Need to start somewhere...how about here?!

David1974

How things change.....This time in 2004, i was sitting debt free, with £12,000 in my savings account and owned a 1 year Focus ST outright. Due to 2 disasterous relationships - which made me depressed between then and 2006 i have amounted some serious debt (having a good time with not much to show for it) which is making me even more unhappy. I met the love of my life in 2006 and we got married in 2009, and had a wonderful son later that year.

My wife doesnt know the extent of my debt. She knows i have some, but doesn know how much. This past year has been extra tough as she earns alot more than i do and has been on reduced wages (SMP) due to maternity pay. Also our tracker mortgage rate changed from 0.99 (0.5 above base rate) to the SVR at 3.69 (which is still pretty good) but meant our mortgage increased some £300!

Our combined income means that we should be comfortable and able to pay the debts off quicker, but i am scared about revealing the true extent of my debt to my wife. I am ashamed of how i have let things get this bad. I have never missed a payment, but in the last year accidently gone over my limit on the Barclaycard once. I have posted an SOA below and would really welcome your views and advice on what to do next.

Note: i have included all household items, including my wifes IF loan which is the only debt she has.

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 2
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 2122
Partners monthly income after tax....... 2715
Benefits................................ 80
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 4917
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 1133
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 145
Electricity............................. 19
Gas..................................... 41
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 22
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 35
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 250
Clothing................................ 15
Petrol/diesel........................... 150
Road tax................................ 30
Car Insurance........................... 76
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 15
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 758
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 34
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10
Haircuts................................ 20
Entertainment........................... 20
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 2785

Assets
Cash.................................... 1000
House value (Gross)..................... 300000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 7000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 308000

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 229000...(1133).....3.69
Total secured & HP debts...... 229000....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Egg Card.......................4949......120.......5.9
Egg Money......................2965......88........26.9
Mint...........................3230......72........16.9
First Direct O/draft...........1500......10........15.9
First Direct Loan..............7827......183.......9.9
IF.............................2200......140.......11.9
Santander Loan.................9495......260.......16.6
Barclaycard....................6137.22...138.......15.9
Total unsecured debts..........38303.22..1011......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 4,917
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,785
Available for debt repayments........... 2,132
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,011
Amount left after debt repayments....... 1,121
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 308,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -229,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -38,303.22
Net Assets.............................. 40,696.78

Barricade

You married each other because you love and support each other.
If i were you I'd also be nervous, but as the saying goes "a problem shared is a problem halved."

Your in this together and honesty is one of the key factors in a relationship. Sure, she may be angry at first but you want to tackle it and be without the worry!
Your finances dont appear to be bad at all and you look like your managing quite easily.

Your SOA shows you have over £1k left after debt repayments etc.
How is it that you are still using your £1500 overdraft if this is the case?

Do not let me come across as judgemental, I'm not.
Obviously the high interest debts need tackling first so perhaps look for a 0% interest card on balance transfers.


I wish you good luck and well done for wanting to tackle it!

David1974

Barricade wrote: »

You married each other because you love and support each other.
If i were you I'd also be nervous, but as the saying goes "a problem shared is a problem halved."

Your in this together and honesty is one of the key factors in a relationship. Sure, she may be angry at first but you want to tackle it and be without the worry!
Your finances dont appear to be bad at all and you look like your managing quite easily.

Your SOA shows you have over £1k left after debt repayments etc.
How is it that you are still using your £1500 overdraft if this is the case?

Do not let me come across as judgemental, I'm not.
Obviously the high interest debts need tackling first so perhaps look for a 0% interest card on balance transfers.


I wish you good luck and well done for wanting to tackle it!

Thanks Barricade - you are right - i should be open and honest with my wife. I guess i feel so low about myself and the situation that i am scared about what can/could happen going forward. I am having the LBM, but i am scared about the LBM impact on my wife and our life. I basically get paid each month, then go straight back into my OD. I pay all of my debts from my sole 'wages' account and transfer £1050 into the joint account each moth (she pays £350) which covers mortgage, gas, electricity, Council tax and House insurance. After i have paid my debts, and the payment to the joint accont for the house, i have practically nothing left and often use my remaining credit card balances to pay for essentials like petrol or occassional shopping. :mad:

This is a revolving nightmare situation as the balances are not really going down. My Santander loan was an old Cahoot loan which i can reduce the payments on i have kept them at £260, but could pay the minimum which is around £230-235 i think.

Should i consider another job? Would the combined tax make it worthwhile? I have alot of records i could sell and CD's. these could be worth £400-500.. perhaps these could go towards the expensive debts first?

Considering the number of debts i have, and high balances, i doubt i would be accepted for a 0% card.

bluejeans53

Hiya David, I cant hep you much on financial advice as I just arrived here myself yesterday.

