Child maintenance

Scarlett1

catbash you can take your ex to the csa for payment, maintenance is from an absent parent, it doesnt matter whether they are male or female

perservere with the csa, but I dont know how it will stand if you are a student and getting other money :rolleyes:

when you are working full time I dont think it would be worth you or your ex taking each other to the csa as you both have a child to provide for at home

sunflower_2

Fran wrote:

Have you got a Residency Order from the court? Why not keep a record of exactly how many nights you have the kids and how many he does? They can't invent joint custody if it doesn't happen like that. Why not get a Citizens Advice person to help you with this?

nope there is no residency order.

i have tried CAB and my MP - but the CSA refuse to back down on this

for 3 years i have noted in my diary the days that our son stays with his dad.
the CSA asked me to send these as proof which i did
one was the original diary which they said i had to send
and i sent photocopies of the current year's diary
only they lost them !!!

funny that - when the bloke later mentioned something that he could have only got from my original diary
when i questioned how he knew where i was on a particular date - he said i had told him ! i said it wasnt something i would say in passing conversation (it was something very personal) !

as i still had my years diary, i was able to send further copies of this, it was for about 9 months.
the CSA received these, sent my recorded delivery!

they had also asked my ex to send in his diaries - which he did, but about a week after mine. (when i told him i had sent mine he said "right well i will be sending in mine also).
my ex is not the type to keep a diary !!!! infact it makes me laugh...

anyway, they rang me and said there was definitely "conflicting information" on the diaries.
i said that means nothing, just proves what a liar my ex was!
i even sent them a copy of his shift patterns as they would surely trip him up - afterall he cant be at work and have our son at the same time!

however... am getting annoyed just thinking about it all again... they said that there was conflicting information so whoever sent the diaries first would get the benefit of the doubt

so guess whose diaries they claim to have received first???

SPOT ON !!

i dont care what anyone says - my ex had someone who he knew at the CSA sorting all of this out for him.

too many ridiculous things happened in his favour for it to be a coincidence.
even my MP couldnt get it sorted, they just stuck to their guns saying:

"the absent parent sent the required information first, and the assessment was calculated on these facts.
the assessment cannot be changed without hard evidence of a change in circumstances"

as my information conflicted what info they already had - they wouldnt change it !

they are a joke!

:mad:

catbash

Scarlett1 wrote:

catbash you can take your ex to the csa for payment, maintenance is from an absent parent, it doesnt matter whether they are male or female

perservere with the csa, but I dont know how it will stand if you are a student and getting other money :rolleyes:

when you are working full time I dont think it would be worth you or your ex taking each other to the csa as you both have a child to provide for at home

thanx scarlett,feel a bit better for that info.

Scarlett1

catbash wrote:

thanx scarlett,feel a bit better for that info.

aw thats ok, I have gone through the csa with my ex so know a slight little bit about them

but I wont mention how long it took to get the arrears of 7 months worth of £10 per week premiums that they owed me because of their computer system :rolleyes:

zeryx

Good luck with maintenance. I wish you all the luck in the world as I know exactly how draining it can be.

I went through years of upheaval and upset over maintenance. The court gave me £250 a month for the two children. He refused to pay. As he was in the armed forces they deducted it from his pay. He left the armed forces and refused to pay. I had to go to court over this - he didn't turn up, he was arrested and taken to court, he told a load of lies, I disproved them - even providing evidence, he didn't turn up at court again, they again arrested him and took him, he produced absolute rubbish.

Anyhow, the CSA were brought in by me, they wrote to someone that the tax office said he was employed by, the employer said he didn't work for them, the CSA then told me I had to provide them with information if I wanted them to push this further and were closing the case. Despite many many phone calls to them they wouldn't do anything as they 'couldn't get any details on him'.

Basically what he did was start a 'Ltd company' employing himself and his new wife, he paid himself just £250 a month and her everything else!! I produced further evidence, but he disappeared. A national warrent was put out for his arrest, he wasn't found, believed to be in Belfast by then.

After 10 years of depression and heartache (as well as financial hardship) I got an anonymous letter (I later found out was from his now ex-wife) telling us he was dying of cancer.

The upshot of this was that I never got the maintenance, he died and she cashed in some insurance policy - despite the fact the two children are his only children. So he died a sad and lonely drunk, she got everything and we got nothing.

catbash

God i really feel for you,obviously he was a selfish person.Sounds just like my ex-wife..I hope that the future brings you a lot more of happiness and remember that not all men are like this...

Sarahsaver

What do you do when they walk out of a job like my ex did, so they dont have 2 support their kids and can get legal aid to try and get you to sell the house.? Hes been living off something since november...???

Fran

Sunflower,

That business about the diaries sounds ridiculous. Why not try again with a different MP or CAB again but different advisor? Are the Benefits Advisors at your CAB able to follow this sort of case? There must be a way of getting it sorted out properly... ex's can cause so much trouble....:mad:

Tinkerbel_2

Sarahsaver wrote:

What do you do when they walk out of a job like my ex did, so they dont have 2 support their kids and can get legal aid to try and get you to sell the house.? Hes been living off something since november...???

My Ex managed to get £35,000 out of our divorce settlement. 'Spent' it, walked out of his job and now pays me £5 per week for two children. Somehow he manages to support his new g/f his mazda MX6 and his addiction to designer clothes and holidays abroad on the rest of his JSA.

I in the meantime have 2 infant children, no job, a mortgage (on a rate much higher than that used by the dss) and no life!!

BUT.......as has been said before what goes around comes around.......he only missed the Tsunami by 2 weeks and theres still time for skin cancer...cruel tho it may sound some people diserve misfortune.
It is also true that at least I dont have to rely on him for anything. Only a shame the kids have to learn the hard way.

chin up. There are just as many of us as there are of them.

sunflower_2

Fran wrote:

Sunflower,

That business about the diaries sounds ridiculous. Why not try again with a different MP or CAB again but different advisor? Are the Benefits Advisors at your CAB able to follow this sort of case? There must be a way of getting it sorted out properly... ex's can cause so much trouble....:mad:

believe me - i cried with sheer frustration!
i never slept for weeks because of it all
am glad that you can see how stupid it all sounds

the thing is Fran, i dont know if i could face going through it all again.

and even though i get no financial support - he helps with the odd coat/shoes when i "beg"
& we are just getting back onto good terms

i was thinking i could maybe bring the subject up once we got "friendlier" - to see if could work something out between ourselves...

at the end of the day he knows himself we dont have joint custody!!
one day i will do it...