Need to vent..

laura2481

... was speaking to my mum today and she said she may not be coming with me at the weekend to pick my wedding dress because the cat has a bad leg. There is some important information you need to know to understand why I am so annoyed

1. I saw this dress as the end of July when I was with my mother-in-law-2be, at my H2be's home town (1.5hr train journey away from home.) I know I like it but wanted my mum and bridesmaid with me before making final decision.
2. My mum got upset because she wasn't with me when I found 'the one'. Even cried a little bit. I explained it wasn't important who 'saw it first' just that I found one I liked and besides- I wanted her there for the final decision.
3. Booked an appointment 5 weeks in future to go back and see dress as that was only time both mum + bridesmaid where able to go and I could get time off work (I work weekends)
4. THE CAT IS NOT EVEN THEIR BLOODY CAT!!! It, in fact, belongs to a lady who lives across the road. Why can't the cat's actual owner take him to the vet, if required, and look after him?!?!

So- after all that being upset and 5 weeks bloody planning in advance she might not come because someone elses cat is ill. Great. Well, I'm not rearranging. If she won't come then I will make my decision with my bridesmaid and mother-in-law-2be.

And breathe...

Emma1988

Awww! Big hug. Did you post about your mum being upset with you a few weeks ago? If so i remember you! You have been more than reasonable, this is special mother and daughter time and if she doesn't want to be apart of it then she can't make you feel bad, you have given her five weeks! Talk to her, tell her the situation and then if she doesn't want to go or asks your to rearrange, then just go with your bridesmaid. Hope she sees sense.

laura2481

Aww, thanks for the hug
It wasn't me that posted a few weeks ago. I must not be the only one suffering maternal created stress! :rotfl:

missknixon

Mum's are so easily upset in the lead up to a wedding! I would let her know that you are still going this weekend and would really appreciate some time with her and your bridesmaids. Tell her you will try some other dresses on for her - to see what she thinks but really believe you have found the one - even go as far as saying you would probably have spotted it in a window somewhere. Value her opinion and don't tell her you won't even contemplate something else.

Hope she sees sense though!

hunnycat

I took MIL2b with me for my dress shopping as felt my mum was not bothered and when i showed my mum my dress online she said she didnt like it!
Ever since i have had dress worries and really upset. I had it out with my mum and she said it was because she felt she should have been with me. So basically because she was jealous i am now having major doubts!! i can really sympathise with you!! .x.x.

LegalBlonde

i don't want to come across as holier than thou believe me OP at times i am having EXACTLY the same issues with my mum and get so wound up by the tiniest thing in all this wedding planning............but i was just on the relationships board and there was a long thread about a girl's mum wanting to borrow her wedding dress, and everyone's opinions on what she should and should not say, then one woman came on and said her mum was dead and she would walk over hot coals to have the chance to give her a wedding dress....sometimes we need to step back and realise how lucky we are x

frannyann

Sometimes we can love our relatives, but not like them very much!
She is being very insensitive and just doesn't realise it!!
I upset my Mum, by finding my dress (by accident, just spottted it and bought it!) a week before we were both supposed to go dress shopping as a girlie day out. Although my Mum tried to be pleased for me, I could tell she was really upset. So now we are having to go girlie shopping for her outfit. Maybe mum feels a little left out and therefore is not seeing that her involvement is important to you?

csh_2

LegalBlonde wrote: »

i don't want to come across as holier than thou believe me OP at times i am having EXACTLY the same issues with my mum and get so wound up by the tiniest thing in all this wedding planning............but i was just on the relationships board and there was a long thread about a girl's mum wanting to borrow her wedding dress, and everyone's opinions on what she should and should not say, then one woman came on and said her mum was dead and she would walk over hot coals to have the chance to give her a wedding dress....sometimes we need to step back and realise how lucky we are x

Hmmmm, I seen that too and on lots of threads about family problems people pop up and say forgive anything because my XYZ is dead etc.
Not wanting to appear unsympathetic but I would never say to someone that unacceptable behaviour by their father should be tolerated because I've lost mine??
The logic of that is lost on me.

Everyone can't spend their lives pleasing other people because we all die one day.


OP: Just stick to the original plan, your Mum may just still be sulking at not being there the first time. I'm sure she'll be there on the day

LegalBlonde

i am not saying she should tolerate anything at all that her mum does, i am saying that life is too short to get so stressed about it. you can't change how people are, you can only change how you react. i have been picked up totally wrong, i wasn't saying treat your mum with kid gloves due to the very fact that she is alive, just that we never know what is going to happen and life is too short.

Emma1988

laura2481 wrote: »

Aww, thanks for the hug
It wasn't me that posted a few weeks ago. I must not be the only one suffering maternal created stress! :rotfl:

Haha maybe not then! :rotfl:

laura2481

Thanks everybody for your answers. I'm sure that my mum did not realise how silly she came across this morning on the phone, and I'm sure when it comes down to it she will be there. Besides- worst comes to the worst my dad can stay at home and look after the cat (he was coming along to visit the in-laws-2be but is not as essential to the dress shopping trip )

And I also appreciate LegalBlonde's sentiment. No matter how annoying she was, she is still my mum and wasn't intending to annoy. So I've had my rant here.. to save me doing it to her