My head's in bits - i hate money!

ralphy1967

Hi everyone,

I've been trying to live the MSE life for quite a while now and appreciate all the help and advice that has been given, to other people. I read, take heed and act on a lot of the good stuff that is put on this site.

I am a discharged bankrupt, I declared myself bankrupt February 2000 and only this year I can actually start my life as my own again. I am recently married and my lovely husband has been a total rock and a complete life and sanity saver for me. I was severely depressed at the time of my bankruptcy and had nowhere to go for advice. I wasn't, at that time, allowed to open a bank account anywhere in my own name even though I was working full time in a good, steady job.

I have learnt the hard way about the values of money and the destruction that frivolous ways can cause.

The thing is whereas before my bankruptcy my attitude was 'it's only money, it can be paid back - sometime' and that's what got me into trouble.
Now my outlook on money is I am s**t-scared of it. And I am frightened about what can still happen as I am forever being encouraged to buy this on credit, increase my limit on my credit card (which I have only got to improve my credit rating).

Inside, I am not a strong willed person. I am scared that one moment of weakness can cause it all to go wrong again.

I have no overdraft. I have a good job with excellent prospects. I only have a £750 limit on my credit card which I try to pay off every month - it's nowhere near the limit. But I can't bear it that my life is still run by money.

I am forever trying to sell stuff on ebay/amazon/car boot sales. I am forever trying to think of how to make extra money to stop me from getting into debt.

My husband has never ever been in debt. He pays off his credit card every month without fail. He can't understand how I managed to get myself into such a bad way.

I am writing this because this month has been quite a tight one for me. I only have £45 in the bank to last me the rest of the month. Every time I try to get things right, something will come along to try and scupper my attempts (ie banks, charges, direct debit mishaps!) I am 38 years of age and have the financial mentality of a teenager.

I totally accept that this is all my own doing but I do think that any financial institutions only have themselves to blame for the amount of credit/loans that they 'tempt' vulnerable/weak-willed people with, then these people go under. I was one of them.

I know that people will be reading this and judging me because I am in a good way financially, at the moment, but the thought of my financial past never leaves me.

I am so sick of the stupid 'penny demons' going around in my mind.

Cheers for listening, it feels better to get it off my chest and out of my head.

T

rog2

Welcome to DFW - you have obviously been through a lot and you have come out of it a stronger person. There are many here, myself included, who will benefit from your experience.
Also - don't worry - a lot of us have only £45 or even less, to last till the end of the month - you'll manage - keep reading for tips.

iwbus

My missus was bankrupt and a lot of what you've said reminds me of what she's been through. I hope you sort things out and can feel stronger

anniestar

Welcome, please don't beat yourself up- you sound as though have learnt a hel* of a lot and with a supportive husband, your knowledge and the folks here you will get all the support you need. Also, please don't worry about people judging you, most of us are(or have been) in financial difficulties and WE KNOW WHERE YOU ARE COMMING FROM. You will get friendly non judgemential support. You are not alone.

advent1122

I would get rid of the credit card NOW.
You will up the limit before long, get another card, get a loan to pay off the cards, carry on using the cards etc etc etc.
Nip it in the bud before it begins.

earwig

well done for your responable attiude my husband is bankrupt and i know how hard it is but i wouldnt worry to much you pretty much answered your own question you said i USED to be its only money NOW im really scared by it and the fact that you have said i only have 40 pounds till the end of the month instead of i can use the card if i want to show that you proberly wont get in a mess again but i do agree pay the cc of shut it down you dont need it

Storm

Hello and welcome! :hello:

You've been through the worst, and no doubt the thought of that will keep you strong - and joining MSE shows that you want to keep hold of your finance now.

One suggestion (depending how tight money is each month) might be to focus on trying to save money rather than not spend it (if that makes sense!) I'm thinking that if you start saving a small amount each month, or do something like the £2 saver thing that a lot of people on here do it switches your focus to a positive aspect of money.

That way, you can treat yourself to things if the money's there, and hopefully it won't be a big panic if an unexpected bill comes in.

With your credit card - if you're not using anywhere near the £750 limit each month you could ask the bank to lower the limit to whatever you consider to be the 'safe' amount each month. That way you won't be able to put more on there than you can afford, and will remove the temptation.

£45 until the end of the month sounds quite tight - I would suggest drawing it all out in cash now so you can see clearly as it goes down (knowing that what I've got in my purse is IT does make me stop and think about purchases more!)

