Early-retirement wannabe

dreaming

Well postman brought my pension estimate from work. There were a couple of things missed off, and 1 thing not totally clear so I have gone back asking for clarification. However, using the figures they have provided my budget seems ok (is there a huge sigh of relief emoticon?). The bits missed off will (should) make slight differences in monthly income (upwards) so if I work on figures given then it's all good.
Haven't started front garden yet as have been playing around with spread-sheets instead, and it is baking out there at the moment. Sun will move round to back of house soon so might make a start - or then again I might not. I have to say I am a bit wary of lapsing into doing not very much at all but am treating the first couple of weeks as holidays then have planned a few things which will require a bit more structure to my days (evening classes/voluntary work), but also don't want to tie myself up time-wise again.

Freecall

ermine

Marine_life wrote: »

My wife is against me retiring next year because she is worried. Well actually not really “worried” but more apprehensive.
Why?
Well two reasons. Firstly she worries about the chair thing.

I'm with her on that. It sounds bizarre, but whatever floats your boat (I'm kidding, but it does come across as odd )

Marine_life wrote: »

Or rather she worries more specifically about what I / we will do once I have retired. And to be honest I think it is a fair concern. After all the job is so 100% full on so I imagine that once I stop it will be like stepping out of a washing machine after the spin cycle i.e. it will take a little while for me to regain my bearings. But it has to happen at some point so why not now when there is still time to do something different?

There is more to life than work. A lot more, in fact finishing work is more like exiting a dark tunnel that you entered some time after school. Put it this way

If you are still working once you have reached financial independence then I put it to you that you are not living life to the full That is only my opinion, I respect the choices of the Calvinists among us.

FWIW I am over a year after retiring, and less than halfway through the adjustment.. It is a big change.

Marine_life wrote: »

Secondly she worries about the money side of things and more specifically the huge fall in income we will have.

She is right to worry about this, because the change is a difficult transition. All these years you have been standing in the shower of income, which is what most people do, and so most things about personal finance are set up that way. All of a sudden that shower will stop. You will look in your accounts and think holy crap, there are HUGE numbers in there once you have pinged your pension money out. You will transfer some of that into income because you probably have to legally.

I froze when I first retired, spent hardly anything. Okay I was tired and stressed, I couldn't get a handle on what I had. I felt like your wife did. I was surrounded by cash because I had saved about four years in gross salary in total (most held in S&S ISA/trading accounts). But I couldn't believe this would pay me an income, even though I had seen it do, at about 5%, ever since 2009.

Slowly, imperceptibly but steadily the stress began to fade. With that I gain balance and awareness of what my financial situation is, and it's better than I thought. By a long chalk. My pension is still deferred, including the majority of my PCLS cash savings which are in AVCs. I have no income other than the dividends on my non-ISA account - I reinvest the income from my ISA, because I don't need it. Yes, at the moment my OH picks up a bit more than I do, as conversely I did when she was establishing her business, there is an ebb and flow to finances in a marriage.

From your postings you appear to crave structure in your life, there's absolutely nothing wrong in that, apart from the fact that work is a large part of that structure at the moment.

Believe in yourself. You can dream your own dream, or co-create a dream with the people who are important in your life. Talk to them, paint the future. That chair should be be a bench, with place for your wife, maybe both physically and metaphorically. If it has only place for one then kidding apart, it's transmitting a message to her that this is your journey, and of course she wonders if she will have a ticket for the journey or see the train receding into the distance.

You can have structure. Once work no longer provides it you must make it. On the upside it will fit you better than the arbitrary structure of the workplace.

Marine_life wrote: »

But I don’t think she has yet adjusted to the huge fall in expenses we will also have. We have just four more mortgage payments to go on our house and because we have been maximizing our payments we’ve been paying around €4,000 per month the last couple of years. So I am hoping that once that’s gone she starts adjusting here thinking.

