Why can't I change??

Yockers

I have been in debt for years and feel like I am in continuing cycle of borrowing and then paying back. I'm 29 now and I have been in debt for the last 11 years. I have total debts of 23K but these all defaulted years ago and I have been ignoring them for sometime. Tbh I have got so used to them that it just seems normal to me that I can't get credit etc.

The worst thing that I do is borrow from friends and then not pay them back. Whilst this is never my intention it constantly happens and I dont understand why. Is there some sort of psychological help that I can get. Everywhere I look they charge £50 a session and I just don't have that sort of money...I need to change but I need help!

Thanks

Calmerwater

Hi Yockers,

Well done for sharing what is probably quite a common problem - why do I do what I do??!?!

Even though it might not seem appropriate, you can talk to your GP about this, and see if you can get referred to a counselling service which help you understand your behaviour better. You might also get some help from one of the Debt Counselling services - they might be able to signpost you to organisations that can help, as they're bound to have met people in your position before.

You haven't said if you're paying off the old debts? I'm sure others on here will help regarding that side of things - I'm a newbie so don't feel qualified to help, but it's likely they'll ask you to post a Statement of Affairs, as that helps you to work out how much money you have to put towards your debts once all the essentials are paid for. They're tools on here to help you do this.

I'm 35 now and am slowly dealing with my debts so I'd encourage you not to wait any longer and to really make this week the week you take a few small steps to changing things. I have been in debt since I left uni, and can't wait until I am debt free...I wish I had made the changes I needed to years ago, as they're simple and do make such a difference. But like me, you can change and you can deal with your debts. It will set you free. It is something special and amazing which you deserve...

So, well done for posting, talk to your GP, and hang on in there - you can do it!
xx

Lucifa73

Spending is like any other addiction and admitting to the problem is a big first step.

But I would say going for counselling is not the answer, at least not immediately. Look at your lifestyle. What are you spending money on that is worth potentially undermining good friendships for? What do you have to show for your debts? Is there a particularly close friend you can confide in? Are you really ready to make the necessary changes? Blaming it on a psychological problem is not taking responsibility, its looking for an excuse...

I really hope you are ready to take the next step. Life will be harder but at the same time better for it. Take care.

Luc x

KingElvis

You just need to learn some budgeting skills and some discipline, there are loads of articles on this site and others about money basics.

Keep going as you are and you'll grow old with debt misery.

Good luck.

podperson

Hi Yockers,
The first step to getting out of the debt hole is to admit that there is a problem and you want to change - and I don't want to come accross as harsh but it doesn't really sound that you have done that yet. Yes there may well be underlying issues for your problems, as there are for most people, and as mentioned above if you contact your gp they may be able to refer you for counselling. But it sounds like the main thing you need is take responsibility for the position you are in now.
Sit down and work out exactly what you owe and to who. Then list your income and all your expenditures - try and make this as accurate as you can. Does anything stand out as expensive, are there any areas you could cut back? If you post it on here (and there is a template for an soa at the top of the forum) then people will offer you advice on it. What do you have left at the end of the month, if anything? This is the starting point for paying the debts back. There are various debt charities such as cccs, national debtline and cab who can offer you free advice and some will even set up debt management plans and deal with your creditors for you - but at the end of the day you have to make the decision to get this sorted out. Good luck with it x

Yockers

Hi

Thanks so much for all of your comments...I do need to change but I find that when I set out with the best of intentions I can never sustain them.

I do feel as though I am in some sort of cycle. In terms of my finances I currently earn 20K per annum and live in London.

My income per month after tax is: £1310

My rent is £600 per month inclusive of all bills.
Travel is £150 for a Zone 1-3 Travel Card
Maintinence for my son is £200 per month.

I then have £360 for food / clothes and living. My son lives in Cornwall and I would like to travel to see him once a month - while I am there I need to pay for accomodation so things are very tight. I virtually have no money to offer my creditors. I owe 23K to a number of creditors.

I never have any money left at the end of the month - ever.

I really have no idea where to start in terms of sorting out my debts - I wouldn't be opposed to declaring myself bankrupt as I think my credit rating is virtually zero. The only problem is that I dont have the money to pay the fee! Equally I don't know about setting up an IVA.

I do want to get this sorted out but I've been here before so I need to get all of this sorted once and for all.

Thanks

Yockers

Paula_anne

I too thought i had a spending addiction but i now realise i don't, i used that "addiction" term to justify a reason why i was so much in debt, but now i take full responsibility for my overspending and it was me alone who took loans and credits cards out.
I have learnt self control, not buying what i dont really need, not taking my card out with me and only taking £10 note.
I changed my own behaviour, dont waste money on a therapists, you can do it youself.
If you can't pay friends back, can you do jobs/favours for them in payment?

KingElvis

LIke I said, drop a few forums down to the Debt Free Wannbe section and get posting in there, you'll find loads of good advice and support there.

Yockers

@Paula Anne - I think that I just find it so hard to understand what it is that causes me to be so careless with money etc. I am an intelligent chap (I think) and I understand how to budget etc. What I do not do is stick to my plans. I sit down and write out a managable plan for the month. I don't think that I have an addiction but I definitely need to change my behaviour patterns and that is the most difficult thing to do. The thing that I hate the most is how debt makes you dishonest..its a very vicious cycle.

Thanks

Paula_anne

I used to withdraw the money i'd need for the month and distribute the money into seperate envelopes, seal and write on them what it was for.

Also have you checked out the thread about value food products? could save u on the food bill.

I kept my debt secret for a long time, its hard shouldering all these lies and you'd forget what story u told to which person, we are only human even when we make mistakes in our lives, they can be repaired.

Maybe you could post and soa ( statement of affairs) perhaps we could suggest where u could save/cut back?

There are some great people here to help and advise you.

Yockers

Hi

Here is my SOA - I pay an all in fee for the property that I am in at at the moment..hence why there is no oil/gas etc

I have a company mobile - hence no bills.

Any other questions would be great - I have posted on the bankruptcy board in the hope someone can advise me.

If you have any comments - I would appreciate them

Thanks

Nick

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 3
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 0
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1310
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1310
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 600
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 0
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 0
TV Licence.............................. 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 150
Clothing................................ 30
Petrol/diesel........................... 0
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 150
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 200
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 25
Haircuts................................ 10
Entertainment........................... 40
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 30
Total monthly expenses.................. 1235

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 0

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Halifax Loan...................12000.....0.........0
Halifax OD.....................900.......0.........0
Welcome Finance................3500......0.........0
Vanquis........................500.......0.........0
PayDay Loan....................600.......0.........0
PayDay Loan....................600.......0.........0
Parents .......................3000......0.........0
UWE (CCJ) .....................4000......0.........0
PayDay Loan....................400.......0.........0
Total unsecured debts..........25500.....0.........-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,310
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,235
Available for debt repayments........... 75
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 0
Amount left after debt repayments....... 75
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 0
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -25,500
Net Assets.............................. -25,500

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