What would you do? Help for my sanity!!!

luluvmo

Hi all,

I don't know if I am looking for advice or just a kick up the
bum! :j
Basically, I am 27, in quite a bit of debt and still technically living at home. When I say technically, OH and I eat at my parents, but sleep at his! (He rents a room from a family member) OH pays rent for his room. He washes and does laundry, watches a bit of telly or uses the computer. It has never been a problem me staying there. I always go home to shower/do washing. The most I do at his is sleep or have a cup of tea! They have never asked for any more rent from him because of me, and I pay for our other living expenses (food/Car insurance etc.)

Because of this slightly odd situation, I do not pay anything to my mum and dad. I know that seems quite bad, but it has never really been a problem, until the other night when my dad went beserk at me and told me to pay up and stop living in a fantasy world! I am mega upset. I love em all dearly, but I need to get out! Problem is, I could afford to live on my own, if I didn't have the debts to pay!!! Have thought about doing payplan or similar, but wanted advice.

OH is going into the army in feb, so will not be around all the time. Do I say to hell with the bills and look for somewhere to live or continue to stay at home and keep paying off debts. Problem is at this rate I will be way past 30 before these debts are paid, still living with mum and dad and probably about to be carted off to the funny farm!:rotfl:

I know I should work to pay off these debts first, and I am managing to, but the feeling of living in limbo is awful. I never feel comfortable in either house. Also, with OH going away he will need somewhere to come back to when he is on leave. He wants to keep paying the rent on his room even though he won't be there, when he could pay it to me to help us get somewhere to live.

I hope this doesn't all sound too mad! I know you guys are excellent for advice. Thanks in advance.

Tixy

Hi

Have you looked at how much you would have to pay extra if you move out and find somewhere else? Start by looking around for what prices you would need to pay -house shares would probably be the cheapest option, although also look at flat/house rental prices.

It might be worth preparing a statement of affairs http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html based on your current living arrangements/costs and see how long it will take you to pay off your debts if you did continue as things are?
Then perhaps you could do an estimated statement of affairs if you rented somewhere else and all the extra costs (utilities, ctax, insurance, tv licence etc as well as rent) and see whether you finances could cope and your debts still get repaid.

Why does OH want to keep paying the rent of his room? could it be that he feels the family needs then money? Would there be a possibility of you both renting that room until Feb (paying for you both) and then looking for somewhere else for Feb onwards? That might help you keep costs down just for the next few months so you could work on reducing your debts a bit. Would OHs family agree to it? Would you feel comfortable staying there?

If OH is worried about the family member coping without his income would he be prepared to say he will pay for it for the next 6months to give them notice and time to plan for when he is no longer there?

If when you do the theoretical statement of affairs there is no way you can pay off your debts and live elsewhere maybe you could talk to your parents - offer them a small rent and say you would like to stay another year whilst you concentrate on paying off your debts and then you would be looking to move out? Do you think there was a particular reason for Dads outburst? could it be that they are having money problems themselves?

Nottoobadyet

To be honest, I think your parents have been very generous in feeding you and letting you use their washing machine until age 27! Where have you run up all this debt without paying living expenses?

The obvious solution would be for you to ask to move in to OH's room in his relatives house while he's gone, since they know you already, and start buying your own food. I dont see why he should pay you to move out while he's gone, but I guess he could be generous and do that.

luluvmo

Thanks for the reply. I have been looking around at local rents, and we are in a very expensive area! Around £400 for a studio flat and £450-£600 for a 1 bed flat. I think this is quite expensive for what you get. Even house shares are not much cheaper. OH wants to keep paying rent so he has somewhere to store his stuff while he is away, although he has said he may have to negotiate on the price! I can understand where my dad is coming from, my brother is also still at home! God we sound like every parents worst nightmare!
What I said to OH the other night is people out there have the same or even more levels of debt than me, and they still manage to have their own places. I just feel a bit trapped thats all!

luluvmo

Thanks for the reply Nottoobadyet. I know I sound like a complete spoiled brat! They have always been very generous, but they do not feed me or OH. I buy all our food. OH and I have been together a long time and always joke we are practically married! We just don't have the house to live in and I am simply looking for what others think is the best way to go about getting it.

