Obtaining a Mortgage with a Partner in Debt - SoA now included

lottie32

Thats great advise, thank you! I did wonder how I would get a higher mortgage without any input from my parter (as I have to appply alone) but I didnt concider the bills would be halved thus increasing my disposable income! Lightbulb Moment!

How great is this board and the people on it!!

dumpy

Hi Lottie

He's still hasn't really had a full LBM, it's dimly flickering but it's not there yet. So a bit difficult to say what he is going to do. You seem a step further forward than us on that one! I think he will find it very difficult to sort out and I'm willing to help him but he has to want to do it....


In the mean time I KNOW we have somewhere to live and that all the bills will get paid and I can sleep at night. We have an arrangement where he pays me a set amount each week and I sort out everything. In a way it's helped by the fact that I earn about 5 times as much as him, so I'm happy to pay more towards the household and can easily afford to but I won't pay his bills.

In fact I don't see at any point that we will become financially linked, to me it's a bit like letting a kiddie lose in a sweet shop or offering an gambler to pay for their bets.

Proabably sounds stark raving mad to anyone else but it works for us.

lottie32

it is not mad but completely sensible!!! You are in exactly the same situation as me where I earn more than my partner and am happy to pay for most stuff as he is such a generous person and ALWAYS pays his way where he can and I have to stop him spending money on me at times as I know that he cant really afford it.

I think that we will always keep our finances separate like you so I have piece of mind. I am sure that in the near future we will have a simular set up where he just gives me what he can afford to the household stuff and the bills will just come out of my account.

When he first told me about his situation a year or so back I was in shock for ages and still find it hard to believe. I know that deep down he wants the situation to be sorted (or best of all go away!) I have tried to support him as much as I can be he does not know what to do and I certainly am not qualified to really advise as I have never (or dont know anyone else) i his situation. Hence, why this board has been so great. I do feel more relaxed about things now and for our future. I dont want to let money worries get in the way of a great relationship - after all, it does not matter who pays for what, just that things get paid for and we dont have bailiffs at our door trying to take our stuff.

It was not until a few days ago that I learned that I will not be responsible for his debts and my credit wont be effected when we get married which was worrying me. I felt very selfish for letting this worry me but he could see where I was coming from and understood why it was worrying me.

Dumpy - thank you so much for replying to my plea, hearing from you really has made this situation seem better and that I am not the only one in the situation.