Anyone able to advise?

meltdown_point

Hi......again:o

Dp and I are going our seperate ways.....Its no ones fault...well actually its mine but he reckons i need some counselling...major guilt issues not relating to him...just issues.

So i need help...or we need help sorry.

He has 2 kids with his ex wife......17 and 15 he doesnt have them overnight...17yo lived with us for 6 months while his mum collected every benefit available.(another story) Dp got CB for him for 6 weeks...and has asked for a reassessment. (17yo brought drugs into the house and with 5 other impressionable kids in the house he wasnt asked to leave but chose to...got him help with DAISY and other organisations but he wasnt willing to acknowledge there was a problem)

We have one child together....8 months and the picture of his dad...and an absolute delight to be around!! (still loved up by him can you tell?)

I have 4 kids from my marriage.....I dont receive cm for, but thats ok its not an issue.

I dont want cm from babies dad but he has asked me to go through csa.....how bad does this sound...4 kids with one and another with someone else!! stigmas are awful arent they?

I am happy enough with babies dad just being here and being able to take him out and get him clothes and show him off...he also takes my kids out too, as he feels its important to keep the bond up with everyone so to ensure bambino grows up happy....

But again he has asked me and I just dont know what to do....

He is on CSA2....im on benefits..... I know he pays out 280 pm cm to his ex wife, can i not just say we have a private agreement?

Everything is so much more easier now that we have split up im not getting abuseive calls anymore and the kids are so much happier now that they have stuff to do and days to arrange with their step dad!!

HELP?
Please.

Loopy_Girl

You don't have to go to the CSA anymore if you are on benefits.

Yes you can arrange a private arrangement with him and to be honest, if you are both getting on well and it's a beneficial relationship with the kids etc etc then it's best to steer well clear of them.

Any monies you receive from him you are allowed to keep without affecting any of your benefits.

Why don't you ask what he would like to/can afford to pay and see if you can both find some middle ground financially speaking?

shell_542

The reason he may have suggested going to the CSA is because once you move out and have a private agreement, what he pays for your child will not be recognised by the CSA. His paymentsto his ex will probably go up if someone notifies them of the change of circumstances. It might be difficult for him to pay the higher amount to the ex hrough the CSA and still pay you through a private agreement.

If you went through the CSA, everyone would get their share.

Hope that's makes sense.

DX2

He wants you to go via CSA as this will reduce his current payment to his ex simples really.

Loopy_Girl

DX2 wrote: »

He wants you to go via CSA as this will reduce his current payment to his ex simples really.

But the OP has said that she has told him that she doesn't want CS and is happy with there being regular contact...if she goes to the CSA then yes the first PWC money will drop but it will just mean he is paying the shortfall to OP

So he's not going to be any better off?

gratefulforhelp_2

meltdown don't let the stigma thing worry you, its only very narrow minded people that you wouldn't want to associate with anyway.

Just worry about your future.