Just wanted to say thank you from a lurker

lanfear

Hi

Usually I lurk on these boards but I felt I wanted to thank you all, you have helped me more than you possibly know.

Here goes (sorry about the long post)...

Reading threads here yesterday was about the only thing that helped me screw up enough courage to tell my partner about my credit card/overdraft debt that has been building up for the past 3/4 years. It came to a head because he wants to apply for a loan to put solar panels on the house and I was terrified that he would ask me for bank statements (we own our house together so we are also financially linked).

He knew absolutely nothing about my debt. I was so sick of pouncing on the post, panicking everytime my overdraft went over its limit and terrified that he might want a bank statement for something or that someone might phone, but I couldn't see a way to tell him. I have never missed any payments so not waiting for bailiffs or anything, but still was only paying the minimum on everything and my overdraft was getting bigger and bigger. I was so so scared, especially as he's good with money

It never occurred to me that there might be other people out there who were hiding debts from their partners and worried that they might find out. I really never thought there were others out there in the same boat as me. Reading the threads here helped me so much I can't tell you.

He has been brilliant, he is disappointed that when I was struggling I didn't come to him for help, but I have now handed over all my cards, all my log in details for every account I have, and he will help me to sort it out. Seeing it all written down on paper was absolutely horrifying.

I am so glad it is now all out in the open and I don't have to hide things and lie anymore. If anyone out there is in the same situation, please don't hide anymore.

Thank you all so much, even though you didn't know you were helping me.

xxx
:grouphug:

Radish72

Well done for having the courage to tell your partner :j

Plus now you have de-lurked, why not carry on posting with your progress

The_Moo

Great post! Well done on telling him xxx

CCCS_Sue

lanfear wrote: »

Hi

Usually I lurk on these boards but I felt I wanted to thank you all, you have helped me more than you possibly know.

Here goes (sorry about the long post)...

Reading threads here yesterday was about the only thing that helped me screw up enough courage to tell my partner about my credit card/overdraft debt that has been building up for the past 3/4 years. It came to a head because he wants to apply for a loan to put solar panels on the house and I was terrified that he would ask me for bank statements (we own our house together so we are also financially linked).

He knew absolutely nothing about my debt. I was so sick of pouncing on the post, panicking everytime my overdraft went over its limit and terrified that he might want a bank statement for something or that someone might phone, but I couldn't see a way to tell him. I have never missed any payments so not waiting for bailiffs or anything, but still was only paying the minimum on everything and my overdraft was getting bigger and bigger. I was so so scared, especially as he's good with money

It never occurred to me that there might be other people out there who were hiding debts from their partners and worried that they might find out. I really never thought there were others out there in the same boat as me. Reading the threads here helped me so much I can't tell you.

He has been brilliant, he is disappointed that when I was struggling I didn't come to him for help, but I have now handed over all my cards, all my log in details for every account I have, and he will help me to sort it out. Seeing it all written down on paper was absolutely horrifying.

I am so glad it is now all out in the open and I don't have to hide things and lie anymore. If anyone out there is in the same situation, please don't hide anymore.

Thank you all so much, even though you didn't know you were helping me.

xxx
:grouphug:

Hi Ianfear

That’s great news!

There must be lots of people reading this post who can identify with your experience.

It isn’t easy trying to shoulder all the stress and anxiety that comes with knowing that your financial situation is getting worse on your own.
It is so much better when you can share the worry with someone close who can support and help you.

If you do need any further help or advice with any of your debts, or you would like to discuss all your options, you can contact us free on 0800 138 1111, or we have an online facility called Debt Remedy which can give you advice tailored on your individual situation.

Good Luck!

Regards
Sue

Watalie

Well done for telling him & good luck!! It's amazing how better you feel when you aren't keeping it all a secret

Tish_P

Well done lanfear! And it's lovely that your partner is being so understanding. Best of luck with stomping out the debt and I hope you keep posting here.

Marisco

Very well done lanfear:) Now you don't have to duck and dive, you can concentrate on getting the debts down - together;) Keep us informed of your progress, or just come on for a good moan when it all gets a bit too much;)

winner12

Good for you lanfear it must be a weight off your mind I did the same dreaded the postie and was terrified of the thought of contacting creditors now 8 months on a DMP i arranged with the help of National Debt Line I am trying to find ways to pay the debts off quicker (other posts)and this is a good sounding board everyone is great from other people in debt to the pros who give advice keep in touch you may be able to help some other lost soul
Good luck

lanfear

Thank you.

My debt is approx £10k but to be honest, once I'd just sat there and blurted it out I felt so much better. And he was amazing, he just said "how?" and then said we can sort it out. He's disappointed in me more than anything.

There's no easy way to say something like that, I can't pretend there is, but you just have to do it. The more you hide it the worse it gets. And everyone is right, it's not the debts themselves are the problem it's the lies and hiding that goes with it.

Problem is I'm very self-destructive with money, so that's why I have handed everything over to him so I can't "slip".