Usage of child maintenance

DUTR

Hornyrhino wrote: »

Its certainly not a power struggle....no infact, it is ....a struggle for me to get my sons Dad to spend more time with his 4 year old son. I would give anything for him to spend time with him. In the last 7 weeks, his Father has seen his son 3 times....and he lives only 15 minutes down the motorway. And no, I couldnt have driven my son to him before anyone suggests, as I have recently had surgery on my spine and was not allowed to drive for 5 weeks.

Im not one of these mothers that denies access or makes access difficult, ever. Its important that he has his father in his life (at least I think so, but his father thinks otherwise).

Always interesting to hear a fathers point of view like yourself DUTR, but my sons Father is not like you. Good luck with your mortgage free non headache lifestyle.

Just looking back at the original post, you mention that he said he will not be picking up the lad on his days off, I take it that where he works is not 'out of the way' for a school collection then?

ps my earlier post was not an attack , (It's just that can see where the fallout arises)

Hornyrhino

He works 4 days, has 6 off.....his work is 2 minutes drive away from my sons school........

Blue_Horizon

Hornyrhino wrote: »

He works 4 days, has 6 off.....his work is 2 minutes drive away from my sons school........

Have you asked him if there is any other reason why? It seems that you are both talking, can you have that sort of discussion with him?

JulietAmber_2

I would offer to help out with his petrol costs so he has no 'excuse'. Then, he'll have to tell you the real reason as it sounds like he just doesn't want to be arsed. PWC don't have that privilage, they have no choice but to do the school run.

Soubrette

JulietAmber wrote: »

I would offer to help out with his petrol costs so he has no 'excuse'. Then, he'll have to tell you the real reason as it sounds like he just doesn't want to be arsed. PWC don't have that privilage, they have no choice but to do the school run.

(My emphasis in bold) tell me about it, my ex paid no child maintenance for four years (my stupid fault as I totally fell for the shared care and parenting idea) and after 2.5 years airily told me that he wouldn't be buying one of his daughters any more clothes as she wasn't grateful enough.

Imagine if a PWC declared they weren't going to buy their child any more clothes for any reason at all let alone perceived gratitude levels *rolleyes*, it could be rightly seen as child abuse.

OP, I feel there is a contradiction in what you say you feel and what you actually feel. You say you want your son's dad to maintain contact (and it seems that offering to pay at least some of the petrol would be cheaper than a child minder) but you baulk at actually offering him money.

I have an ex that would rather throw something away than give it to me yet takes anything offered out of our household (my daughter has this weird belief that we like each other ). Yes it irks that he'd rather waste stuff than give it to us yet takes our things like he's on the breadline (earns somewhere between 3-6 times more than us) but in the end giving things to him that we would give to someone anyway makes my daughter happy and that's what actually matters (an unfortunate side effect is that it also shows her Dad in a very poor light to her but these are his choices and not under my control).

If it's no skin off your nose ie you save money by offering him something towards petrol and it keeps your son in contact with his dad - then be the bigger parent.

gratefulforhelp_2

Another way of looking at it may be that its a slippery slope. And what happens if for some reason the OP is unable to help with petrol costs at some time? Does the NRP then claim he can't have contact because "mummy has stopped paying for the petrol"?

Soubrette

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Another way of looking at it may be that its a slippery slope. And what happens if for some reason the OP is unable to help with petrol costs at some time? Does the NRP then claim he can't have contact because "mummy has stopped paying for the petrol"?

That is a possibility but speaking personally I think that contact with both parents is very important and if I was the PWC and could facilitate this (and actually be quids in as a bonus) then I would it, not happily but because it's best for my son (I don't have boys but I think it is even more important that the same sex children and parent have a good relationship. (This may make me sound like a wonderful PWC but if the child is 14 and mature and doesn't want contact then I wouldn't force it - the child's rights are paramount to me not the NRPs)

Secondly, this may work when a child is 6 or 7 but if an NRP says this to an older child of 10 or 11 - the older child is going to wonder about what kind of parent relies on the other parent to pay for them to see the child. My ex has these problems, crying poverty but spending money on luxuries for himself, children aren't that stupid

Being honest though, it sounds like it's more than the petrol costs.