How to make MOB and MOG feel involved?

Me_At_Home

I need your advice please ladies. We are paying for our own wedding and therefore feel as though all of the major decisions should be ours however both of our mothers want to be involved and keep asking for things to do. The problem is that I am a bit of a control freak and kind of want to do everything myself. I have already ordered my dress and neither of the mothers were involved in this aspect.

My mum has said that she will get her friend to make our traditional wedding cake, although we don't actually want a traditional cake. We are thinking of having two cakes so that we can have what we want and so mum can still get her friend to make the traditional cake. Silly I know but I don't want to upset her. Anyway I digress...

My question is how do i make them both feel involved in the whole thing? My h2b and I feel as though all the big decisions should be ours and are really not sure what they can do so to speak. The other thing is that both mothers have very different tastes and opinions to ours and have found that a lot of the ideas we have had they haven't been exactly overjoyed about. Hence the whole cake thing...

It's so difficult to keep everyone happy!!

My mum is giving me away which I am very happy about and I was thinking about asking h2bs mum to do a reading at the church, although I am not sure how she will feel about this.

What jobs, if any, did you give your mum and mil2b for your weddings?

Sorry for the rambling.....

maggie111

Don't think about traditional MOB and MOG jobs - think about something you don't care about and get them to arrange it. Table diamonds, flower girl outfits, what wine to have with the meal, ring pillows, hen night, guest book, gift list (perhaps give them a list of things you'd like and arrange guests to telephone them). Perhaps ask their assistance in working out deadlines, table plans, budgets etc. You don't have to let them do it but ask for help in it and ultimately do what you prefer anyway! You can always ask them to do some legwork for you on a certain thing and then you get to ultimately pick.

It's not hard to make someone feel included, even running your choice past them before you confirm it might make them feel a part of it. "Mum, I've found the perfect garter - what do you think! Wanted to show it to you before I ordered it."

I've got sympathy because I'm a fussy !!!!!! too, but I'm sure there are some things you're not fussed over.

greenmoneysaver_2

We didn't involve MG and MOB in any decisions, and neither were offended- which was a surprise!

They both just came and enjoyed the day!

Dont feel under pressure to include people just for the saake of it!

PinkPeach

We've sorted out the wedding ourselves, as although my family are paying for most of it they wanted us to make decisions we were happy with and so kindly let us do what we wanted.

Both our mothers live far apart and so one of them has made us a box for people to pop our cards into and the other wrote out and sent our evening invites as well as writing out our place cards.

To be honest I don't think either of them has minded not doing much as it's allowed them to be stress free. The last thing i need is a mother-in-law flapping around last minute!

MrsC....tobe

I've not given mine anything to do either. MOB hasn't shown one iota of interest in it so far other than to ask what colour she is 'having' to wear, and MOG is quite happy for me to run ideas past her. She has said she will pay for certain things if I want but H2B was married before and she spent a lot of money then so I have turned it down and given her the reasons why. My step-mum has been shown a lot of stuff and has helped make my flower girl wands, only because she wanted something to so at the time!
I am taking MOG and step-mum to a wedding show with me though, a girls day out

LEJC

Let them concentrate on their outfits for the wedding.....Im sure that nearer the day you will need them to do more mundane tasks but tell them that at the moment their priority is to sort out their outfit...

csh_2

Our humanist suggested we each have our mothers as witnesses and are involved in the signing. Both BM and MOH have plenty of other stuff to do and neither are bothered by the Mums stealing a job!
Its nice for the Mums to be involved. Neither are really involved in the planning as I've done most of it myself but it gives them something to look forward to on the day

mimosaurus

I've been lucky that both parents are happy to let us get on with it, however I have found them to be really useful for loads of little things!

My mum is making me a stole to go with my dress, MIL2B is doing nails for me and my bridesmaids and taking in the bridesmaid dress for her daughter so that it fits, also MIL2B and FIL2B are sorting the reception room for us on the morning of the wedding and my mum is driving me to the ceremony. I do think there are loads of things they can help with because realistically you can't get everything done by yourself - so perhaps think now about the things you will need nearer the time (eg someone to drop off the wine and cake at the reception, someone to organise the ceremony room etc) and this might placate them if they feel they need something. Also use any skills that they might have - can they make your favours, or anything like that.

xxx

Sammy85_2

We're doing a "unity candle" in church (its a set up of 3 candles, two smaller on the outside and one large one in the middle) it was the vicars suggestion to involve the mothers. Both mothers come up at the start of the service and light a smaller candle each. Once we're married we will go together and light the main candle using the two smaller ones then extinguish the smaller ones.

Im also having each mother do a reading.