I got into debt trying to keep a roof over my head and yet....

Zulu_Dawn

Beany982 wrote:

Zulu Dawn, We are in a similar position in that I recently found out that my husband had run up some shocking gambling debts & things had become very bad without me knowing. I find it amazing that the credit card companies will allow a person to go over their limit by almost double when it is obvious where the money is going & this is what happened to my husband. People who don't understand addiction may see this as being reckless but unfotunately mu husband was scared of losing me & so kept going to try & get back what he had lost! Anyway, its been a struggle but he is now in a DMP with payplab and we aim to slowly & surely pay back the money over the next 8 years rather than go down the bankrupcy option becasue of our jobs and also the fact that this is money that we owe & we certainly intend, like you, to do our best & pay it back!!

Hi beany982,

Firstly my sympathies. Gambling is a terrible illness and I really feel for you. Secondly my congratulations to your husband in confiding in you and to you for continuing to support him. It is the hardest thing to admit to those you love what an idiot you have been. I am not ready for it yet but will do so as soon as I am able.
Thirdly may I commend to you and your husband a wonderful website for CGs and their partners run by Gordon House. They have a forum much like this and there is a wonderful support network available.
Finally all the very best for the future. It sounds like you are taking your responsibilities seriously and making wonderful progress. All I can offer in comfort is that when I was gambling, I was an awful husband, cruel, mean, selfish, unkind, lacking in self-respect and bent on destruction of everything I loved and cared for. If you have stuck with your husband through this you can expect to see the man you thought he was come back to you slowly as I hope I have done to my family.

You should be very proud of yourself.

Good luck,


ZD

going2die_rich

Beany982 wrote:

Zulu Dawn, We are in a similar position in that I recently found out that my husband had run up some shocking gambling debts & things had become very bad without me knowing. I find it amazing that the credit card companies will allow a person to go over their limit by almost double when it is obvious where the money is going & this is what happened to my husband. People who don't understand addiction may see this as being reckless but unfotunately mu husband was scared of losing me & so kept going to try & get back what he had lost! Anyway, its been a struggle but he is now in a DMP with payplab and we aim to slowly & surely pay back the money over the next 8 years rather than go down the bankrupcy option becasue of our jobs and also the fact that this is money that we owe & we certainly intend, like you, to do our best & pay it back!!

But wouldn't your husband be deemed as an addict as soon as he went into his credit limit anyway as its money he doesn't have? Rationally thinking he could have walked away after losing his money but as soon as you went into any sort of debt you were gambling on money that wasn't yours so you were addicted with at least the thought you'd make the money back?

The banks stopping him with money would surely just have meant he'd have gone else where for the money (loansharks, selling items, loans on the property etc) as the only point he faced his troubles is when he came clean or you found out.

I think it's easy to blame the banks for giving money away but them not giving the money away wouldn't have stopped him becoming addicted as it was his mindset of not knowing when to stop and always expecting that big win that was the issue. The debt was a result of his addiction. Had he won, he would have most likely still gambled it away as gamblers that become addicted don't know when to quit and a win is never big enough to call it a day. You don't just have to lose all the time to be deemed a addict, you can just as easily win, but the effects on your life aren't as negative as those losing the money, but you still have the same problems.

going2die_rich

Zulu_Dawn wrote:

...and there I depart from thinking you are a sane man.

Oh and there are two c's in correction.

Who would want to be sane in a crazy world

Richard_S

going2die_rich wrote:

So for the sake of "one off's" like your father, we as a society should risk people who have claimed bankruptcy once already to be given back their credit to do try again?

I think you'll find not many people can make a million once, let alone twice. I also think you are selling your father short as if he can bounce back from bankruptcy and betrayal once, he could do it 7 years further down the line. Some people just have that talent. I think it shows a true sense of responsibility for someone to pay back something they've had wiped clean and therefore didn't have to pay it back. But I still believe even with the exceptional people like your father that the bankruptcy term needs to be longer as a deterant and also as a punishment.

PS:If I had been your father I'd have used my first lot of money in finding the partner so that he could help in repaying the debt by selling his organs on the black market

Wow going2die_rich,

If only human beings were computerised robots then your black & white view of the world would be so appropriate. Until then I think you would be well advised to study a selection of business biographies and economic text books.

Definitely going to die

Rich

Beany982

Zulu_Dawn wrote:

Hi beany982,

Firstly my sympathies. Gambling is a terrible illness and I really feel for you. Secondly my congratulations to your husband in confiding in you and to you for continuing to support him. It is the hardest thing to admit to those you love what an idiot you have been. I am not ready for it yet but will do so as soon as I am able.
Thirdly may I commend to you and your husband a wonderful website for CGs and their partners run by Gordon House. They have a forum much like this and there is a wonderful support network available.
Finally all the very best for the future. It sounds like you are taking your responsibilities seriously and making wonderful progress. All I can offer in comfort is that when I was gambling, I was an awful husband, cruel, mean, selfish, unkind, lacking in self-respect and bent on destruction of everything I loved and cared for. If you have stuck with your husband through this you can expect to see the man you thought he was come back to you slowly as I hope I have done to my family.

You should be very proud of yourself.

Good luck,


ZD

Thanks, I hope that you manage to confide in someone you love eventually as I've seen a big change in my husband since he came clean. I married my husband for better or worse in sickness & i health & I certainly wasn't going to leave him over it! We now have our get out of debt date & things are looking up. Good luck xxx

ZTD

Please don't feed the trolls.

Tr@cker

Rationality gives way to fantasy to an addicted gambler. My very best wishes to Zula Dawn and beanie. Chin up.

Tr@cker

Thats Beany.

Tr@cker

And Zulu dawn.

earwig

ZTD wrote:

Please don't feed the trolls.

who the troll