But what I can say is. I hid my debt for years from my husband for years. The stress was temendous. He found out accidently, he went berserk for about and hour, said he wished I had told him earlie, then he was brilliant and totally with me and still is. his is a brilliant place to be, Fabulous people, always willing to help. Stick with this forum and you will get there.

podperson

Ok so basically the £1k surplus showing is mainly your wife's money since you have separate accounts? Think you really need to sit down and talk to her about this, yes she might be a bit upset at first but you are meant to be a partnership. If you were pulling together you would be able to make some big dents in the debt but because you are struggling on your own that isn't happening. Yes it is scary but she loves you and think about if it was the other way round - would you want to think that she was struggling with something and too scared to tell you when you would be help if you knew?

David1974

bluejeans53 wrote: »

Hiya David, I cant hep you much on financial advice as I just arrived here myself yesterday.

But what I can say is. I hid my debt for years from my husband for years. The stress was temendous. He found out accidently, he went berserk for about and hour, said he wished I had told him earlie, then he was brilliant and totally with me and still is. his is a brilliant place to be, Fabulous people, always willing to help. Stick with this forum and you will get there.

Thankyou! I'm sure i will eventually pluck up the courage to share my feelings and issues with the wife. It's horrible at times, so bad that i have considered suicide (in the past year and more recently) (my pension statement shows at present it is enough death benefits to cover the debt in full and leave £60k plus £16k p.a pension to her) but Samaritans persuaded me to stick it out but now and again i do think about it as a horrible way out of this mess.

I know it would devistate my family and be a total cowards way out, but at least i would be free from the pain and anguish. I keep thinking/spending time with of my 1 year old who i love so much and think "what the hell are you doing thinking this".. but the feelings eventually come back now and again. I did have a doctors appointment last week, but chickened out through just not feeling upto sharing it with the doctor. I should have gone, i know.

Sorry guys, i appreciate your help and will get through this with your guidance and support. I hope that one day i will be Debt Free and able to help someone just like me.:j

David1974

podperson wrote: »

Ok so basically the £1k surplus showing is mainly your wife's money since you have separate accounts? Think you really need to sit down and talk to her about this, yes she might be a bit upset at first but you are meant to be a partnership. If you were pulling together you would be able to make some big dents in the debt but because you are struggling on your own that isn't happening. Yes it is scary but she loves you and think about if it was the other way round - would you want to think that she was struggling with something and too scared to tell you when you would be help if you knew?

You are right on the button here Podperson! The 'slack' in the budget is her spare cash each month which she saves around £300 in an ISA and the rest goes on the occassional holiday or treats for my son and I. Everything you say makes sense! Infact i helped my then G/F just like this in 2002. I helped her with her debts, and felt closer to her because i was able to help.

Barricade

Is your wife still on Maternity pay, or is she now recieving a full wage?
The reason I ask is that its as if you are paying for this lifestyle pretty much yourself.
With her contribution to the house of £350, whats happening with the rest of the money?
Is it sat in an account not being used?

It looks to me at the moment that your wife has the most disposable income, so realistically, you're not going to solve this quickly without her knowing.
Perhaps then, look at a snowball plan.. essentially paying off a balance first with the standard payment plus additional, and then once paid off, choosing another debt, paying your standard amount plus the additional PLUS the money your no longer paying for the previous debt.

One other thing.. are you paying for nursery privately, or are you claiming childcare vouchers? How old are the children, and are they eligble for free childcare places?

B

startingtosave

Oh my goodness, please please please do not commit suicide...

'I know it would devistate my family and be a total cowards way out, but at least i would be free from the pain and anguish.'

Read the first 7 words of that sentence you wrote - they are the most important ones. I understand that things are tough just now but by ending your own life you'd just be transferring all that pain and anguish to your family. Think about your little boy and don't let him grow up wondering why you didnt love him enough to sort yourself out and make a fresh start.

Your signature shows a goal of being debt free in 4 years. Nobody's saying that those will be an easy four years, maybe it will even take a little longer but the point is that it CAN be done. Please tell your wife, expect her to be initially angry, it will come as a shock after all but hopefully after that you'll find that she'll support and love you until you're back on your feet financially. There's support on these boards too and wonderful stories from people who have cleared what seems like an insurmountable debt. Use them and the external organisations that exist. Do talk to your doctor too - use all the support you can get.

You CAN do it!! Take the first step in the right direction and then keep walking that way.

Good luck!

suzybloo

Cant really offer much advice on the money side, as quite new to this, but please dont think about suicide, go and get help - your wee one year old loves you dearly for who you are - not what money you do or do not have. Cherish every moment of your wee one - they are priceless and lovely memories of playing together, laughing together cost nothing. I am sure your wife will be angry to start with but you are fortunate in that you have the means to sort this out,
Please talk to your doctor, or another professional - they always say the darkest hour is just before dawn - hang in there dawn will be just round the corner,