Please help! Line manager thinks I'm having a breakdown!

Ahiru

I've posted on here several times before, but I've had to register under a different name in case my work colleagues are on here too.

Some background - I've been at this office for about 4 years now, and act very different in work then I do with friends out of work (as I suspect most people do!). Normally I have a very dark sense of humor and if I'm feeling angry about something I will say it, whilst in work I have been keeping up this helpful, cheerfully, carefree image because a lot of the work is dealing with the public. I have a new sub-manager who started a few months ago and he has been really getting on my nerves. Instead of focusing on the work he has been ignoring the urgent projects and deadlines for things and spending the time instead on trivial matters that show immediate change (ie cleaning the files or tidying everyone's desks and wiping the cupboards), which of course looks great, but doesn't really help with the overdue projects that need to be finished.

I had my appraisal meeting last week and it was on a really bad day for me - much worse then normal. It started off with the sub-manager making a big fuss at me as I walked in the door, coat still on, about a mistake I made which was something that could be easily corrected and due to the type of error, was something that would have happened to anyone who picked up that piece of work. I then had another person pull me up in front of everyone to ask why I hadn't finished a piece of work my boss asked me to pass to them the day before (I didn't have time as I had to complete other urgent papers when I wasn't getting help from the Sub-manager), and after that I had to work from two different booths as I was covering another persons work as well.

My sub-manager then called me up for a surprise appraisal meeting when I was really behind and in the meeting began telling me that I wasn't paying attention to work and started on again about the mistake from earlier. I was so annoyed by this point that my eyes started to well up and I cried a little. He then started asking what was going on in my home life and started to give me what I felt was really condescending advice on my life! Which didn't really help at all! :mad:

When we got back, he reported it to another manager who came to speak to me and I tried to explain the situation, but they didn't really listen (as they had already heard it all from him) and kept telling me that this wasn't like me at all and there must be something wrong with me! I slipped into my actual personality and said that I was angry about my appraisal and they responded by saying that I never say things like that and that they would be speaking to my building manager about referring me to occupational health! They made it clear that they were doing this no matter my views on the matter! :mad:

So what do I do now? I get good days and bad days like anyone else, and I think if I feel I'm not happy with something, I should have the right to say something and be angry about it rather then being referred to an in-house health team because some idiot thinks I'm loosing it!

No-one's going to believe me if I say "well, actually, this is how I normally am, it may come as a shock to you that I'm not constantly happy and sometimes would like to get away from people and think everyone should do their fair share of work"! I am a bit stressed, but mainly because of the sub-manager and none of the other managers will believe this because all they see are the nice clean booths and tidy files and automatically think he's working hardest!

Should I refuse the health assessment, but then that will allow them to draw their own conclusions, or go along and tell them I was having a bad day and it's down to overwork?

Please help!

tizerbelle

Sorry shouldn't laugh - but we could be twins!

If the building manager says an assessment is required and who's to say they will - do they know you any better? then go to the health assessment, ensure you explain the pressures you are under at work (on a "normal" day) and why - i.e. no assistance with prioritising work, the team focussing on quick wins rather than major deadlines etc and then explain why you reverted to your "dark" side on the day of the appraisal. At best, the OH nurse will identify the beginnings of workplace stress and make recommendations to the management team that something needs to be done to sort things. At worst, you have done what they wanted.

dropscone

Your sub manager sounds like they're trying too hard to 'manage'. Do your company not have guidelines on having notice before being required to have an appraissal? If you haven't already done so, and there is such a thing, read the employee code to see if they're meant to give you notice - at my place I think it's a week, and in practice usually a bit longer, so you have a chance to prepare and think of things you might want to say to them, rather than it being a one way street.

SarEl

Refusing an assessmnent would be foolish. If you do then, as you said, they can draw their own conclusions. Wouldn't it be better to talk to someone else about what happened and set the record straight? It may seen rather OTT to you, but actually they are doing something rather exemplary for an employer. They are worried that you have acted abruptly and "out of character" - and instead of immediately going to the polcies to see if this is a disciplinary matter, they have decided to get OH to make sure that you are all right. It may not feel like it now, but I can think of a lot of employees who would be grateful for OH rather than an alternative. Everyone has bad days, yes. But you don't want to be judged on the basis of one of yours, do you? OH aren't "the enemy" - just go along, have a chat, explain why you were acting in this way - you never know, it might help!

Ahiru

Thanks for the suggestions - I suppose it will be better to go along with the OH assessment, stay in my "work-mode" and tell them I was just having a bad day and it's down to overwork. I still think this whole situation is completely ridiculous! If they think I've suddenly gone psycho just from this, it's a good job they can't see what goes on in my mind everyday I'm working there or they'd probably lock me up! Some days I'm very proud of myself with the thoughts and comments I manage to stop from slipping out - that could be why I smile so much at work now I come to think of it....

As for the advanced warning for an appraisal meeting, I haven't heard that there was one. They are supposed to take place every month, but this rarely happens. I'll have a look at the procedures to see how much advance notice I'm supposed to get so I'll be prepared next time.

laurz121

Why don't you just be yourself instead of acting every day and pretending to be someone that you're not? It causes nothing but trouble, will make people think you're two faced and causes problems like the one you are experiencing when the real you slips out.

dollydiva

laurz121 wrote: »

Why don't you just be yourself instead of acting every day and pretending to be someone that you're not? It causes nothing but trouble, will make people think you're two faced and causes problems like the one you are experiencing when the real you slips out.

Laurz is right: I work in the same kind of enviromnent where its with the Public and have an 'upbeat' face to them - but when with colleagues, feel confident enough to be 'real' with them...do you perhaps feel that you can't be 'real' with other colleagues? That's not necessarily YOUR problem!:rotfl:

eamon

It can be alarming to find that your line manager is an "incompetent fool". It does take great patience and mental strength to avoid saying so out loud.
For the sake of your sanity play the game.