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13Kent

I do think it's sad that people feel that a NRP should not have another child when in a new relationship in case it affects the children that the NRP already has. This sort of opinion doesn't seem to be aimed at the PWC usually either - it seems that the general opinion is that it is ok for them to have more children. Everyone's case is different, and it's unfair to make sweeping statements without knowing the details of everyone's case.

For example, in our case it was not my husbands choice to leave his family - in fact he tried hard to keep the family together for the sake of the children but his ex continued to have affairs, and eventually made him leave. He is devastated as he feels he is no longer the full time Dad he wants to be to his children. Before I met him I had no children, and I don't see why I should have lost my chance to have a family because he had already got children. In fact we do have our own children now which bring us both much joy, (and also sadness as my husband is realising even more what he is missing out on with his older children). Yes, money is tight, but it is not the PWC's children that are going without - my husband has never missed a maintenance payment, and money is even tighter as we have arrears which occurred when the PWC lied to the CSA and told them he wasn't paying her anything when he was and we have ended up paying twice. We are on CSA 1, and in addition to paying arrears for amounts that had already been paid we also pay about double the amount we would pay on CSA 2. (About £600 a month)

The PWC is married, and has had more children, and they enjoy a far more lavish lifestyle than we do. She has a NIL assessment despite her and her husband working, and receiving child benefit/tax credits - which are counted as part of our income of course. If I am honest then yes I find this hard to swallow as despite this the PWC is still greedy for more money, - for example the children wanted to join a sports club but needed kit. She approached us to buy the kit. We refused saying take it from the CSA money, so she passed the phone over to the children and said "you can't go because your Dad won't buy you the kit" - (They did go in the end, but she was just trying to squeeze a little bit extra out of us!

Her children (including the ones she has with her new husband) are certainly not losing out because we have our own children. Maybe financially we cannot offer our children all that they have, but we get by comfortably - maybe without a lot of luxuries, but when I was young we didn't have many luxuries either, and my parents are still together 40 years on.

However our children are happy, are loved dearly by us, their grandparents and aunts and uncles, and they also love and are loved by their older siblings and look forward to seeing them, and I couldn't imagine life without them.

Sorry for the rant, but it does upset me when people assume that if the NRP has more children the children he had first lose out - sadly they have lost a full time Dad, and no amount of money will change that, but it is not always the case that financially they will be worse off either.

PlayingHardball

I don't think anyone made sweeping generalised statements, they were very specific to information given in the OP. Her partner has just come off benefits, just found a job, comments were 'now is not best time to bring another life into the world'. Also the OP said her partner would have to think about going back onto benefits if the CSA asked £40 per week of them! (She later said he was just blowing off on that point, and would keep his job)

I wouldn't assume if a NRP had further children, then children from first wife miss out. I would only assume this if NRP wasn't paying for all the children.

So, while I really do sympathise with what your husband has gone through, there isn't really much to compare the OP with to your experience, and I for one don't lumb everyone into one boat and made gereralisations

Marisco

What 13Kent said about the ex holding the phone to the kids, struck a nerve!! My oh' ex was always doing things like that, when he used to go and pick them up she'd start an argument and make sure the kids were there!! And come out with things like "that's what he's like":mad: All because she wanted more money, and oh wasn't able to give it!! The CSA was already taking nearly half his wage. There really are awful people out there, who don't really care about their kids, only money:( The worst thing anyone can do is use kids as "blackmail material", they should have the kids taken off them for abuse!!:mad: Sorry to go off topic:o but even now 14 years down the line I get so mad thinking what that !!!!! did to my oh and the kids!! Despite her, they have turned out to be nice adults:)