My Updated SOA - Still struggling

RAS

Whoa

Slow down a bit.

Tes, ultimately the solution is for you to get a better paid job, but the current reality is that you have £870 per month to live off, so that is what we have to work with.

I fully understand that working 10 hours days is tiring; what I am suggesting is the fact hat you feel more tired may be due to both the long days and the lack of control over your time, rather than the number of hours you work. Loss of control is depressing and tiring.

I am not suggesting you spend money buying things you do not need; just that if you put aside money each month you can afford to buy things that you see when they are cheap rather than when you need them, whether this is thre tins of tomatoes, a present for you daughter or a new bra. Also, if you join www.freegle.org.uk, you may find things there that you do not need immediately, like pots of paint, which you may in some months time put together with enough wallpaper to do one wall to redecorate a room.

Pity about the outside loo; I was refering to your daughter's room being essentially an en-suite room. If you had any other loo facilities to use yourself, you could have rented it out once or twice a year.

Regarding the furniture, this is definately one for freegle or freecycle. You may well be able to get what you want on there over time.

Regarding your dad, if it is only £2 in petrol, how many times are you likely to visit each month, as you need to allocate the require amount to one side this month and in future months. Forget about debt busting at the moment, as you need to concentrate on what matters.

I am NOT having a go at you for taking a short break. I am telling you that you need to budget for these. At least £10 per month needs to go into the kitty, whether it pays the petrol and entry fees to Southport, a visit to an old friend or a 241 meal out with a mate, even if you only do something once every other month, you need to do something to make life worth living and you need to budget for it.

RAS

elfen wrote: »

Everyone keeps telling you the same thing; you CAN get working person's tax credit as you are, essentially, low paid. I can understand the stigma of this ,but look at is as extra to tide you over until you get a better paid job, not long-term 'oh i have to rely on the social to get through'. You pay tax, you work hard, I 'd say you're entitled to it as you need the wiggle room or you will go under if something goes wrong (I know, I have been there and I'm still recovering) See WPTC as a stop-gap; this is how my mum and dad see it too.

Hi
Sadly, I think that butterflies is just outside the WTC limit. If they took her CSA payments into account, she would probably get them, but..

Do check though on www.entitledto.com

Butterfliesarepretty

RAS wrote: »

Whoa

Slow down a bit.

Tes, ultimately the solution is for you to get a better paid job, but the current reality is that you have £870 per month to live off, so that is what we have to work with.

I fully understand that working 10 hours days is tiring; what I am suggesting is the fact hat you feel more tired may be due to both the long days and the lack of control over your time, rather than the number of hours you work. Loss of control is depressing and tiring.

I am not suggesting you spend money buying things you do not need; just that if you put aside money each month you can afford to buy things that you see when they are cheap rather than when you need them, whether this is thre tins of tomatoes, a present for you daughter or a new bra. Also, if you join www.freegle.org.uk, you may find things there that you do not need immediately, like pots of paint, which you may in some months time put together with enough wallpaper to do one wall to redecorate a room.

Pity about the outside loo; I was refering to your daughter's room being essentially an en-suite room. If you had any other loo facilities to use yourself, you could have rented it out once or twice a year.

Regarding the furniture, this is definately one for freegle or freecycle. You may well be able to get what you want on there over time.

Regarding your dad, if it is only £2 in petrol, how many times are you likely to visit each month, as you need to allocate the require amount to one side this month and in future months. Forget about debt busting at the moment, as you need to concentrate on what matters.

I am NOT having a go at you for taking a short break. I am telling you that you need to budget for these. At least £10 per month needs to go into the kitty, whether it pays the petrol and entry fees to Southport, a visit to an old friend or a 241 meal out with a mate, even if you only do something once every other month, you need to do something to make life worth living and you need to budget for it.

the weekend away costs me nothing really because its with the car club and entry fee is free.
My dad lives quite close, i could not afford to visit him often as he was in manchester in hospital, thats when its hard.

Freecycle already with and cant get furniture as I have a convertible car and no friends who would help me transport it. Only two friends visit me, i have friends at work, one of my friends moving back to scotland soon. Eg I have an operation on my hand in november local anasthetic, I have nobody who can pick me up or take me there. thats the reality of living alone, nobody wants to know even if you ask.

