Advice please re step son

lynzpower

get a new job elsewhere I guess

lynzpower

i take it then from that he doesnt want to sort himself out.

If he scared of you guys? ( you dont have to answer it just for you to think about) I never told my folks the truth about money till Id moved out, as I was scared they would go mad. I was a sensitive litlte soul once

CLAPTON

unless there are other compelling facts you haven't mentioned why can't he get another job?

whatatwit

It sounds like he will become a futher drain on your finances.

Does he have a gambling problem, maybe arcades or something?

HairyHandofDartmoor

Don't rush into any decisions now. Maybe what has happened will be a wake up call to him, and maybe it won't!

You and your oh need to talk to your stepson and tell him this sort of behaviour has to stop. Offer him help (not financial) if he is prepared to take advice, but if he won't listen then he may be on a self destructive path which noone can stop, but him. Unfortunately some people have to reach rock bottom before they will change their behaviour ( I hope that is not the case for your stepson).

I understand that your oh will not wash his hands of him completely but you should certainly stop bailing him out financially, because what is that teaching him about responsibility?

This is an emotional time for everyone, so try and wait until you are all feeling calm before the discussion, because heated emotions are usually not effective. People listen more if they are spoken to in a calm but persistant way. (Sorry if I am pointing out the obvious to you.) I hope the situation improves soon.

debsue

lynzpower wrote:

get a new job elsewhere I guess

Sorry, realise now what a stupid question this was:o

Looks like he may not lose his job, his boss is being quite supportive. Still needs to sort himself out though. Feel like I am banging my head on a wall, have been for a few years:mad:

Thank you so much for your support.
Debs

Bossyboots

Glass_Half_Empty?? wrote:

Regards to drink driving offences now, the law is very keen to get the offender off the road and as such have introduced courts to be available the very next day that you are caught on(working day) so he may well in court tomorrow and as he was over by twice the limit there is no way any judge in the country will let him off. It is an automatic ban full stop now although you can reduce the ban by going to sessions with other people in the same boat. I have three friends that have been caught for this and they were all banned the next day.

This has now changed as defendants were not able to obtain legal advice/representation in the timescale given. Hearings were therefore scheduled for a few days later. With the introduction of means testing in the magistrates court we have seen a return to more distant hearing dates so that legal aid can be sorted out if appropriate. The only difference would be if they are not granted police bail in which case they will be brought before the court the next day.

Bambam

Not 100% sure but I think you may have to owe a bit more than your stepson owes before he can declare himself bankrupt. I wish him, but mainly you and your OH, luck sorting his finances out. They are the 'spend now and worry about it later' generation :rolleyes:

Biffa

On Monday morning, why don't you march step son down to your local council's homeless department and say your kicking him out as the Drink driving thing is the last straw. It sounds to me as if he's got a very nice set up at home - if he gets into trouble, you two will bail him out, give him a roof over his head, lend him money so he can do his own thing etc etc. It may sound harsh, but you'd probably be doing him a favour in the long run.

Hubby needs to realise that whatever step son gets up to, is NOT a reflection on him as a father - it's a reflection on the fact that maybe stepson is too lazy to do anything about sorting himself out while he always has a safety net at home. If he has his own place, he'll realise how hard it is to make ends meet, cook a meal, do his own washing etc etc.

Just a thought.....

davek1

Hi Debsue

I'm not going to give you advice about his finances as i think pretty much everything has already been said. however i am going to tell you what might happen. I speak from the perspective of an ex-police officer and someone whi is still hevaily involved in the legal profession. I will also give some advice about how to minimise the penalties:

Firstly if your step son is twice over the limit he is going to get a ban absolutely no question. the ban is likely to be at least 2 years. however as he seems to be getting support from his boss a letter from him to the court would probably help reduce the impact. I would suggest he get some legal advice, could be money well spent and he may be entitled to legal aid, solicitors will be better equipped to argue a minimal reduction in the sentence than a non legally qualified person. provided he is guilty plead guilty at the earliest possible stage he will be given credit for this and again reduce the impact of any sentence.

As someone else said he should agree to go on a drive safe course this will effectively knock 6 months off of a 2 year ban.

If he receives a fine ( which he almost certainly will) ask the magistrate for time to pay. Its at times like those that actually being in debt might help extend the time allowed to repay. remember that paying a fine though is a priority debt so if he doesn't pay anything else he must pay that. Non payment has serious consequences.

Hope this helps feel free to message me if you need more info

Dave