Wife just admitted she's in debt... not sure on best action

pipsi_2

Perhaps with her agreement she could give you all of her cards, cut up the credit cards etc and then you give her money each week for day to day stuff, you then take this money for day to day stuff out of her account and give it to her, using the money left over after paying her debts to pay the bills that she usually pays for. She may feel like this is too controlling but it will help. Perhaps if she opened a second bank account and transferred the money she needs for stuff like shopping to this so she can buy food etc. Basically she gives you control of the money she has coming in and you give her what she needs for the basics for the family. I know many married couples who work on a similar (perhaps not as restrictive) basis to this. If you have better control with money it is perhaps for the best that you take control of it.

majorstare

Your all right, she has been building up to this debt for some time, and spending to make her self feel better.

We have had a good chat tonight and she has been 100% open and honest. I will help her but some stuff she will have to do on her own... i want her to learn.

We have always had seperate accounts, after bills, our spare money is ours, be it joint spending or things for ourselves.

Tomorrow she is calling the CCCS.

GeorgeUK

Do you have any joint accounts - even a joint mortgage?

If CCCS tell her to do a DMP, this would impact on you too if you are joined financially.

alexandrajf

She may be feeling overwhelmed and using shopping to relieve stress. Especially if she is dealing with children. You could help her 'learn', by helping her learn ways to relieve that stress without shopping. Such as setting aside some of your own money to pay for her to take a weekly yoga class. Lots of places have them at a low price, such as community centres and even some churches. Does she have friends to talk to? Meetup.com has lots of groups for moms to get together to have a good time and relax. Taking care of kids is hard work. She needs some time to herself where she isn't just a Mommy, she's a woman. Shopping probably gives her that feeling. You need to work together to give her some me-time without her shopping. Otherwise she will just be miserable with no outlet.

incher

majorstare wrote: »

I will help her but some stuff she will have to do on her own... i want her to learn.

Ouch! What is she, your wife or child?!

This doesn't sound like much of a partnership at all - you have children. Surely you're both in it together?