Consumer Credit Counselling Service

smith10_2

Hi, I am a first time poster. I am ashamed and embarrassed to say I am in debt of around £20000 and need to do something about it quick! I have a mortgage and a pretty good lifestyle(you can tell this by the debt I have). I cannot speak to my family about this as they would be ashamed of me too. Having done the online check with CCCS they feel if my creditors agree to reduced payments then I could be debt free in 3 years which would be heaven and I feel of course by doing it this way I have to learn how to budget and would not get back in the same mess. But the hard bit will be not allowing my family(and most of my friends) to realise my change in lifestyle and reasons for it. For example my mum and dad regularly recommend 'just stick it on your card' because every month they clear it and earn points or whatever (they have never been in debt), but I will now not have any cards whatsoever, even just for something as small as cinema tickets. I also believe I wont be able to get any credit for years after the plan has finished? My question really is that while I know I have to do this does everyone agree it is the best way to do this and how have they dealt with the changes. I appreciate any advise/help thaks

lozzam

You should be really proud of yourself that you have faced up to your debt and want to so something about it. I started my DMP 5 years ago and have another 6 years until it is completed. Like you I lived a good lifestyle. I found that you just have to find a line something like 'not this month - tightening the belt - credit crunch doncha know'. You will be surprised how quickly your friends get used to it, and if you work hard on cutting back on your budget you can put enough by to still have treats.

smith10_2

thanks I have been fretting about this but just not bringing myself to do anything about it but have just come back from a short holiday(thanks to my credit card) and I realised I was thinking about it every minute, could not totally switch off and enjoy and that is no way to live. I am not a big earner but if I was not paying off so much to debt each month I would be able to still get a holiday etc. I have more questions which I know I will ask the CCCS before I enter into anything but from your post are you saying you are paying through them for 11 years, it seems a long time when they are saying to me 3 years?? Once you sign up to it and for example are given an actual total of in this example 3 years does it stay like that provided you keep making your payments? Do they write to my creditors for agreement or do I have to do this?

Hannah_10

Its a whole lifestyle shift and a new approach to everything that you end up with when the penny really drops abou getting debt free. You start to realise that "stuff" is just not worth it I'm sure Mummy and Daddy don't mean to be and that they love you to bits, but their advice isn't helpful. A bit like bad taste jokes you don't laugh at, no harm might have been meant but they struck the wrong target after firing.

Anyhow, you're a big boy/girl now. You don't need to pretend to be someone else do you? I think you'll find the people worth keeping round you wont be too fussed what you drive/do at the weekends/eat/wear. Anyone who was fussed was shallow.

saltnvinegar

Hi

Congratulations on facing up to your debt, you have taken a first big step and its a hard one to take

:T

First I know its hard but stop beating yourself up about this, you have no need to feel ashamed. You have fallen over one of lifes hurdles and the important thing is you have picked yourself up and are dealing with it.

Well done for looking at the CCCS. If you haven't done so already give them a call and get things in motion, it really will be a weight off your mind.

You say that the hard bit will be not allowing your friends/family to realise your change in lifestyle and the reason for it.

You've already sensibly realised that your current lifestyle cannot be maintained, your friends and family are going to notice you all of a sudden cutting back.

How much detail you go into is obviously up to you and only you know your family best and how they may react.

However if you are currently stressed/pressured etc your OH may have noticed this and is worried about you but doesn't know what is wrong and may be relieved it is only money (rather than him, your relationship etc).

Personally as for friends I have a rather blunt view on that. If they only remain your friends if you are able to maintain a certain lifestyle then they are no friends at all.

When I told my friends about my DMP the majority of them were incredibly supportive and some even opened up and admitted they were struggling too! We now do many DFW stuff as friends together!!

Those that have slowly drifted away? Well its a shame they take that view but I take it as their loss not mine.

As for changes? Well rather than going on expensive days out with the kids etc I do a lot more with them at home and spending more time with them as people which means we are closer as a family unit than ever before.

We actually save up for treats now and because it is something we have saved, looked forward to and feel we have earned even more we also enjoy those treats more than when they were just par for the course.

I'd also recommend posting a statement of affairs on this board too as the DFW's here will have some ideas on helping you save money too.

SnV

smith10_2

my mum and dad just have no idea the state I am in - they wont imagine that I have been using my card and not paying it off. I am sorry if it seems like I am being childish I was just trying to get across how I was feeling. Dont feel like I am trying to be someone else have just been enjoying a lifestyle I can't actually afford. My friends are true friends I don't doubt that and know they would be there for me but it is me that is embarrassed to admit my problem to them.

smith10_2

thanks saltnvinegar - I just wanted to hear from others with the same problems I suppose, I am feeling better already to be honest x

lozzam

smith10 wrote: »

thanks I have been fretting about this but just not bringing myself to do anything about it but have just come back from a short holiday(thanks to my credit card) and I realised I was thinking about it every minute, could not totally switch off and enjoy and that is no way to live. I am not a big earner but if I was not paying off so much to debt each month I would be able to still get a holiday etc. I have more questions which I know I will ask the CCCS before I enter into anything but from your post are you saying you are paying through them for 11 years, it seems a long time when they are saying to me 3 years?? Once you sign up to it and for example are given an actual total of in this example 3 years does it stay like that provided you keep making your payments? Do they write to my creditors for agreement or do I have to do this?

When I started with CCCS they calculated 13 years of debt - I think my debt was much bigger than yours. As I have cut back on spending and increased my salary my monthly payments have increased, so the time to pay all my debts is slowly going down.

CCCS will write to all your creditors, but they may still keep calling you. You can keep referring them back to CCCS, so it is a good story to tell.

smith10_2

thanks lozzam - just want to know that I have thought this all through fully but as I have said I know really this is the only option.

saltnvinegar

No problem, I'm really pleased to hear you're feeling better about this and no I don't think you are being childish at all.

The important thing is you've realised you cannot continue the way you are and are doing something about it.

Again I know its difficult but don't feel embarrassed about this. You have no need to.

While you keep it a 'dirty little secret' and let it stay that way it makes it so much more difficult to deal with effectively.

I've been there and still doing it so know how you feel. Of course we all deal with things in a different way but I found the whole debt 'taboo' was actually a hinderence to getting help and dealing with it.

It wasn't until I found this forum that I developed the confidence to tackle things. I just wish I had 18 months ago as I would only have half the debt I have now. Still 'c'est la vie'!

I hope that now you've found this forum too you'll get the support you need and you'll move from DFW to DF!

SnV

Deep_In_Debt

I'm with CCCS and have been since Jan 2008 and when I first started with them, it was calculated that it would take 9 years to clear my debt = 27k. Yikes!

2 years down the road and I;ve reduced that term to 3 years. It's been no easy ride but worth the scrimping and hassle in the end especially seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.