I always offer help to anybody whos in trouble. I have books I want to sell, good ones too but nobody wants to buy eight books for £15 on ebay.
Ive got two large posters of marilyn monroe that I cant find frames for so I want to sell them for £10 for both too but I know I will incur bills on ebay. Even gumtree does not sell things for me.

tilly_willow

Having read the thread the feeling that is coming through to me is that you are very low. I know there are all the money issues for you to deal with but you need to be mentally stong enough as well as physically to go to work etc. You may benefit from discussing with your GP because if the stress is dealt with you may be up to doing the overtime, which will then help with the money, so reducing stress further.

Good luck T_W

dktreesea

How about listing your books individually on Amazon instead of Ebay? It doesn't cost anything to list them. Just make sure you include enough price to cover the postage if they are heavy, as the net postage from Amazon is only £2.26, i.e. after they take out their admin fee, so doesn't really stretch to 1kg.

Keep your chin up, Butterfliesarepretty. I think you are actually doing quite well, coping with a mortgage alone, not to mention contributing to the cost of bringing up your daughter.

With your council tax, are you claiming the 25% discount from living alone?

I do think when you are living alone that giving yourself little treats is important. But so is having a little bit of rainy day money set aside. I have £10 a month going into a cash ISA, which every now and then I raid, if an unexpected bill comes along. I know it sounds like a pathetic wee amount, but surprisingly it does add up.

RAS

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

Freecycle already with and cant get furniture as I have a convertible car and no friends who would help me transport it. Only two friends visit me, i have friends at work, one of my friends moving back to scotland soon. Eg I have an operation on my hand in november local anasthetic, I have nobody who can pick me up or take me there. thats the reality of living alone, nobody wants to know even if you ask.

Hi I appreciate the problems; I live alone and have no car and no family within 200 miles. Ditto with surgery; and right now I am concerned for you in November. How will you get to and form work? Can you do your job or will you haver to tqake time off?

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

I have books I want to sell, good ones too but nobody wants to buy eight books for £15 on ebay.

Amazon is better for book sales, but make sure you charge enough for postage.

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

Ive got two large posters of marilyn monroe that I cant find frames for so I want to sell them for £10 for both too but I know I will incur bills on ebay. Even gumtree does not sell things for me.

Wait for a free listing day?

d3mon4ngel

Hi Butterfliesarepretty,

Sorry to hear about the situation you are in.

I really don't want you to take the following the wrong way, and believe me, I am not "getting at you" in any way, shape or form.

From your posts, it seems that no matter what is suggested, you are only seeing the negative side of it, only seeing what could go wrong, rather than trying to see how it could go right. It sounds like you are depressed, and there is absolutely no shame in going to see your GP and letting them know how you are feeling. Even just doing that could make you feel a whole lot better. It is very easy to become reclusive when money starts getting tight. Take it from one who knows. Remember though that you are NOT alone. Even if there is no one "in real life" who you can talk to, you still have people on here. We're real people too It might also help to start a debt-free diary on here, somewhere you can let out all the stresses of the day. It can be quite cathartic I assure you

You say your car is too old to sell, but have you tried to? Can you do without a car if you could sell it? Have you advertised it anywhere? As a suggestion, could there be someone you work with that it maybe looking to get a bigger car? If there is, you could arrange some kind of exchange with them maybe. (Disclaimer: I know nothing about cars so apologies if yours is only small! - just looked up pics on google, and I see now it's not a family car! Looking on ebay, depending on condition you should be able to get at least £500 for it though.)

Have you been keeping a spending diary? I found that this was a big eye-opener when I first came on here. It really does let you see where your money is going without you realising it. It makes you spend less on frivilous things too - I felt guilty as hell when I spent £2 on myself and ruined an otherwise "no spend" day, just because I knew I'd have to write it down and it would be there in black and white. According to your SOA, you should have over £150 left sitting in the bank at the end of each month, and if you haven't, the diary can really help you see why.

