Witholding CSA

shell_542

We know you want to withhold the payments and can see why ... But the CSA will NOT care! You will still owe it.

clearingout

Not sure I believe what I'm reading...

If you were a couple and one of you needed an operation, what would you do? Would you demand that your partner be available for the child regardless so that she couldn't have the operation, or would you go into work and explain what was going on, ask for some 'grace' and make up the hours at a later date? You are, by law, allowed a certain number of days off when you have pre-school children anyway (although granted they are unpaid). You did this once, not sure why it was a problem a second time and/or why you just didn't use your relatives to support you as you indicate this was an option - you don't need the mother's permission to have your brother/mother/uncle look after your child for you.

I'm not really sure that filing for residency is the answer to this. Just causes conflict. Or are you suggesting that she wasn't really having an operation?

Having said all that, I agree that continuing to mess around with pick up times is downright disrespectful and you need to do your best to convey this to her. And if you are paid by the hour and have payslips which show a reduction in what you have earned as a direct result of her messing about, then yes, ask for a reassessment and send them to the CSA. If you hit her in the pocket, maybe she'll understand.

krisroe

The point is she deems it okay to 'tell' me when I have the kids at the drop of a hat. If she had prewarned me about surgery dates I would have booked them off, I've said this to her before. Instead she lets me know the evening before in all 3 instances in the space of 9 days, to say her surgery sounds disbelievable is an understatement. I have no problem having my children extra, I enjoy the extra time, but i can't compromise my job in order to do so as it's detrimental to their wellbeing if I'm unemployed. It was her family I was suggesting looking after them for her as all mine would have been at work at the time.

Yes I'm entitled to parental leave, four days a year, all four of which have already been taken due to prior 'last minute apointments' she seems to tell me about a day beforehand. So instead I'm expected to take unpaid time off of work to look after my kids for their mum who I pay a proportion of my paycheck to in order to help with day to day living costs. Seems unfair to say the least.

Thanks for all the replies though, I've taken them all into consideration.

Mojisola

Are you sure that these medical appointments are for real? I can't imagine our NHS hospital telling us at 10pm one night to come in for surgery the next day.

You need to start a diary of what's happening - the planned visits and all the changes that are made. Start putting things in writing to her - letters, emails or texts - so that you have a record of your problems with work and her replies.

If she does have an urgent medical problem - she may not want to discuss the details with you - things may settle down once she's sorted out. If it's all a game to her, it could get worse. Try to make other arrangements with family so that you don't put your job in jeopardy. It might be worth saying to her that you could lose your job if you keep having to take time off and then you won't be able to pay her.

missbunbury

It would be a big mistake not to pay the CSA. Maintenance is classed as a priority debt, i.e you are expected to pay this (and your council tax) ahead of any other bills. Not saying this is right, just that it is the legal position. As others have said, if you are supposed to pay via the CSA (rather than direct to the mum) they will soon slap a deduction of earnings order on you which could be as high as 40% to recover the missed payments.
You could try requesting a reassessment on the grounds that your earnings are lower, but they may well say this is a one-off, and they usually want 5 weekly or 2 monthly wageslips before they'll reassess on these grounds. Also, you need to record on a calendar all the overnight care you have had recently and if it is adding up to more than you're being allowed via the CSA over the last few weeks, provide the calendar to them and request a reassessment for the future on the grounds that you now have more care. (I always recommend people record their overnight care as the CSA are very hot on what they call 'evidence' which is usually a diary or calendar.)

Now, as regards your precarious financial situation, I would suggest you look for other areas where you might be able to save some money - try the Debt Free Wannabe board or Up Your Income for helpful suggestions.