Problem with girlfriend's parents

LewisC_2

BigDunc wrote:

I think your future father-in-law is posting on here LewisC.

:rotfl: Nope, that's not him. In fact, he actually rather agrees with me because he doesn't believe every word the government tells him and has far more sense than this guy!

coolio_2

LewisC wrote:

That's out of the question, and frankly, you're out of order :mad:

Don't post questions, if all you want is a pat on the back and 'there there' from everyone.

LewisC_2

coolio wrote:

Don't post questions, if all you want is a pat on the back and 'there there' from everyone.

If you read my original post, the thread was started so I could get some advice for people on how to better my relationship with my girlfriend's parents. I didn't want a pat on the back, nor did I want silly, flippant remarks. As the rules at the top of the forum state: if you've not got anything useful to say, don't say it. Flaming is not welcome on this forum.

coolio_2

If things are so bad with her parents, I would certainly consider walking away from a relationship. The sound like they are overbearing. I wouldn't think about telling my parents I was seeing someone until at least 6-8 weeks down the line min, and then to meet, well a year doesn't sound unreasonable. You're only young, and it's good that you want to make an effort but sometimes whatever you do, a girls parents will always be very overbearing.

annie-c

I think you sound like a really nice guy and hopefully her parents will come round to seeing you that way,if you hang in there and get to know them. The bottom line is that they will decide for themselves whether or not they like you and there's not a whole lot you can do except hang in there and keep treating their 'little girl' with respect. It sounds as though they are a bit overprotective to me, but all families are different and it sounds as though for this girl, the parents are going to play a certain role in the relationship, whether you like it or not.

I think the advice earlier about not being too vocal about University (which is costing them a fortune and is important in their eyes) and also texting if she is going to be late, etc is good advice. Part of the deal of living at home is that you have to take other people into consideration, and whether you are 'old enough' to look after yourself isn't really the issue. As a former female student going home in the holidays myself, I just got used to living by different rules in home time and term time. My parents weren't overprotective and accepted that when I was away I was out all night as often as I liked. But when I was home and they KNEW where I was they couldn't help reacting in the old ways when I was late home and worrying whether I was safe etc.... so I just got in the habit of ringing etc, as a matter of courtesy more than anything. My tip would be to always make sure she is the one that texts and encourage her to say you reminded her - so they see you as a positive influence on her.

To be honest, they know she is with you and more than worrying about her safety, her dad is probably going insane thinking of his 'little' daughter (safe or not) having a relationship with a man when she should be at home tucked up in her (single...) bed!!!!

Just stay cool, be respectful to them and her and see how it goes. No one can make anyone else like them... you can only behave in ways that increase your probability of others liking you - after that it's up to them to decide whether or not your face fits, and then for you and the GF to decide what that means for your relationship.

Good luck!!!

Annie

westernpromise

LewisC wrote:

Thanks, some good advice there. And nope, no piercings or tattoos at all! Without blowing my own trumpet, I'm a young guy who doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, doesn't do raves, has a well-paid secure office job, so I do find it hard to see where they're coming from

She's going to be a graduate and you're not, so if she ends up with you, she would be marrying beneath herself?

StartingAgainKayla70

I am sure it will work out for you, and they are bound to come round.

My mum's mum and dad didnt go to her wedding as she was marrying a chinese guy, after a while they treated him as if he were their own.

Me on the other hand, which is probably wrong but thats my personality, I dont give a toss if the in laws dont like me, yes it makes life easier for all to get on, but I am going out with the hubby not the MIL or FIL.

Snaggles

westernpromise wrote:

She's going to be a graduate and you're not, so if she ends up with you, she would be marrying beneath herself?

So your value as a person is measured by your academic qualifications? Hmmmmm......

(I'm hoping here that you are suggesting this is what her parents think, and it's not your actual opinion?)

LewisC_2

westernpromise wrote:

She's going to be a graduate and you're not, so if she ends up with you, she would be marrying beneath herself?

So because I don't have a uni degree, I'm a lower form of life? It's people like you that need to live in the real world.

LewisC_2

Michaela wrote:

I am sure it will work out for you, and they are bound to come round.

My mum's mum and dad didnt go to her wedding as she was marrying a chinese guy, after a while they treated him as if he were their own.

Me on the other hand, which is probably wrong but thats my personality, I dont give a toss if the in laws dont like me, yes it makes life easier for all to get on, but I am going out with the hubby not the MIL or FIL.

Thanks Michaela, that's the OH's view as well. She said she feels forced into choosing between me and them, and that if it came to that, she'd pack her bags and say goodbye to her parents as she knows I would never ask her to do that. I hope it doesn't come to that. It probably just seems worse than it is. To be fair, as I haven't had much contact with her parents, most of the stuff is told to me second-hand by her, and she's probably the biggest worrier on the planet :rotfl: