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nath06

I was wondering if anybody could give us some advice. My husbank seperated from his wife 16 years ago they have had a court order in place since 1996 which states that he has to pay maintenance for the child up to the age of 18 if he is still living at home or until such time as he is able to earn his own livliehood whichever was earlier.

Unfortunatley the ex is very much money driven and access has been a nightmare it started out as 2 hours per fortnight and we have been back to solicitors numerous times to fight for more this was all ok until about 6 years ago when the child wrote a letter one day and said that he hated us and never wanted to see us again after spending the weeken with us and his grandparents.

Telephone conversations to her and him failed to answer why he had done this so we told him the door was always open anytime he knew our phone number where we livedd etc.

She remarried 11 years ago and to say that her new husband pulls her strings is an understatement, we would go round with birthday and christmas cards and he would put them in the bin, buy presents only for the child to say his stepdad had broken them this went on and on and on, we have since had 2 children and the time came reluctantly to say enough was enough we spoke to her and the child and made it clear whenever he was ready the door was always open.

So since then we haven't seen him, he has walked past us and his grandparents on the street we have always acknowledged him.

When he turned 16 in january my husband stopped maintenance, she phoned and assured us he was as college although he did have a part time job my husband offered to pay the money direct to the child but this was refused by the child and his mother so we carried on paying every month.

Then in August we stopped payment again, she came on the phone again assuring us that he was returning to college and she would tell us if he got a job, lo and behold 2 days after the money was paid it emerged that he had indeed left college and does indeed have a full time job.

Money stopped again at the beginning of this month and to say the past few days have been nothing but non stop abuse we only asked her if he was working to which she confirmed he was but the messages left on the phone and txt are quite disturbing. Is my husband in the right stopping payment as he said if he child had agreed to take the money he would have continued paying and if she had been more truthful and agreeable all these years he prob would have paid till he was 18 but as one of her friends tellingly said to us she just wants the money but doesn't want my husbank to have contact.

Duncombe

OP - it might encourage people to try and answer any questions if you use paragraphs and punctuation. Reading your essay seems abit daunting....

DX2

nath06 wrote: »

I was wondering if anybody could give us some advice. My husbank seperated from his wife 16 years ago they have had a court order in place since 1996 which states that he has to pay maintenance for the child up to the age of 18 if he is still living at home or until such time as he is able to earn his own livliehood whichever was earlier.


When he turned 16 in january my husband stopped maintenance, she phoned and assured us he was as college although he did have a part time job my husband offered to pay the money direct to the child but this was refused by the child and his mother so we carried on paying every month.

Then in August we stopped payment again, she came on the phone again assuring us that he was returning to college and she would tell us if he got a job, lo and behold 2 days after the money was paid it emerged that he had indeed left college and does indeed have a full time job.

Money stopped again at the beginning of this month.
Is my husband in the right stopping payment

I have snipped your post as all the other info is not relevant.
If CB is still in payment he needs to continue to pay child support, if no CB is in payment then he should stop.

Phone the CB office and ask if CB is still being paid.

[Deleted User]

if indeed the "child" has left full time education for full time work then maintenance can stop,and imho in this case it not only can but should.

AnxiousMum

If the child has started full time employment, the 'child' has made a decision to become an adult, independent of financial assistance from his parents. I'll bet that his mum/step dad are charging him room and board - verifying that they too believe he should be financially dependent if working full time.

As the order states that maintenance should be paid until age 18 OR he is able to earn his own livelihood - well, if he's working full time, he's earning his livelihood isn't it? His livelihood may not be paid very well.....but if it's full time, that's the livelihood he has chosen.

McKneff

If your OH had been giving the money directly to the child this would not have counted as maintenance.

Maintenance is paid to the mother to maintain her/their child.

Giving it to the child would have been pocket money and the mother could argue that she got no maintenance and your OH could have been thousands of pounds in arrears so its just as well he didnt go down that road.

Ignore the insults, you have done the right thing in stopping the payments.

If he is working full time, its time he started paying his way and paying his mother for bed and board, instead of you.

missbunbury

I would be quite careful with this, since there is an old court order in place. Take your copy of the order to get some legal advice, otherwise you could end up with bailiffs at the door. As others have said, the child remains a child generally for as long as child benefit is in payment, which should stop if the child picks up a full time PAYE job, but the 16-19 age group is a tricky one and I would want to be damn sure I wasn't breaking the court order if I were you, since the mum is clearly the type who is going to be pushy.

alwaysonthego_2

Will move this to the CSA board.

nath06

we are going to the Solicitor tomorrow they said they were going to get the Sherriff officers onto us but since the maintenance is paid in advance don't think she can at the moment.

We have still had the past two days horrendous txt messages we have just ignored them showing them to the Solicitor tomorrow she has been into my work and grandparents work telling colleagues what we are like if they only knew the proper truth no point retaliating they are just trying to bully us now it is my 2 kids i am worried for wouldn't put it past them to put a brick through the window if we are in the right.