbidden from talking about yours?

stupidlyindebt wrote:

Thank you. It feels a relief even to talk about it on here, though I wish I could feel able to discuss it with someone in real life.

We are real life. This is no more fake than holding a piece of plastic in your hand that imitates your mother's voice (a telephone).