Help

monkeychops

Okay, probably not the right place to post this but when I posted here before (May 2006) I got such helpful replies I thought I would ask your advice again.

Basically when I posted before I said myself and OH were having trouble just with everyday living and expenses as neither of us earned much and I was very depressed about the situation.

Since then things have started to improve and I have been happier but now things are going pear shaped. OH started a new job which pays more and he loves it so great BUT his old boss, who did not want him to leave, has now decided to be funny and has gone to the police making allegations about him stealing tools and equipment. All totally untrue but obviously the police have to investigate this. OH was arrested last week and then released on bail and has to go to the police station next week. Basically it is his word against his boss but I am worried sick about it (I am a big worrier!).

I also have started a new job. It is in a small cafe and I really was over the moon when I got it because I thought I would love it. The hours could not be better (they actually gave me the exact hours I asked for) and the money is better than I was getting but I do not like it. To be honest I am not even sure why I don't like it and yes I know it is early days but I am making myself ill with worry about the job and OH. I can't seem to think of anything else, can't sleep at night, feel sick almost all the time, keep crying (not at work) and feel like I am going mad. There is so much to learn at work and I feel so old and useless and stupid. I know that all the staff were new once and probably as slow as me but that just does not help. I feel totally worthless. I have never been a confident person but I seem to have got worse. I am now in my 50's and I look at the staff (some of them only 17 and 18) and they all seem so confident and at ease at work. I know I am not stupid - I used to have a very well paid demanding job.

I am looking for another job but I cannot afford not to work. I don't know whether to go to the doctor to get some help (probably some anti depressents) although I do not really want to take medication. Also when I have taken anti depressents before (quite a number of years ago) they either made me sick to start with or walk around like a zombie so I am not sure I would be capable of carrying on my job like that. I know there is a good chance the doctor would sign me off sick and to be honest I would like that but obviously the cafe would not be happy as I have only been there 3 weeks and, as I say, they actually gave me the hours and days I asked for. If I were signed off what would the position be with regard to sick pay? I think they pay it for so long but even if I only got statutory sick pay how long would it go on for?

It could take me ages to find another job (due to other commitments I cannot work mornings) and I just don't know what to do. It could be that medication would make be feel better about myself and I might actually start enjoying my job. My head is going round and round. I do not want a job that I dread going to (and at the moment I do) and which is stressing me out for £5.50 an hour!

Please any advice would be gratefully received. What would you do in my position?

skintchick

Oh big hugs! (((hugs)))

I think you should stick with the job. You said you were over the moon when you got it so the thing that's changed is your poor hubby's situation.

THAT is what's stressing you out.

THe job will be fine. Teenagers do seem very confident these days, but it's possible to act confident even if you don;t feel it, and as you settle into the job you'll enjoy it more. Don;t pack it in.

Maybe see your GP and ask for some mild tablets for anxiety - on a mild dose you don;t necessarily feel the side effects as badly as you have in the past. SPeak to your GP about your worries and they can make sure you get the right tablets.

THe thing with your hubby is the hardest. Clearly there's nothing you can do right now till th epolice decide what to do. He hasn;t been charged so in all likelihood he won;t be. I know it's hard with all this hanging over you but you have to try and take each day as it comes.

If he is charged, it will take months to go to court, so worrying isn;t going to help.

Please see your GP, and maybe try calling Samaritans when it gets too much - you can vent off and be listened to anonymously. I have found it a great help in the past.

Only you can decide what to do, but if it were me I'd stick at the job. Having something to do will help keep you sane, if nothing else, and they obviously value you or they wouldn;t have given you exactly what you wanted.

Goldielocks

Hello there,

Just read your post, made me feel a bit sad. Sad that a mature and experienced lady, who is obviously intelligent and articulate - is feeling so worthless. You are not old, stupid or useless!

Why not get down to the Docs anyway and see what he/she can offer you in the way of help? Can't hurt to try - things have moved on in recent years and if you took ADs a while ago - perhaps they have improved since then. I was on a short course of them recently and they were fine - just gave me that extra bit of 'pep' I needed to get going. Like you say, if you feel a bit more 'perky' about yourself, you may start to enjoy your job more.

Don't worry about your OH's ex boss making up malicious allegations. The police are not stupid, they will find out the facts and hopefully it will be the ex-boss who gets 'done' for wasting police time hahaha!

Chin up.

G

Mrs_pbradley936

Hello and cheer up,

Don't be too hasty to pack the job in - you said they gave you just the hours you wanted. I'm sure it will be better to be with people at work than home by yourself and skint. You have a lot on your plate so perhaps a trip to the GP is in order but s/he has not got a magic wand. Although the pills they give these days i.e. Prozac are supposed to be better than the old type. I have never taken anything but people that have say so. You might also be a candidate for HRT. Anyway I hope you feel better soon and come back and let us know how you are getting on.

teapot2

Hi Monkeychops,

sorry to hear things are so rough, if you are not keen on medication have you thought about counselling? This may be available free through your GP or there may be a local free/low cost counselling service. You could look on the British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy website where there is a way to search in your area. Don't be put off by the ones that charge, there are often free ones around as well. It can really help to have someone to talk to and counsellors aim to be accepting and non-judgemental etc.

As it happens I took on a second job in a cafe in April cos I needed to try and get debt reduced [am also in my 50s]. I found it tough going, its hard work physically and theres lots to learn and remember but I did do it [made mistakes too and couldn't get the cappucino milk to froth sometimes and lost orders etc etc....] There was a real mix of ages working there and guess what - the owner now has largely older staff working there as some of the youngsters were unrelaible, slow and needed reminding all the time about what was to be done ie clear an empty table don't walk passed it. So don't despair it will come in time and you'll feel more confident and its great they gave you the hours you wanted - mine have been cut cause of winter opening hours so I may have to look for something else

Yuor OH's ex-boss sounds well dodgy and its horrible and frightening to be arrested but hopefully the police will see through his stunt - might be a good idea to keep a record of any contact with him etc and at this stage jot everything down that might be relevant as you'll both forget as time goes on. Did he do a reference for your OH?

Good luck
Teapot