You're a clever guy, and from somewhere else in this thread I believe you work in business accounting? I'm sure that you have this right. But it's scary for those of us who don't work with money day to day. Unfortunately we have to live this to believe it. I am much more like your wife, I had to learn to wrangle finance, switching this through the theoretical and intellectual side of my mind and trying to keep the emotional side in balance from ever running scared. You deal with finance day to day. Most of us don't, and these sorts of all-or-nothing decisions scare the bejesus out of us.

Marine_life wrote: »

How do people deal with their other half?

Take her with you, mate. I'd say that's the issue here. Listen. What are her concerns and fears. Talk them over, paint the future. It won't be exactly the future you will live, because the best laid plans of mice and men etc. You have the big picture right, financially. But a live well lived is about more than money. It's about shared values, shared experiences, the adventure. It's colouring in the experience of being human in a time where we have stupendous resources at our hands for self-actualisation.

Oh and do something about that chair. The symbolism isn't right. Either put another one next to it or swap it for a swing bench facing West to the sunset and a table for a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses. Or whatever it is you two enjoy doing together.

Retirement isn't all about money. It isn't all about work. It isn't all about you, because there are other people in your life. Who have been hearing an awful lot about what you will need to do - reasonably because it will be you taking the immediate actions. Maybe your good lady wife needs to hear a bit more about what "we" will be doing after you pack it in a work. That doesn't mean you'll suddenly become joined at the hip - you need separate interests too else you'll fail to individuate, but I sincerely hope and wish that you'll both do some of the growing older and wiser with and informed by each other!

BeatTheSystem

ermine wrote: »

If you are still working once you have reached financial independence then I put it to you that you are not living life to the full That is only my opinion, I respect the choices of the Calvinists among us.

Just got into the position where I could retire @45 but doing so would deplete the pre-retirement fund before 55. So staying on purely so I can pay for the kids university and house deposits. If I did not have kids I would have quit work. I sort of see it as my Calvanistic duty to take full advantage of my earning potential in order to provide for my kids whose earning capacity is not realised and may never be. Whatever happens they are gone at 55 then I am free! So 10 years more pain for me.

richbeth

Marine_life wrote: »

How do people deal with their other half?

I just do what I'm told, doesn't everyone else

Seriously though we have similar issues, we both work but the question of "what does financial independence look like?" causes a lot of discussion. However this discussion has ended up with us both having a better understanding of each others aspirations and we have agreed on a compromise (let's see if that changes !).

At the moment I would quite happily sell up move from the South east, buy a little house somewhere cheaper then sit in the garden for a few months recharging my batteries before starting to do lots of lots of things which I haven't had the time to do - more education, more exercise, more hobby stuff, new experiences and more sitting around doing nothing.

My wife wants a small holding with sheep, pigs, horses, donkeys etc and then she wants to run a B&B or something because she feels the need to work (I don't feel the need to work one bit !). The small holding obviously requires more funds.

Our compromise is we'll work for maybe 3-4 years longer than I'd ideally like, buy the smallholding but have enough savings/investments so that generating an income is optional thing we can do if we want to (or ever need to).

I figure this is quite a decent compromise as I actually like the idea of a small holding and think/hope she will forget about 'work' once we don't have to do it and get out of that mindset. If we can do this before my 50th I'll be happy and so will she. I find Ermine's posts on the subject of post retirement very thoughtful and inspiring as I can see a lot of myself and my wife in his working-self so expect to go through the phases he mentions.

Marriage is always a compromise it's just agreeing the details

Richard

Goldiegirl

Marine_life wrote: »

Well two reasons. Firstly she worries about the chair thing. Or rather she worries more specifically about what I / we will do once I have retired. And to be honest I think it is a fair concern. After all the job is so 100% full on so I imagine that once I stop it will be like stepping out of a washing machine after the spin cycle i.e. it will take a little while for me to regain my bearings. But it has to happen at some point so why not now when there is still time to do something different?
Secondly she worries about the money side of things and more specifically the huge fall in income we will have. But I don’t think she has yet adjusted to the huge fall in expenses we will also have. We have just four more mortgage payments to go on our house and because we have been maximizing our payments we’ve been paying around €4,000 per month the last couple of years. So I am hoping that once that’s gone she starts adjusting here thinking.
How do people deal with their other half?

