Really, Really could use some help / advice.

ColinHackett

Ok some backround.

My girlfriends stepdad has had a few problems to say the least.

He has had an adition to gambling for quite a while and although he now hasn't been to the bookies for over 2 months the damage has been done.

He used to have his own window cleaning business although that has now gone bust and he is unemployeed as he didn't / now cant pay his tax returns.
He has been over to the job center and as he hasn't paid his tax they have told him that he cant claim any benifits.

He had a car on HP which wasn't being paid so they have been chaseing him for money when the told them that he couldn't pay they wanted the car back. so that is now parked off the road waiting for it to be collected. (been like that for 4 months now but that another question for another post)

He has a personal loan that he can't afford to pay, so is being taken to court over that one.

To top it all off now his wife / my girlfriends mum has had enough of it all and has kicked him out. So now he has nothing!

Which means with nowhere else to go he is crashing in my spaire room as i couldn't see him out on the street.

The big question is where do i start! This is all swamping me and its not even really my problem so i dread to think what its doing to him.

Me and my girlfriend are fairly well set up, both working in good jobs bringing home a decent wage so having him with us while he sorts him self out isn't a problem, but we can't afford to bail him out. The girlfriend is still paying off a 6.5k loan that she took out for him and her mum 4 years ago when something like this happened.

So what would you do? Who would you turn to? how can we help him to get his life turned around?

Being kicked out has really given him a wake up call so i know that he wants to get sorted which is half the battle! its jusst the resst i don't know about!

Thanks for any and all help / support. Think all three of us are going to need it!

Colin.

LuckyBiscuit

First, i wanted to say, you sound like a lovley compassionate caring guy!!!!
Really its him that needs to sort it, after all he is a grown man and managed to get himself into the mess, part of recovery is then sorting it out, saying that im not saying you can't support him.
Just remember that you can't help those people that won't help themself and look after yourself or it could effect your relationship with your girlfriend.
Its early days, they all threaten court etc but they can't take what he hasn't got.....
So does he have no income at all??
Maybe sit down with him over a coffee and just talk to him about what he wants to do???

Good Luck XXX

Tixy

Hi

First he needs to work out what benefits he should be getting - and even though he hasn't been paying tax he should still be entitled to something (not an area I know lots about but I think it will be income based JSA rather than contributions based JSA) and he needs to start claiming this (even if he has to wait a while to get any money he needs to get a claim in asap).

He might want to try to get an appointment with the local CAB as they should be able to help advise with various items, the debts, the benefits and the housing situation. Also I believe shelter are pretty good at giving advice on the housing side of things.

On to his debts, the personal loan - you say he is being taken to court, has he actually has court papers? or is he just being threatend with court, last chances etc.
If the latter then get him to send this letter and if you can a token payment of £1 (whilst £1 is not much it shows willingness to pay but that he is unable to). http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.html?p=21937969&postcount=52

Does he and his wife own their home or rent? whilst you say he has nothing he will be entitled to something, even if they rent then he should be able to get a reasonable share of any possessions etc.

Right the tax debts, do you have a figure for these? do you know if he correctly completed tax returns and knows how much he owes or whether he didn't complete them so HMRC have just assessed his tax bills?

Dp you think realistically he is likely to find work anytime soon? if not and depending on his level of debt then he may want to consider a debt relief order or bankruptcy. Now whilst that sounds scary if he has high levels of debts and no means to pay them and no assets it might be a realistic option for him. Again a debt specialist at CAB could advise or he could contact one of the other charities mentioned here IMPORTANT - Where to seek professional impartial advice about your debts.
(CCCS are pretty quick with their initial help)
continued....

ItMightBeUsefulOneDay

ColinHackett wrote: »

So what would you do? Who would you turn to? how can we help him to get his life turned around?

