A question to those repeatedly in debt...

fimonkey

.. How would you feel if your partner suddenly turned around and told you they wouldn't help you anymore with your debt because after repeatedly helping you get out it, you plunge headlong back into it again?

Would it make you pull up your socks, take responsibility and sort it out for yourself?

Would it encourage you to then stay out of debt and not hide unopened bills?

Or would it have the oppoiste effect and make you bury your head even deeper in the sand?

Please do take the time to reply to this if you're in debt. I'd also really like to hear from those who have been in the above situation (as a partner helping out someone constantly in debt).

Thanks

DarkConvict

I've not been in the debt situation. I originally came here to get advice for a friend.

The response you will get would depend entirely on the person. Some people would carry on knowing the people would still help you even if you didn't help yourself. For some it might just be a wake up call they need.
The longer you have being helping them, the more they will expect it or even depend on it so i do not think they will change so easily. For someone who has received little help they are more likely to do something about it, as they are likely to be in a different mindset.

Its not just words that count, but the "tough love" needs to be real not just a threat.
The major risk i always worry about with stopping the help, is they turn to worse people. Payday loan companies. If they goto them, you can probably not help them as the hole they have dug is just to deep.

Marisco

Hi Fimonkey, If someone said that to me, I'd take it as a wake up call and try and get myself sorted! I'll help anyone who needs it, however, if after helping someone, they carry on doing the same thing again and again, I'd say, to hell with this, and leave them get on with it!! Everyone deserves a second chance - I draw the line at 3rd, 4th and 5th!;) Apart from anything else, they'll learn nowt if someone is always there to sort it out!!

andrea1968_2

I can't say that I'm repeatedly in debt, it was just one big debt that's taken a lot of paying off, but finally the end is almost in sight.

I had this debt before I met my fantastic OH and he has done nothing but give me encouragement. Although he doesn't specifically give me money to pay the credit cards, he always pays for nights out and even saves all his silver to put towards for my season ticket so that I can concentrate on putting all my spare cash towards a debt free life with him.

Having said that if I suddenly started running up loads of extra bills on things that I didn't need I'm sure he'd soon pick up on it and I'd get ''the look''.

Some people need the arm round the shoulders and some people need tough love, but at the end of the day if you value your relationship that should be the thing that spurrs you on to get sorted

Watalie

2nd chances are grand...

But I can't help but feel that the old saying - fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me.

I have faced up to my debt and I absolutly know I will never put myself in this position again, I'm helping my partner now... I don't intend to be doing it again. I want us both to be singing from the same hymn-sheet and moving forward to our future together.

bottleofred

Hi fimonkey,

It is easy to get into a mess with debts (My Wife and I know only too well!). However, if you don't learn the first time, it can be difficult for people to continue helping and providing support etc. As DC says, it depends on the individual and their attitude to debt etc. You need to provide support, but the other person also has to try to help themselves.