How do people deal with their other half ? It's easy for me, because we are 100% on the same page, and we will be stopping work at the same time.

Our current plans are to stop about a year before my husband is 65. I'll be 55 at that time. We'll have a 12 month period where the only money coming in will be our current pensions, before my husbands state pension and his other pension kicks in. But we are both in agreement that time is more important than money at that point. We feel that having all that time to do as we please will not be too much of a shock to our systems, as I'm now only working two days a week and my husband works four days a week, so we've certainly taken our foot off the pedal.

Re the chair you mention....... I'm with your wife on that. We have a nickname for that sort of chair in this house. It's 'The Chair Of Doom'. The sort of chair you sit in and brood and ponder and watch mindless TV and drink too much and get depressed. Although we want to relax in our retirement, we also want to have activities and outings... so sitting in The Chair Of Doom for 30 years after retirement will not be on the agenda. If I were you, I'd put the chair idea on the backburner!

melanzana

As I am on the road to early retirement, all the gods willing and all that, I have really enjoyed reading this thread. Thank you.

I am female, and will retire early (touch bois) August 2014. In my previous post I set out my circumstances.

I have an OH part time! Hey it's brilliant...he has his house in the country about 40 minutes drive from me, and I own mine (outright) 20 minutes from the city, best of both worlds. We have our space and hook up regularly.

I don't think that will change too much on my retirement really, maybe just different days, and a bit longer now and then. Important to keep independence, for me and him. Some might find that odd, but believe me,it's wonderful!

Anyhow, I actually plan to do NOTHING for at least six months, apart from lazing around etc. I think after that time I will get a bit bored and it will encourage me to do something to fill my time. But maybe I will be happy doing nothing? Maybe. Apart from walking every second day, and swimming twice a week, which i do anyway, indolence sounds great to me!

I am so fortunate to have a park at the back of my little house. A back gate takes me straight in so I could walk in my pjs if necessary, and I have done! The public swimming pool is five minutes cycle across the park too.

I count my blessings every day. Every day.

I think sometimes there is far too much pressure on retirees to HAVE A PLAN AND DO THINGS! Just relax, rest, do as little as possible, and soon enough, I think you will become motivated to do something. The best advice I ever got was -make no huge voluntary decisions immediately, wait for at least three months. I will be doubling that!

Just wondered what others think.

silver_4444_uk

Ladies and Gents,

Please be careful of "too much chair".
My father had his own business until he retired at 63.
I think that he had really had enough of the pressure and long hours that he was putting in every day.

But he went from being really active and busy to somebody who did nothing but sit in his chair all day. It was such a contrast to his working life. He did not want to do anything. It didn't do his physical and mental health any good.

He has slowly begun after many years to get interested in other things again e.g. gardening, but he is now a shadow of what he was.

I am convinced that a "phased" retirement or at least keeping active with a ration of chair is better for body and soul.

Rgds.

Silver

Marine_life

ermine wrote: »

I'm with her on that. It sounds bizarre, but whatever floats your boat (I'm kidding, but it does come across as odd )
There is more to life than work. A lot more, in fact finishing work is more like exiting a dark tunnel that you entered some time after school. Put it this way

If you are still working once you have reached financial independence then I put it to you that you are not living life to the full That is only my opinion, I respect the choices of the Calvinists among us.

