Private Agreement

carrieuk

Hi,

I need some help.

I've spent the best part of a year asking my OH to confirm in writing with his ex that he pays maintenance for his Son... he hasnt done this.

Now we've just bought a house together and I now want things to be legal and professional.

So i've asked her to sign an agreement and also for her to give us her bank details so i can set up a standing order to make sure she gets paid properly. She wont do this... she won't sign the order, she won't give us her bank details because she likes it the way it is at the moment.

My OH is reluctant to go through the CSA as he wants this private agreement to work and he's also aware he would pay more and his Son would get less.

What would our next course of action be? Would it be the CSA?
I've told him he cannot give her another payment in cash (he has been giving her cash payments for 2 1/2 years) she has to have a cheque or bank payment.

The thing is i dont want it to get funny, i want them to have a proper talking relationship I just dont want her to turn around 10 years later when he's been paying cash and her say he's never paid her anything as he has no proof at the moment.

Any advice?

Also in terms of child payment, if my OH's son decides he wants to come live with us when he's able to make that decision does that affect your payments?

I have so many questions as this is all fairly new to me.

Thanks

DUTR

carrieuk wrote: »

Hi,

I need some help.

I've spent the best part of a year asking my OH to confirm in writing with his ex that he pays maintenance for his Son... he hasnt done this.

Now we've just bought a house together and I now want things to be legal and professional.

So i've asked her to sign an agreement and also for her to give us her bank details so i can set up a standing order to make sure she gets paid properly. She wont do this... she won't sign the order, she won't give us her bank details because she likes it the way it is at the moment.

My OH is reluctant to go through the CSA as he wants this private agreement to work and he's also aware he would pay more and his Son would get less.

What would our next course of action be? Would it be the CSA?
I've told him he cannot give her another payment in cash (he has been giving her cash payments for 2 1/2 years) she has to have a cheque or bank payment.

The thing is i dont want it to get funny, i want them to have a proper talking relationship I just dont want her to turn around 10 years later when he's been paying cash and her say he's never paid her anything as he has no proof at the moment.

Any advice?

Also in terms of child payment, if my OH's son decides he wants to come live with us when he's able to make that decision does that affect your payments?

I have so many questions as this is all fairly new to me.

Thanks

Before the snipers come and get me, I'm a bit confused with the post, the child support is between his ex and him, not you, too right the child's mum has not responded, it seems you want to call all the shots.
There is no crime in paying via the csa, and as I understand every penny recieved goes onto the parent with care, so I'm not sure why your partner is reluctant to go via the csa?

shell_542

Because sometimes the CSA ask for more than a family can afford?

It should be fine paying her as he is at the moment as long as there had never been a CSA case open for maintenance in the past? The CSA will not ask for back payments from before a case was opened. So if in the future, the ex went to the CSA and opened a case, they would only calculate payments from the day they contact your partner.

It is between your partner and his ex though and he doesn't seem to want to change things so there is very little you can do.

carrieuk

I'm not trying to call the shots, i'm trying to avoid a situation in the future where she could turn around and tell the csa she hasnt received any money... that would directly affect me too as we'd either have to fight it in court or pay it back and our chance of proving we've paid is slim.

My OH wants nothing to do with her to be perfectly honest and he's reluctant to even talk to her so i'm having to do it.

carrieuk

Shell, he's paying her in cash though?

I've heard of cases where the partner has been paying cash and the CSA have reclaimed/ tried to reclaim all backdated monies owed.

Does this not happen?

McKneff

How is he paying her now, in cash, cheque.

All he has to do if in cheque for is to write her name on it and then put 'child costs' or some other wording.
I would have thought he should have done this without being prompted. Its then legal and above board and
she wouldnt be able to dispute this.

shell_542

Only if there is a CSA case open somewhere in the background. So either a case is open and running and the PWC lied about receiving moneys, the NRP was under the impression the CSA case was closed when it wasn't, a case was opened years ago when the PWC was on benefits and the NRP has forgotten about it/ ignored correspondence?

If the CSA have never been involved though and say for example, the Ex rang the CSA next month and opened a case, also mentioning your partner hasn't ever paid anything ... the CSA would explain that unfortunately there is no way of backdating and enforcing payments on a private arrangement and she should have contacted the CSA before then. They would only start payments from the day they write to or call the NRP.

carrieuk

Is cash a better way of paying it then? Or should it be paid by transfer/ cheque?

DUTR

carrieuk wrote: »

Is cash a better way of paying it then? Or should it be paid by transfer/ cheque?

As long as it is a traceable method then anything but cash, it would be useful to know as Shell has asked, is there currently a csa case open?

JulietAmber_2

As said above - unless a CSA case is open it really makes no difference how maintenance is paid. All ex needs to do is contact CSA - the CSA will contact your partner and then the case is officially open. All payments prior to this are disregarded and maintenance starts from point of contact.
To be honest, people abuse the CSA by denying access etc but it CAN work well and avoids the need for ex partners to squabble over money and be in contact - this frees them up to concentrate on what's important - and that's the children.

Mojisola

carrieuk wrote: »

My OH is reluctant to go through the CSA as he wants this private agreement to work and he's also aware he would pay more and his Son would get less.

I don't understand this. Everything he pays the CSA will go to his ex.

It's verging on foolish to be giving cash without any kind of a paper trail.