Private arrangement & Holiday help...

ajatuk

My ex and i have two 15yr old twin daughters. she had residency through court order after our divorce. i paid her thru standing order for both girls very generously. being greedy she went to CSA who lowered my payments. Then one of my daughters insisted she wanted to come live with me and my second wife so she did for 2 years, CSA worked out i paid her X amount then 2 weeks later she paid me same less £2 back so we mutually sacked CSA and both took financial responsibility of each daughter living with us. Recently my daughter went back to mum against her will as we had 2 years of hell from her family members ignoring our daughter to punish her for leaving her mum...we all thought it best she went back to her mum and sister. Since then we arranged a private arrangement of £200 per month for both girls which i pay directly into her bank last day of every month. However during school hols i had girls for 2 weeks of august and one week of september - during which i took them on a two week hol to spain costing over £3000 (which we had saved up for for an enitre year!!) fed them the week before, & during the holiday and bought them lots of nice new clothes to go with. My plan was to give my ex £250 end of september for the 2 weeks of august and three weeks of september she had the girls however she wants the full £200 per month (£400 in total) for both months despite me having kids for half of one of the months and a week of the other!! I fel this is very greedy as i pay FOR my daughters and if i have them, feed & clothe them why would SHE still want the money intended for THEM?? Can anyone help..similar circs etc...?

AnxiousMum

Well, while you are very generous in buying extras for your daughters etc., there is still the cost of the housing for them, her rent doesn't decrease because the girls aren't there for a week or two.

It would've been sensible (in hindsight!) to have discussed this with the mother prior to just making this decision on your own - the money may have been needed for heating oil/gas etc., and counted on for something important like that which is also....for the girls.

The amount that CSA would require be paid would take into account the time that you had the girls etc., so if the amount you are paying is similar to the CSA calculation - then those amounts have really already been taken into account.

Don't take this the wrong way - but if you choose to take the girls on a holiday - that is your choice and therefore your cost. If you choose to buy them 'holiday clothing' to go away with, that again, is your choice. the items you purchased might not be needed/usable back here in the UK for regular wear.

Best to make any 'changes' to voluntary payments known to the other parent in advance and discuss it - it usually makes things alot smoother than assuming that your decision to alter the arrangement will be acceptable.

BTW - hope all is going okay for the daughter who chose to return to the mum due to the treatment towards her from the rest of the family....

shell_542

I can see why you feel the way you do. But agree it would have been advisable to discuss this with the Mother before doing it. You should get a reduction for the time the children are with you though. You would if it went through the CSA, although it would be worked out annually and spread over the year. You couldn't just not pay on certain weeks.

I think it's a bit cheeky expecting the full amount whenthe children were not there for quite a while.

The thing with private agreements though is, there are no rules. If you wanted to stick to your guns or maybe offer a slightly higher amount for the period as a compromise, her choice if she doesn't like it, is to go to the CsA. Then you both abide by their rules.

welshmoneylover

ajatuk wrote: »

fed them the week before, & during the holiday and bought them lots of nice new clothes to go with...?

Diddums :cool:

I also feed and clothe my kids as do many other parents, and I certainly wouldn't make a song and dance about it.

Grow up! Its part of being a parent and if you begrudge feeding and clothing your children then you need to step back a little.

Bellio

welshmoneylover wrote: »

Diddums :cool:

I also feed and clothe my kids as do many other parents, and I certainly wouldn't make a song and dance about it.

Grow up! Its part of being a parent and if you begrudge feeding and clothing your children then you need to step back a little.

I dont think he "Begrudges" paying for his children

ajatuk

welshmoneylover wrote: »

Diddums :cool:

I also feed and clothe my kids as do many other parents, and I certainly wouldn't make a song and dance about it.

Grow up! Its part of being a parent and if you begrudge feeding and clothing your children then you need to step back a little.

Comments like that really do not help....I look after both my daughters very well however draw the line at giving my ex money for them when they are WITH ME!! Should I ask her for rent/heating/food/clothes etc for the time they are with me if I should do likewise? For the record, when one of my daughters lived with me i DID NOT ask her for a penny, even though she tried through the CSA to get money for me for our other daughter living with her!!(they decided not to pursue the claim!!)

So basically in effect, I am expected to feed them etc while they are with me and then pay her for their food etc again twice over? Not very fair me thinks...and I assume welshmoneylover you are the RP?? And going by your name, you and my ex would be good friends!!! If I was a rich man I would not 'BEGRUDGE' as you say, paying TWICE for theior food and clothes hoever sadly am not a rich man and simply cannot afford to do so!! I do not begrudge anything nor did i when my daughter lived with us, however i pay money for MY CHILDREN not for her...she pays gas/ elec on a meter so if kids arent there they aint using it, or eating HER food and she lived in that house when my daughter lived with me-thats her choice!!! And furthermore, when my ex took kids to a recent family wedding THEY had to buy their own outifts and shoes....whilst she bought her own...so I do wonder where my money for my kids goes......

ajatuk

......forgot to say, had letter saturday from her saying she felt put out i had 'whittled HER money down' as she had bought kids clothes for hols (i didnt ask her to as i'd bought them clothes to go with) and she had given them spending money (as did I and again i did not ask her to do this) and felt i should re-imburse her for this....basically meaning I should pay for everything including the actual holiday which i pointed out.....Given the fact she has had two holidays abroad with her b/f in the last 4 years and on both occasions not taken the children, I think its very cheeky that i should be expected to pay for EVERYTHING on top of the cost of the hol and having the children!!!