Really hope that things start to get better for you soon.
(( HUGS ))

Butterfliesarepretty

tilly_willow wrote: »

Having read the thread the feeling that is coming through to me is that you are very low. I know there are all the money issues for you to deal with but you need to be mentally stong enough as well as physically to go to work etc. You may benefit from discussing with your GP because if the stress is dealt with you may be up to doing the overtime, which will then help with the money, so reducing stress further.

Good luck T_W

Hi thanks for your comments, I was low in april and may and went on anti-depressants for a short time. I only get low probably one or two days a month, I am fine at work, the money issues are not that bad and i dont feel really low. I am reducing my stress levels by avoiding negative conflict and negative people.
I have good friends at work and my best friend who drives to my house when I am upset is always there to comfort me. He is moving to scotland soon but hes even coming down to support me when I have an op on my thumb in november. I am trying to save some cash to go and visit him in scotland before xmas. So that will be a little holiday for me. I am going for physio soon on my shoulder so that will help me. Im a chirpy person and I am soon to try sketching again and i hope to start my volunteering work on the canal once my shoulder is healed.

Butterfliesarepretty

d3mon4ngel wrote: »

Hi Butterfliesarepretty,

Sorry to hear about the situation you are in.

I really don't want you to take the following the wrong way, and believe me, I am not "getting at you" in any way, shape or form.

thats ok Im not at all, just hearing and taking notes

From your posts, it seems that no matter what is suggested, you are only seeing the negative side of it, only seeing what could go wrong, rather than trying to see how it could go right. It sounds like you are depressed, and there is absolutely no shame in going to see your GP and letting them know how you are feeling. Even just doing that could make you feel a whole lot better. It is very easy to become reclusive when money starts getting tight. Take it from one who knows. Remember though that you are NOT alone. Even if there is no one "in real life" who you can talk to, you still have people on here. We're real people too It might also help to start a debt-free diary on here, somewhere you can let out all the stresses of the day. It can be quite cathartic I assure you

I used to keep a notebook of everything I spent years ago and it did help. going to start that again when I get paid. I do have a very good friend who gives me all the hugs and support I need and I feel very lucky. Im not really depressed just concerned sometimes. Being single is difficult but i know people in worse situations.

You say your car is too old to sell, but have you tried to? Can you do without a car if you could sell it? Have you advertised it anywhere? As a suggestion, could there be someone you work with that it maybe looking to get a bigger car? If there is, you could arrange some kind of exchange with them maybe. (Disclaimer: I know nothing about cars so apologies if yours is only small! - just looked up pics on google, and I see now it's not a family car! Looking on ebay, depending on condition you should be able to get at least £500 for it though.)

As for my car you have to understand its paid for, its gorgeous and I love it. I cant live without my as I need it to see my daughter 50 miles away. I dont want a bigger car, I had them before and never used the back seats. My car is my only luxury and I look after it, maintain it mechanically myself, with help from other mx5 owners. Its in immaculate condition and its a special no rust etc. This car will go for more than £500 more like £2k as they keep their value. I could never go back to a normal car as this was my 40th present to myself and it gives me fun in the summer. Its a no no for the car its essential and I love adding things to it. Eg the roof seal had gone and these are £50 new, I got a second hand one off an owner for £10 posted and fitted it myself yesterday.
Its cheap for me on insurance and it would cost me more to change the car.


Have you been keeping a spending diary? I found that this was a big eye-opener when I first came on here. It really does let you see where your money is going without you realising it. It makes you spend less on frivilous things too - I felt guilty as hell when I spent £2 on myself and ruined an otherwise "no spend" day, just because I knew I'd have to write it down and it would be there in black and white. According to your SOA, you should have over £150 left sitting in the bank at the end of each month, and if you haven't, the diary can really help you see why.

I do have lots of no spend days though, especially when I have my day off each week. What I intend to do is practice sketching again while listening to music and this will relax me more.:D

Really hope that things start to get better for you soon.
(( HUGS ))

closed

Sell the shares, budget cards or savings schemes for car tax or regular bills are a bad idea when you have interest bearing debt, use the money to pay off CC or overdraft (unless it's interest free) instead.