Be careful. He sounds like someone who has been and is very loose with money. The gambling habit will be digging at his mind, "One big win will solve everything, I just need a few thousand to start the ball rolling." I hate to say this but be watchful of your own finances - it wouldn't take much for him to apply for a credit card in your name (the address will be right after all), get some cash out on it and bung it on the nags to get his "big win".

Secondly, DON'T bail him out financially. It may feel like "the right thing to do" when the phone is ringing off the hook from creditors, the heavies are pounding at the door and you've got a court summons for him on the table but it isn't. He spent it, he must deal with the consequences. If you bail him out (again) nothing will change and it will happen all over again in a few years except you'll be thousands poorer.

If you want to help, get him to go to the any of the FREE debt charities who can advise on what payments to make and so on. Help him with letters, help him with talking through some of the difficult decisions but be don't do everything for him.

Finally, giving your room up rent free is very generous to someone in this position. Just watch it doesn't become permanent as the money issues escalate (and they will, this is sadly on the start).

podperson

Ok firstly he needs to get some benefit advice. While he won't be elgible for contributions-based jobseekers if his tax isn't up to date then he should still be able to claim income-based and even if he can't be should still be signing on so he gets his current stamp paid and so he can take advantage of help with job seeking, training courses etc. This would also make him elgible for housing/council tax benefit -though this probably isn't relevant as long as he is stopping with you.
Is he currently looking for work? Think the priority for him needs to be applying for anything and everything at the moment just to get a bit of income coming in so he can start to sort himself out. Try bar work, shop work, seasonal vacancies are coming in, agency/labouring work and so on. Probably isn't ideal but needs must at the moment.
Regarding the personal loan if they are taking him to court then the court will look at his income which is basically zero at the moment so won't insist on him having to pay back all at once or anything. Has he spoken to the tax office regarding what he owes them though? Would say they are a major priority as they can be quite nasty about and believe they sometimes look at making people bankrupt if it's over a certain amount owed.
Is he getting any help for his gambling? I know you say he hasn't done anything in several months but this may be just due to the fact that he physically doesn't have any money to gamble at the moment. It is an addiction and can be quite difficult to tackle without help so might be worth him looking into this now rather then him managing to get back on his feet and then slipping up again. His GP should be able to advise on help available in the area.
Sounds like he's lucky to have you and your gf supporting him. Good luck with it x

KingElvis

No offence but I would start by nailing stuff down, gambling is a super hard addiction to break.

I hope it works out for you.

RAS

Hi

he needs to sign on regularly to keep his stamp up to date, get advice on his benefits and claim HB for the cost of his lodging with you.

he also need to speak to one of the debt charities urgently, I suggest CAP in his circumstances as they offer face to face support. he may have to go bankrupt, but if he owes HMRC money, there is a good chance they will save him the cost of the fees and do it for him.

Is the house he lived in with wife rented or purchased?

And put locks on your computer and insist he visits gambling support groups.

ColinHackett

Ok, so getting him to sign on is a must, He did do it a few times when his company first went bust but as he wasn't getting any benifits from it he stopped going as it was costing him money to get there. Thanks for the heads up about income-based JSA - i will get him to look in to it when he goes over.

The house he was living in with his wife was rented from the council.

Applying for jobs is being done as we speak, although there isn't a lot about at the moment, but anything will do at this moment in time.

I believe that he has spoken to CAB but there was nothing they could do to help (aparently!) might have to book another apointment and go over with him and see what they say.

He isn't gettin any help for the gambling at the moment but that is
going to be on the list of conditions for staying with us.
Speaking to a debt suport / advice charity is also on that list.

RAS - "I suggest CAP in his circumstances "

Do you have a link / contact details for these people?


Thanks to everyone for your help so far.

Tixy

CAP is christians against poverty

Christians Against Poverty: Debt counselling agency, which specialises in helping those who are emotionally struggling too. The religious focus is why they do it, not how they do it. Link: Christians Against Poverty Tel: 01274 760720

They will help people of any/no faith.