KingElvis

List your debts up on an soa and people here will do the math and help you out.

luluvmo

Ok i will try and do SOA not sure how I find out the APRs and stuff though. I do have money left over each month after paying everything, but it would not be enough to rent on my own. I know I waste money and need to try and cut back in areas. Every month I try and draw myself up a budget. I try and stick to it but still never seem to get anywhere! I can give you the basics:

Earnings after tax: £1018.56

Nationwide Loan Repayments: £220.24
Nationwide Credit Card: £150.00 (Minimum)
Cap One C/C: £35.00 (Min)
Argos Card: £21.00 (Min) although I have been paying a little more on this
Simply Be: £8 (min)
Car ins (me): £20.82
Car ins (OH): £47.07
Food: Around £100 (£25 per week for 2)
Petrol: Around £90 per month
Phone: £10 (PAYG with 300 free texts a month)

I try also try and budget around £20 a week for extras. We don't really do very much. We sometimes go to the cinema but we go on tuesdays where we can go for half price so this is about £8.75 for the 2 of us. If we go out in the evenings its mostly to visit friends at their houses. So that leaves me with about £230.00. Like I said, I have money left over, I'm just not very good at knowing where to put it and something always seems to come along and swallow it up! Like last month OH car broke so had to help him pay for that. The month before, my car broke, so had to pay for that!

Tixy

Well I would definitely find out all your APRs, you really need to know these anyway to know which order to target your debts and which to make any overpayments you can afford to do. You should be able to find the APRs on your statements for cards and overdrafts (if the figure is something like 1.5% that will be a monthly figure not the APR.
For the loan you would need to check the original paperwork.

When doing your budget you need to allow for things like car tax, car maintenance & MOT, haircuts, presents, for things you don't spend on every week just work out the annual cost and divide by 12. Will OH be keeping his car when in the army? If not that will be a good saving you can make.

If you keep trying to stick to a budget but don't manage it then it may be that the budget is not realistic or if it should be manageable but you still don't know where your money is coming then perhaps try keeping a spending diary for a few weeks to see where your are overspending.

terakris

What i think would be a good idea is dig out all the paperwork for all the accounts you owe money on, find out what the total amount you owe on each, the APR's (should be listed on each bill somewhere) and write it all down. This will give you a clearer picture of how much (total) you owe, what the APR's are and what you minimum pay out each month to these debts.

Fill out a complete SOA for everything you currently pay for in a month, and if you find that money is just going missing each month then a spending diary of EVERYTHING you spend each month should shock you into seeing, for example, the coffee's you buy every day at work are costing you a fortune. This can then be cut out and the extra money used to pay off the debts sooner.

Based on what you take home, i dont think moving out just yet is realistic. Once you add on council tax, electric/gas, phone, tv license, insurance etc etc each month your salery would be pretty much gone. If you have the option of staying at home a bit longer while you pay off your debts, then great. Even if you had to pay a hundred or so "house keeping" its still much cheaper than renting on your own and would enable you to still clear off your debts.

You really need to try and stick to your budget though, this is key - when i was paying off my debts i was restricted to £20 a month of "extras". once it was gone, that was it. I had everything budgeted, set amounts for lunch, haircuts etc and once you get used to it its pretty easy to stick to it.

As for things breaking down, it happens to all of us, and unless you already have an emergency budget (which you prob wont if you owe money) then its just one of those things, but having a budget that frees up money each month means that if the worst does happen then you at least have 1 month worth of extra debt repayment money you can use to help you out, and continue your budget the next month.

Good luck with clearing your debts!

RAS

luluvmo wrote: »

. So that leaves me with about £230.00. Like I said, I have money left over, I'm just not very good at knowing where to put it and something always seems to come along and swallow it up! Like last month OH car broke so had to help him pay for that. The month before, my car broke, so had to pay for that!

I think you also need to get OH to do a full SOA, so you can understand whether he can afford to pay his own car costs.

This is particularly true if you are thinking about moving in together.

And part of the SOA process is going back over the last year and working out how much you each spent on car repairs, going out (the old bottle of wine or cans taken to a friend's house included), birthday presents, and Christmas. Then divide each amount by 12 and set that aside each month to cover the costs.

At the very least right now, you need to start contributing to your parents CT and utility costs.

Nottoobadyet

luluvmo wrote: »

Thanks for the reply Nottoobadyet. I know I sound like a complete spoiled brat!

Sorry, that isnt what I meant and Im sorry if I hurt your feelings! Is my suggestion of moving into your OH's rented room while hes away totally not an option? Maybe you could split the rent so he could use it for storage and you could live in, and give your parents a bit of breathing space?