High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

BoGoF

When this was first posted I thought this was a wind up but I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt.

You aren't going to get the loan you need so the only other way to get by is to make some serious cutbacks. There are families of 4 who could survive on half of what you're spending on food. I think most working people can get buy on making sandwiches taking own coffee, sugar etc, why can't you ?

Likewise clothes, that could almost be an annual spend for some people.

debthelp100830

MyRubyRed wrote: »

OP looking at your SOA I do think you have massive scope to reduce your outgoings. You are living outwith of your means and you need to get a handle on this as a priority. Ive commented below against the areas you could review

Electricity............................. 80 (look at changing supplier?)/ this is partly missing a cpl of payments- real number is around 55-60/mth may be
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 44(opt for Freeview): possible, though this helps make entertainment expenses to 0. cant take my wife, kids out every weekend so atleast my kid can watch some cartoons and my wife some random soaps, etc.
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 900 (this is way over the top to feed three)/ please see explanation in other thread. not disagreeing and thanks much for analysing - but yes, may be can save upto 100 here

Clothing................................ 300 (also way over the top)/please see explanation in other thread. but a single top can cost £20-25 and occasional kid's friend bday could mean £15-20 not counting various non-food grocery expenses which are all included
Petrol/diesel........................... 0
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 150 (what is this made up of?)/ this includes tube pass for me which is 100 straight and 50 for my wife and kid's travel
Haircuts................................ 30 (again way over the top)/ £12 for me, £5 for my daughter and say £25 every 2 mths for my wife
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 4519

gizmo111

Does your wife work? There is no income included for her or benefits for the child, just a huge nursery fee.

debthelp100830

sorry bogof, i am in a complete sinkhole here, so dont know why it appears wind up. my marriage seems to be matter of weeks for last 3-4 mths, my parents hate me and my colleagues dont know about the situation- else will lose my job too. its a complete disaster i have put myself into. i need help but was so hesitant to put this up for getting ridiculed.
i dont disagree that i can perhaps live at 1/5the cost and thats what i used to do when i was single. since marriage, my expenses have not doubled, but are more like 5-6 times. as a single person, i can live for £1000/mth with same lifestyle but thats a decision i want to take. getting into divorce kind of situation is not the thing i want with all other stress, so i tried to get out of it by payday kind of grip around my neck. if a bank had given me, gives me a loan for say 1 year- so that i reduce my debt outgoings, i can save my marriage, live with my kid who is my life and move on. i am sure, in 6 mths when my mind is able to cope with things better- i can put my foot down and cut back say on childcare, clothes, food, even rent and 3 of us can live the same life for say £1000/mth cheaper but now is not the time to rock that boat. in summary, i am trying to deal with it without affecting the lifestyle of my wife and kid, which i agree with other formuties, that its not acceptable but lets say i have no choice on that aspect for next 6 mths or so. i can work on it once am able to stand on my foot better, i want to avoid any family trouble now as then am completely dead

OneHubbyOneSon4Debts

debthelp100830 wrote: »

sorry bogof, i am in a complete sinkhole here, so dont know why it appears wind up. my marriage seems to be matter of weeks for last 3-4 mths, my parents hate me and my colleagues dont know about the situation- else will lose my job too. its a complete disaster i have put myself into. i need help but was so hesitant to put this up for getting ridiculed.
i dont disagree that i can perhaps live at 1/5the cost and thats what i used to do when i was single. since marriage, my expenses have not doubled, but are more like 5-6 times. as a single person, i can live for £1000/mth with same lifestyle but thats a decision i want to take. getting into divorce kind of situation is not the thing i want with all other stress, so i tried to get out of it by payday kind of grip around my neck. if a bank had given me, gives me a loan for say 1 year- so that i reduce my debt outgoings, i can save my marriage, live with my kid who is my life and move on. i am sure, in 6 mths when my mind is able to cope with things better- i can put my foot down and cut back say on childcare, clothes, food, even rent and 3 of us can live the same life for say £1000/mth cheaper but now is not the time to rock that boat. in summary, i am trying to deal with it without affecting the lifestyle of my wife and kid, which i agree with other formuties, that its not acceptable but lets say i have no choice on that aspect for next 6 mths or so. i can work on it once am able to stand on my foot better, i want to avoid any family trouble now as then am completely dead

Sorry but three words spring to mind here.....CAKE and EATING IT!

BoGoF

Seriously, you need to put your foot down now or the vicious circle will just keep going. Worst case scenario is bankruptcy and losing your job, will your wife hang around then?

Bottom line is you and your family have to change the way you are living, I cannot see any mainstream lender giving you any money.

debthelp100830

my wife is "looking" for job- for a few mths now. sorry, dont want to reduce this thread to !!!!!ing about my marriage. lets just accept that the expenses are a given if i need to save my marriage for next 6 mths. i have no mental stamina or time to fight that battle for the moment. i feel utterly depressed by lack of any sort of help from my family- so thanks for ridiculing me and calling it a wind up.

sorry guys, i just put the reality on thinking someone can help-

somethingcorporate

debthelp100830 wrote: »

i am trying to deal with it without affecting the lifestyle of my wife and kid

And therein lies the problem, whilst that is an admiral principle in reality if you don't change things, how can things ever change?

sulkisu

debthelp100830 wrote: »

also food and clothes is basically sum total of all sundry expenses for 3 people household including a child. thats why put 0 against other things like eating out, entertainment etc. 900/30 =30 per day. it costs me around £8-9 to buy breakfast, lunch, coffee etc work and rest around £10-11 per day is for our dinner, and my partner's daytime meals. remaining £10 per day is for all other expenses including occasional family eat out. similar clothes cover all sort of things like clothes, shoes, toys, gifts, washing, cleaning, etc etc.. have used it as £10 per day basis

Well done for posting. However, the point of posting your SOA is to identify ways of reducing your spending, not to justify why you spend what you do. Spending £900 a month on meals, clothes etc is excessive and unecessary. Eat breakfast at home, and take a packed lunch to work. Make your own coffee - far cheaper than buying it. Your partner can do the same.
Also, as there is no income for your partner, does this mean that she is a SAHM? I just wondered because you have listed nursery fees and daytime meals for your partner.
You don't need to buy new clothes, toys, shoes or gifts every month (or even every other month). I'm not sure what you mean by washing and cleaning, but sticking clothes in a washing machine is not that expensive and dry cleaning costs need not be that expensive - unless you are dry cleaning everything that you wear, every time that you wear it.
At the end of the day, it is entirely up to you how you spend your money. You can either take some simple steps to reduce your spending and putting that excess towards clearing your debt, or continue spending as you are and go down the route of finding a loan to bail you out of the situation that you are in, which has so far been unsuccessful.

Cutting back and economising need not be forever, just long enough to give you some breathing space. Good luck anyway.

BoGoF

debthelp100830 wrote: »

my wife is "looking" for job- for a few mths now. sorry, dont want to reduce this thread to !!!!!ing about my marriage. lets just accept that the expenses are a given if i need to save my marriage for next 6 mths. i have no mental stamina or time to fight that battle for the moment. i feel utterly depressed by lack of any sort of help from my family- so thanks for ridiculing me and calling it a wind up.

sorry guys, i just put the reality on thinking someone can help-

Only you can help yourself. Sorry nobody's given you the news you want to hear - that it's the banks fault.