Problem with girlfriend's parents

LewisC_2

CCStar wrote:

I am sorry to hear about your predicament.

I can understand the parents, you and your girlfriend. I am currently a parent to our son at uni and I was once at uni myself, so know both sides.

This is the one time she has to get her education and they don't want anyone upsetting her. It is a natural parental protection instinct. I don't think it is you they are worried about. I don't think the comment about disagreeing with universities will do you any favours in their eyes but you are entitled to think that.

It is harsh them saying 'you or uni' to her. It will put her under pressure and upset her. They sound like strict parents and still see her as their 'little girl'. She will need to show them she is an adult, again it takes time.

The waiting up is a common annoyance, I go nuts when my son comes in later than he says. It is hard to unwind when someone is due home, so it keeps you awake. An element of worry does occur too. You could have rung or texted to say you would be later.

You say her parents have pressure, that will be stressing them too.

Your girlfriend sounds to be very fond of you.

If you really care about her and her parents, patience is the key. Backing off when she needs to study and showing understanding about her parents feelings. If you can convince the parents you won't disrupt her studies and really care about her, I am sure they will be more accepting towards you, but it will take time.

Thankyou, that was very reassuring

I forgot how awesome you guys are :beer:

ailuro2

LewisC wrote:

Thanks, some good advice there. And nope, no piercings or tattoos at all! Without blowing my own trumpet, I'm a young guy who doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, doesn't do raves, has a well-paid secure office job, so I do find it hard to see where they're coming from

Good for you, nice to hear that.

given time they'll realise she could do worse.:p

Dead_Eye_Jones

prob not the best news, but in my experience youll have to bear it. If your gf feels the same way let her raise the issues, but im afriad its just not your place to jump in. Perhaps now you're starting to realise where all the in-law jokes originate from! Its tricky ground because you have to remember they are your gf's parents and she wont take kindly to your critiscm even if she feels the same, you always have to let her lead and then support her arguments - but dont get too carried away because you'll find she'll get defensive of her parents if you take it too far! Its strange but true!

But be patient, sooner or later, if its meant to be, youll end up with your own place and in-law probs will be restricted to Christmas holidays. Personally I just grin and bare it, I realise there is no point in criticising or being negative so I just throw myself into it and live by their rules for a few days. By the time I get back the misses is full of praise and I can make use of the points I just banked. Alls fair in love and in-laws!

melancholly

sounds like a nightmare - i didn't meet BF's parents for about 18 months (i don't think they even knew about me for a year - apparently it 'never came up' )
lots of people manage long distance relationships at university (and beyond). just hang in there - and be really careful not to put her in the middle of any tension between you and her parents. make an effort to visit her as often as she visits you to show that you're putting yourself out and not expecting her to come to you.
and dead_eye_jones is very right - I can criticise my family but if anyone else tries i would get very defensive (i can see the irony but can't help it!)

coolio_2

dump her, i wouldnt wanna deal with outlaws like that for the rest of my life

GordonBritas

In fact, although I've never agreed with universities and thought of them as nothing but useless,

Anyone who could make such a blanket statement of rank stupidity would not be welcome to date my daughter.

nearlyrich

My son has had a GF for about six months and we only met her last month, I wouldn't dream of pressurising either of my children to bringtheir BF or Gf to meet us until they were ready.

I understand the point of the GF's parent about concentrating on the Uni course because if they are helping to support her it's not inexpensive and they want to be sure she is giving it 100%.

I also know it's pointless to try to influence a relationship with someone who is not suitable however hard it is to see your child being hurt or let down (not that I am saying this is happening in this case).

I hope it all works out for you, for what it's worth my ex MIL hated me when I met her son but she thinks I am wonderful now and I haven't been married to her precious son for nearly 20 years LOL.

BigDunc

GordonBritas wrote:

Anyone who could make such a blanket statement of rank stupidity would not be welcome to date my daughter.

I think your future father-in-law is posting on here LewisC.

[Deleted User]

Next time you go to your chemist/doctor/lawyer/dentist/accountant remember to tell them how useless university is and that you don't agree with it

LewisC_2

coolio wrote:

dump her, i wouldnt wanna deal with outlaws like that for the rest of my life

That's out of the question, and frankly, you're out of order :mad: