Parental Responsibility

JulietAmber_2

Hi, wonder if anyone can help.
Long story which I'll skip!
Just need advice on this part - My partner's ex-wife has recently asked him if he'll give permission for their kids to change their surname. The reason for this is because she is getting remarried and ultimately wants the children to have her new 'family' name.
He has said no and thought that would be the end of it.
However, she has threatened to take my partner to court to try and stop him having parental responsibility. She says she'll make up anything to get her way!
What can we expect to happen? Will he have a chance to defend himself? My partner is scared that if she makes things up - the court will stop him from seeing them altogether.
Please help!

shell_542

Does he have PR now? I might just be misunderstanding the post but it sounds like he doesn't have it yet and is going to be asking for it. But if he doesn't already have it, she doesn't need his permission to change the name.

If he has PR, then it'll be unlikely a court would change it, especially as he has a relationship with the child. The threats of "saying anything" about him, was that in writing or said in person? Keep records if in writing (email/text) or try and get her to repeat it again and record it.

I would be inclined to just leave her to it. She may be threatening in the hope it'll frighten him to go along with her. Do you think she'll really take him to court? It isn't cheap and it's one thing changing the Child's name to that of the Mother's, but she wants to change it to reflect a different family and her new partner's name! While the child still has it's father in their life? Very unlikely the court will allow it. They don't like changing children's names as that is exactly what it is, the CHILD'S name.

JulietAmber_2

Thanks for that.
Yes, he has PR at the moment because they were married when the children were born. She recently moved over 100 miles away and it became difficult for my partner to be involved in the kids day to day life. He contacted the children's school recently because she refused to pass on school reports/parents evening info etc. He now gets everything sent to him and he attended parents evening last night.
On what grounds can a loss of PR be granted? Will the judge believe her if she makes stuff up?
To be honest, he was tempted to just 'give in' to save even more hassle (we've been through a lot already with her) but he is really upset by this - especially as she is texting him saying it's what the kids want (the kids haven't said this).

shell_542

It is extremely rare for PR to be taken away. There's no way the court would take away PR for refusing to allow a name change. If she alleged bad things about him, she'll need proof. It will also look very suspicious this has all cropped up at the same time as a refusal to allow the name change.

Refuse to discuss anything about this with her in person and insist on only written, either email or letter. That way he will have evidence of her controlling, blackmailing and threatening him.

I wouldn't give in. Why does she need to change the children's names? Is it really for the children or is it for her? Yes it would be nice if all her children had the same name but the fact of the matter is your husband is their father and that is their name.

I would seek legal advice if necessary. Are you a member of Families Need Fathers? They have some good advice on how to address these situations.

What happens if she splits with this new partner in the future? Should the children be left with another Man's name who isn't involved in their lives or will she change their name YET again? To me, with their Father involved in their lives as he is, (ie. not absent) it in not in the children's best interests to change their name to that of their mother's new partner (and I'm pretty sure the courts feel the same in that regard).

shell_542

Just noticed she's texting. Keep copies of the them all and I wouldn't get into too much discussion about it.

clearingout

My ex does a lot of threatening court to get his own way. The trick has proven to be ignoring him - takes a lot to make him go away, but he does eventually!

As for her making things up in court - if you were a judge would you believe her? honestly? Sadly, judges are used to having people come before them every day who are lying through their teeth about their ex partners. In my experience (have had dealings with three separate judges through the divorce and residency applications my ex made), they are 100% accurate in sizing up within 2 minutes who is lying and who isn't. Try not to worry, no judge is going to think it reasonable that children who have an involved father suddenly change their name to mum's new partner's name.

13Kent

have sent PM

JulietAmber_2

Thanks everyone for your help.
Juliet

Kimitatsu

The court will not take PR away from him and even if she took him to court they are reluctant to allow a change of the childs name as it is to break ties with the NRP.

However, it does not stop the child being known by the mothers new name at school, you find in many cases that the child is known by one name but legally is another.

Had he thought about a comprimise and allowing her to hyphenate them?

JulietAmber_2

Thanks for that.
I'm actually putting together a diary for my partner in case he needs it for court. It may not help at all but it shows the pattern of change and how things such as her stopping the kids staying overnight coincide with the new CSA claim, how her text asking for his permission to change name coincide with her (possibly) taking him to court over PR.
Hopefully the children will realise as they get older how much their dad has tried to keep in their lives and support them against sometimes impossible odds!

shell_542

She's barking up the wrong tree anyway because there is nothing she can do about him having PR. She'll discover that if she does indeed ever try to do anything about it. If she thinks that she can somehow take his PR away, does she think he could do the same to her too? It doesn't work like that.

There's hyphening the name like Kimitatsu said ... But if he did ever find out she has been using a different name as a known as name at school or on medical records, he can get it corrected as it is not actually legal to use known as names.