Tell the truth......

spiderspider

Hi,
This is my first posting and i wanted to briefly tell my story as i hope it may help somebody. Its from the angle of the partner of someone in debt. . . .

i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, we bought a house together 3 years ago and everything seemed fine. Unknown to me my boyfriend at that stage, was around £8000 in debt on credit cards and had told no-one. When the moving in date came he got what i thought was cold feet and wouldnt move in so i moved in alone. I wasnt too bothered as everything else seemed fine. He always seemed to have a reason why he couldnt move in. This continued to late last year, by now his debts were £20000 and i still didnt have a clue! :eek: By last October i knew something was wrong as he wasnt himself, i thought he was cheating on me!! Finally after much nagging from me he confessed all. It was a bad night i will admit. But the worst feeling was being lied to more than the debt. :mad: Im quite an organised person so i set about researching all our options (visiting this forum!) i have never been in debt so i initially had no idea where to start! But you soon become an expert! He now was an agreement with Payplan and is slowly paying the debt off. I wish he had told me so much earlier because i could have helped more! He was frightened of what i would say, which i can understand. 12 months on and he is on the road to financial recovery. So my advice to anyone who hasnt told parents or partners about the money situation is PLEASE tell them. The longer you leave it the worst it becomes.Dont bury your head in the sand like my boyfriend did. It will be difficult and they will be shocked but it IS the best thing to do. Hope this helps x

lynsayjane

it always brightens the day to see someone who is doing well with life, big :T to you for sticking by him through it, not sure if i could have done the same

me personally i've never hiden the fact i am in debt, though till recently my folks didn't know the full total. now they do and they also know all the ways i'm going about fixing it.

cattie1

thanks for that. good post.

skintasusual

I'd go mad if I didn't have my BF to support me and tell me i'll get through it!

luckily he's been through it too so is more understanding than some

I fully agree tho

If they love you they will stand by you and help you

it might not be easy for them to take at first I guess tho :rolleyes:

beverleyhills

Thank you for telling your story. Best wishes for your future.

Mrs_Sparkle

Good luck to you both- I admire you for standing by your partner and supporting him. My other half knows my situation, my parents don't and at my age have no reason to. No one else but you guys knows the total figure though- it would scare friends!

The_Boss

Its a shame, but some people are just in total denial about their problem. My ex was like that. When we moved in, I could see the state of her finances more closely and her attitude towards it was ridiculous. But you could never tell her anything as she wouldnt listen and make excuses - e.g. she would want to pay minimum payments on her three accounts except the one with the lowest interest (Barclaycard at 15%) which she would pay most off. But if you told her not to do this and to pay off the Next one first (30%) she would get all funny and say she liked her Next card but not Barclaycard. And dont get me started on when I tried to persuade her to get a 0% balance transfer card - her response was that she didnt mind paying the interest and wasnt bothered about 'penny pinching' like me!

Catseyez

The_Boss wrote:

she would want to pay minimum payments on her three accounts except the one with the lowest interest (Barclaycard at 15%) which she would pay most off. But if you told her not to do this and to pay off the Next one first (30%) she would get all funny and say she liked her Next card but not Barclaycard.

I hate to admit this but I used to be a bit like that...many years ago though! I used to favour certain cards based on ridiculous things such as the friendliness of the call centre staff, the design of the card etc! :eek: :eek: And I would be prepared to pay more interest for those reasons!!

Looking back, I can't believe I used to have such crazy logic! I suppose I was only 21 at the time and didn't really worry too much about being in debt because I knew my cards would be paid off eventually. The concept of spreading payments over a long period of time didn't bother me as it would mean lower payments per month and thus more 'cash' for me to spend. Madness! :eek:

Several years on and thankfully things have changed! There ain't no way that ANYONE is getting an extra penny out of me! :money:

hannah:-)_2

I've never made a secret of the fact I'm in debt, but I suppose the fact that I'm such a smiley creature meant that most people didn't really believe the situation could be that bad. The person I live with has kind of got so used to me saying I'm skint, they don't really take much notice anymore. I suppose it's my own fault for always bemoaning my debts but never actually doing anything about them.

Anyway, I became addicted to MSE a few weeks ago and so now I'm always talking about saving money and cutting costs etc. Unfortunately, this has triggered lots of digs from those closest to me. Again, I guess I should expect this after so long moaning as no-one takes my debts seriously anymore!

Have had words and asked people to be a bit more supportive and I think the message is getting through. Not trying to put a downer on the idea of telling the truth, just saying that admitting to being in debt and unhappy about it isn't enough (albeit a very important first step). Thank crunchie for this site for helping us actually do something about it too :j

southernscouser

Catseyez wrote:

I hate to admit this but I used to be a bit like that...many years ago though! I used to favour certain cards based on ridiculous things such as the friendliness of the call centre staff, the design of the card etc! :eek: :eek: And I would be prepared to pay more interest for those reasons!!

Looking back, I can't believe I used to have such crazy logic! I suppose I was only 21 at the time and didn't really worry too much about being in debt because I knew my cards would be paid off eventually. The concept of spreading payments over a long period of time didn't bother me as it would mean lower payments per month and thus more 'cash' for me to spend. Madness! :eek:

Several years on and thankfully things have changed! There ain't no way that ANYONE is getting an extra penny out of me! :money:

It's not that crazy. It's clever advertising by comapnies. They make their cards with fluffy animals so you apply for it. Then when it comes to buying things you think, 'ahhh I'm gonna use the fluffy animal one'! :rolleyes:

Remember they are all evil! Even those Egg guinea pigs or whatever they are! :eek: :rotfl:

richardvc

My biggest mistake ever was keeping my debts quiet from my partner. I regretted not telling her but she knew all along but didn't know how much !!

The greatest relief ever was telling her the whole story. She has been so supportive and I am on my way to being debt free and with a greater appreciation for the value of money.

Good post spiderspider, if this helps one person take this hardest step then it would have been worth it !!