Help with access to H2B's kids

stacer1986

This is my first post on here so please bear with me with war & peace!My other half was seeing his children up until last july only when is ex decided (usually a few times a week) He was paying her cash in hand as maintenence. She has said that he cant see the kids anymore. (He wasn't even allowed to take them to the park without her permission!!)probably because he was giving her over £100 per week cash in hand and now CSA involved she only gets like £50! I have been round to her house (she lives with her parents, and 3 kids) and had a civilsed conversation with her and she said that she would txt me. (we changed his number because of abusive text's from her)This was back in may and still haven't hear anything! Bumped into her a few weeks ago and she said that she didnt have any free time at the mo but would do when the kids go back to school! (that was 5 weeks ago)He is named on the birth certificate but the kids were born before the parental rights thing came into scotland so im not sure where he wil stand! By himself he could get legal aid but with my wages we earn too much but not enough for a solicitor! I need some helpI dont know what to do anymore! i should probably take the attitude that they aint my kids so im not bothered but i think the kids are great and would love to be able to take them places and have them overnight etc!! I dont know what to do anymore, would we be better getting solicitors involved? We are getting married in 3 weeks and are trying for a baby!! I want his kids to be involved with our family and any kids we might have!Any advice would be appreciatedThanks

shell_542

stacer1986 wrote: »

This is my first post on here so please bear with me with war & peace!My other half was seeing his children up until last july only when is ex decided (usually a few times a week) He was paying her cash in hand as maintenence. She has said that he cant see the kids anymore. (He wasn't even allowed to take them to the park without her permission!!)probably because he was giving her over £100 per week cash in hand and now CSA involved she only gets like £50! I have been round to her house (she lives with her parents, and 3 kids) and had a civilsed conversation with her and she said that she would txt me. (we changed his number because of abusive text's from her)This was back in may and still haven't hear anything! Bumped into her a few weeks ago and she said that she didnt have any free time at the mo but would do when the kids go back to school! (that was 5 weeks ago)He is named on the birth certificate but the kids were born before the parental rights thing came into scotland so im not sure where he wil stand! By himself he could get legal aid but with my wages we earn too much but not enough for a solicitor! I need some helpI dont know what to do anymore! i should probably take the attitude that they aint my kids so im not bothered but i think the kids are great and would love to be able to take them places and have them overnight etc!! I dont know what to do anymore, would we be better getting solicitors involved? We are getting married in 3 weeks and are trying for a baby!! I want his kids to be involved with our family and any kids we might have!Any advice would be appreciatedThanks

Solicitors will be expensive.

Personally, I would join families need fathers and apply for a parental responsibility and contact order through the courts with your partner representing himself. FNF can help him find a McKenzie(sp?) friend who can attend with him for support and advice.

He can do everything himself with no solicitor. Applying for the orders would cost £170 and then he would attend court. Contact would start gradually again and will depend on how obstructive his ex is going to be.

He could also write to her first, recorded delivery, keeping copies ... asking her to attend mediation to sort out the contact issue. If it can be sorted in mediation, good, although he might still need an order written up if she doesn't stick to aggreements ... but if she refuses mediation, that will go against her in court.

Good luck.

stacer1986

We have tried to get her to sign the parental responsibilty forms and she refuses "they are my children" is all we get from her.Im pretty sure that she didn't conceive them by herself and if so, paying the CSA is a massive mistake. To make matters worse, they all live about 500 yards away from us!I might try writing to her but i dont think this will do much good. Becuase she has the children all the time it is her right to decide when & if he gets to see them. Thanks

shell_542

stacer1986 wrote: »

We have tried to get her to sign the parental responsibilty forms and she refuses "they are my children" is all we get from her.Im pretty sure that she didn't conceive them by herself and if so, paying the CSA is a massive mistake. To make matters worse, they all live about 500 yards away from us!I might try writing to her but i dont think this will do much good. Becuase she has the children all the time it is her right to decide when & if he gets to see them. Thanks

RE: parental responsibility. If she refuses, she will have to give VERY good reasons as to why he shouldn't gain it to the courts. Unless there has been a history of abuse etc, then it will be very, very unlikely that the courts wont award PR to him anyway, even if the PWC refuses.

RE: "because she has the children all the time it is her right to decide when and if he gets to see them" - that is incorrect. She can make it difficult but it's not her choice. The children have a right to a relationship with BOTH of their parents. If he applies to the courts, again, unless there is a history of abuse/domestic violence etc, then he will most probably get some contact, whether direct or indirect (telephone/letters).

But the courts will (or should I say, should) put her in her place and inform her that she must facilitate contact for the children.

She may surprise you and become amicable once the courts are involved.

She may go the other way and become more obstructive. Beware of the possibility of false accusations of abuse/domestic violence. This is increasingly being used as a weapon to obstruct contact. Make sure he keeps a record of all communication between them. Try and do it all in writing/email etc. Any communication face to face he should record. It will be useful in the future if she continues to be awkward.

FNF are very good at helping parents who are having problems with contact being obstructed.

gratefulforhelp_2

From another perspective, I would say that this is between your husband to be and his ex.

I would be very wary of getting involved on your own behalf, and I would think about whether you really want to be potentially involved in going to court when pregnant, as may happen?

stacer1986

Thanks v much for your comments & suggestions. I know that it's not really my place to be getting involved but it is breaking my heart seeing my H2B going through this!

I think i will look into seeing how much all this will actually cost going through the courts.

Thanks again