FWIW I am over a year after retiring, and less than halfway through the adjustment.. It is a big change.She is right to worry about this, because the change is a difficult transition. All these years you have been standing in the shower of income, which is what most people do, and so most things about personal finance are set up that way. All of a sudden that shower will stop. You will look in your accounts and think holy crap, there are HUGE numbers in there once you have pinged your pension money out. You will transfer some of that into income because you probably have to legally.

I froze when I first retired, spent hardly anything. Okay I was tired and stressed, I couldn't get a handle on what I had. I felt like your wife did. I was surrounded by cash because I had saved about four years in gross salary in total (most held in S&S ISA/trading accounts). But I couldn't believe this would pay me an income, even though I had seen it do, at about 5%, ever since 2009.

Slowly, imperceptibly but steadily the stress began to fade. With that I gain balance and awareness of what my financial situation is, and it's better than I thought. By a long chalk. My pension is still deferred, including the majority of my PCLS cash savings which are in AVCs. I have no income other than the dividends on my non-ISA account - I reinvest the income from my ISA, because I don't need it. Yes, at the moment my OH picks up a bit more than I do, as conversely I did when she was establishing her business, there is an ebb and flow to finances in a marriage.

From your postings you appear to crave structure in your life, there's absolutely nothing wrong in that, apart from the fact that work is a large part of that structure at the moment.

Believe in yourself. You can dream your own dream, or co-create a dream with the people who are important in your life. Talk to them, paint the future. That chair should be be a bench, with place for your wife, maybe both physically and metaphorically. If it has only place for one then kidding apart, it's transmitting a message to her that this is your journey, and of course she wonders if she will have a ticket for the journey or see the train receding into the distance.

You can have structure. Once work no longer provides it you must make it. On the upside it will fit you better than the arbitrary structure of the workplace.
You're a clever guy, and from somewhere else in this thread I believe you work in business accounting? I'm sure that you have this right. But it's scary for those of us who don't work with money day to day. Unfortunately we have to live this to believe it. I am much more like your wife, I had to learn to wrangle finance, switching this through the theoretical and intellectual side of my mind and trying to keep the emotional side in balance from ever running scared. You deal with finance day to day. Most of us don't, and these sorts of all-or-nothing decisions scare the bejesus out of us.Take her with you, mate. I'd say that's the issue here. Listen. What are her concerns and fears. Talk them over, paint the future. It won't be exactly the future you will live, because the best laid plans of mice and men etc. You have the big picture right, financially. But a live well lived is about more than money. It's about shared values, shared experiences, the adventure. It's colouring in the experience of being human in a time where we have stupendous resources at our hands for self-actualisation.

Oh and do something about that chair. The symbolism isn't right. Either put another one next to it or swap it for a swing bench facing West to the sunset and a table for a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses. Or whatever it is you two enjoy doing together.

Retirement isn't all about money. It isn't all about work. It isn't all about you, because there are other people in your life. Who have been hearing an awful lot about what you will need to do - reasonably because it will be you taking the immediate actions. Maybe your good lady wife needs to hear a bit more about what "we" will be doing after you pack it in a work. That doesn't mean you'll suddenly become joined at the hip - you need separate interests too else you'll fail to individuate, but I sincerely hope and wish that you'll both do some of the growing older and wiser with and informed by each other!

Your posts are so well thought through and so much for me to think about there - I will come back on a couple of your thoughts but now I have to go to bed to get ready for a really busy work day!!:rotfl:

ermine

BeatTheSystem wrote: »

If I did not have kids I would have quit work. I sort of see it as my Calvinistic duty to take full advantage of my earning potential in order to provide for my kids whose earning capacity is not realised and may never be. Whatever happens they are gone at 55 then I am free! So 10 years more pain for me.

You are doing yourself a disservice with that terminology. It's not 'your Calvinistic duty'. You are living your values. Among those values are helping your children achieve their potential the best you can. I salute the irony of your post, but I propose that living one's values is pretty much one of the highest things a sentient being can do. I tip my hat to a good and equitable compromise!