Storm

tyllwyd

ralphy1967 wrote:

I am writing this because this month has been quite a tight one for me. I only have £45 in the bank to last me the rest of the month. Every time I try to get things right, something will come along to try and scupper my attempts (ie banks, charges, direct debit mishaps!) I am 38 years of age and have the financial mentality of a teenager.

You have loads of sympathy from me - you sound very fragile and still suffering from the after-effects of the shock of your bankrupcy. If you felt this way about food, and you had suffered from an eating disorder, or about alcohol, and you had been an alcoholic, everyone would understand - feeling bad about money doesn't have a name (or if it does I don't know it!) but I'm sure it must have a similar effect on your life. Have you tried talking to your gp - maybe some kind of counselling might help you feel more in control of your life?

But at this stage, you really shouldn't be getting hit with things like bank charges and direct debits going wrong. If nothing else, it is such a waste of your hard earned cash! Do you use online banking to keep a close eye on your bank balance? Is there any way you can save up a little cushion so that you aren't always on the brink, so that if something goes out unexpectedly it won't mean you get hit by charges?

But £45 to last you the rest of the month isn't much! Is that the cash in your pocket to spend on bits & bobs like petrol and coffees, or does it have to cover any other bills?

ralphy1967

tyllwyd wrote:

But £45 to last you the rest of the month isn't much! Is that the cash in your pocket to spend on bits & bobs like petrol and coffees, or does it have to cover any other bills?

No it isn't for bills etc, they are all paid as soon as I get my salary in the bank and they aren't for bits and bobs. They are for quite a few 'social' occasions that are happening this month.

I try to have one socialising night out per month. Unfortunately there are three this month - Husband's birthday, baby-naming ceremony of very close friends, sister's gallery holding exhibition for well-known local artist (very big day for her and I am dead proud of her for doing this).

I just have to ask to 'borrow' out of the joint account!

As for the credit card. That will stay in the back of the drawer for dire emergencies.

I am currently trying to work out whether making cards to sell in my sister's shop may be a bit of a money earner for the next couple of months, also I have made some really old fashioned shabby-chic type of pegbags!! inspired by Cath Kidsons lovely stuff. She might be able to shift a couple of them in the run up to Christmas. Finger's crossed. Just have to get off my backside and get some made.

Also, I am so dizzy at the moment. I have only gone and used my husbands log in for these messages! I forgot that he registered as a member of MSE a couple of nights ago and I just jumped on and typed away earlier today!

Hope he doesn't see it!!!

thanks everyone, again and probably again in the future.

Starry-eyed_surprise

Money saving can become a way of life after some time spent on this site :cool: ANd there's nothing wrong with that. You sound as if you are doing really well now and just need a bit of reassurance. I am sure that your bad experience will always affect your attitude to money, for the better, and you won't have to relive that awful time again. You have something LEFT - a surplus and not a deficit. That is a PLUS. If you have a look at money saving old style there are lots of tips on there that should help you to get through this month and still be able to enjoy your celebration events cheaply. ALso, there is no harm in saying - I can't afford X at the moment so I am giving you a promise gift, a token that they might appreciate like donating some time to make or do something for them. Those 'penny demons' are not all bad. I have saved loads for Christmas listening to mine by savings £2 coins for the first time ever thanks to Greenfingers suggestion on this board - for the first time ever I have saved in advance for Christmas. I am sure you will be fine this time because you are not the 'money teenager' you say you were or you would'nt be here on these boards so don't beat yourself up.

If I may offer a suggestion though, it might be an idea to 'freeze' your credit card, literally in a plastic cup of water in the freezer then you won't be able to use it without serious thought and forward planning.

Best wishes to you.

dirtyepic

Starry-eyed_surprise wrote:

If I may offer a suggestion though, it might be an idea to 'freeze' your credit card, literally in a plastic cup of water in the freezer then you won't be able to use it without serious thought and forward planning.

Best wishes to you.

Thank you so much for your kind words and bundles of motivation. It's been said before and will be repeated millions of time in the future but it's so comforting to know that there are people on this messageboard who will always be there to help, advise or comfort you not judge or condemn and because its nearly always kind of anonymous it's not too embarrassing to open up and 'confess'.

As for the credit card 'freezing' suggestion - BRILLIANT! Consider it done!!!

Also my £1 coins will be hopefully filling up my Pigsback piggy bank (although I do keep spending them instead of withdrawing another £10 from the bank - so that's not too bad is it?!!!!)

Thank you all and good night.

I'll be back!!!

T
xx