If you have children - how do you do it? costs involved??

BizzyMummy

Hi Everyone

I've not posted in ages - I lurk, and I find great comfort in reading your posts everyday its usually my 'me time', away from work, budgeting and dealing with my debts. When I'm online with you guys I feed that you all know what I'm goin through.

In my real life - well I live in a very affluent part of the country and me and hubby (although not from around here) have decided that this is where we are happy and this is where we will raise our boys. I struggle all of the time - though not always agreeing with what goes on because of how I've been brought up or because everything is just SO indulgent, to just not being able to aford it!. I work part time (no family around) and hubby is self employed which has its own worries!!!


Anyway, the reason it made me post today rather than just read was a conversation with another Mum about our 11 year olds starting secondary..

We've had our uniform list - and this Mum was saying that her son had chosen which trainers and football boots he woould like!! (Both Nike and I think bright yellow!!) I've bought DS second hand from ebay fboots and will buy really cheap trainers as his 'main' trainers are the ones I've spent a bit more on because he wears at parties and at weekends etc.

Now my lovely boy (is not into footy etc but a star gymnast each weekend) isnot bothered about boots but please tell me how far do we go??

What have I got to prepare myself for in the next few years!!

BMxx

goingforward_3

I dont live in a affluent area (but nor is it poor) and my eldest also goes to secondary in Sept. You will always come across some kids who have the latest designer clothes, ponies or whatever.. A girl in my daughters class has everything and more yet is the most horrid brat i've ever come across.. she told me i was tight because i refused to take her to pizza hut !!

They had a leavers prom recently the spoilt child turned up in a £100 dress and made sure everyone knew what it cost... i found my daughter a dress for £10 in the sales, she was happy with it and looked lovely.

My daughter's main school uniform (ie stuff worn everyday) will be new , but she wont be getting designer sports gear like some of the others will for pe. She wont care in the slightest and i'm betting your lad wont too (and nor will you be the angry parent when the designer trainers go missing after about a week lol !! ).

barbiedoll

Hi Bizzymummy
Yes, kids are expensive aren't they? Still, if we weren't paying for them, we'd only be spending the money on parties, booze and good times! :rotfl:

The uniform is the biggest expense and even when you buy stuff from the school suppliers, I've found that the quality of blazers and jumpers isn't particularly good. My son will need another new blazer this year because the shoulders have worn and the elbows are almost threadbare! My son doesn't have expensive trainers, although they do last, he grows out of them too quickly for them to be cost-effective. If you're like us, then your child won't be used to designer gear and the best of everything so he won't expect you to buy it. Although I've been told that it will all change once he reaches his teenage years!

The worst thing is the school trips. No longer just a day at the museum, the trips now seem to involve 5 nights in Paris or skiing during the winter break. And they are always so expensive, I think they must be flying first-class! My son hardly ever tells me about the trips, as he recently said, "I know we can't afford it, so I didn't bother asking" Which made me feel like a bit of a failure, but he assured me that he didn't want to spend 5 nights away from his mum and dad anyway.
Plus, we live in a rather more deprived area and lots of his friends don't have affluent parents so we don't have to compete with anyone. I guess as you live in a more expensive area, you may feel the pressure more on that score. Just remember, your kids would rather have the love and support of their parents than the latest gadget. And everyone says that it's the good family times that they remember best from their childhood, not how much their presents or trips cost. Good luck with your son's transition to secondary school but brace yourself for a few more years of penny-pinching yet!

BizzyMummy

Thank you goingforward for the support.

I really do know deep down that I'm doing the right thing - my goodness it would pain me more than anything to spend stupid money on shoes that were going to be lost at school!! I just feel really bad about it that again even at school there's such a big thing amongst his friends about 'what they want'.

Does your daughter understand why/how? did you explain? I try and say if we spend only this amount on x then you can have x amount on cinema etc but we can't have both. They seem to get it but in isolation - my problem (and theirs) are when othes are involved with no restrictions..
BM x

benbenandme

As someone who works in a school I wouldn't bother spending much on their trainers / football boots; realistically they only wear them for an hour or two a week and then they're caked in mud anyway Save the decent trainers for out of school rather than rotting in a locker somewhere because they've forgotten to bring them home

Nitha

TK Maxx is good for kids designer wear on the cheap I've found. I tend to get most stuff for DSS in Peacocks or Asda and then the occasional 'label' in TK Maxx. Thankfully we don't live in an affluent area and I will never spend ridiculous amounts on school trips without questioning their validity first. I managed on free trips to the nature reserve and school holidays at the local catholic retreat, my kids should too.

goingforward_3

My daughter is pretty good really... we never have bought them mega expensive trainers etc... if they've had adidas/nike etc they have come from places like TK Maxx, M&M Direct etc so have never been the most upto date stuff.

She knows that other parents are better off than us (2 cars families both of which are Audi's etc) but equally despite us about to start a DMP they are children far far worse off than her. Simply they cant have everything they want x

winner12

Hi its nice to read comments from mums who do try to do there best and I think thats the whole point my daughter goes to secondry too this September and due to messing up with huge debts (sorting long term as I write this) I have bought on a strict budget but it does make me think Im sure the flashy mums at the school gates and children with everything are in as much debt as the rest of us funding a huge lifestyle they can ill afford

magicgirl

my kids are still quite young but all three have their own style and none are particularly fussed about designer gear (yet!) We do have a small compromise where by if they want a large item, they need to save for it. after they have cleaned their room (all three share a room although the two year old is currently excluded from these rules and will be 'staggered' in as she grows) any extra jobs they do around the house, they get paid for. they save their 'earnings' and buy their own bits. ths included money from family etc. our eldest wanted a bike for her tenth birthday and did her sums etc and saved and did as many chores as poss to ensure she could afford it. it was what we were going to buy anyway but we didn't tell her. she more than earned it and had enough money left to buy herself a new phone but i had recently upgraded and she is not shy to own second hand so she took my old one and still has it now nearly a year on. she has not spent a penny of her money that she has earned. (she is a lot better with money than me! lol) i am stil lplaying it by ear but she has been taught that money has value and hopefuly this will continue with her sisters also. i think its great that we have ben able to teach her this as although h2b is good with money (he came from a family that scrimped and saved every penny - out of necessity) i have only recenty learned to be (i come from a family that was considered a typical upper middle class atteh time i grew up and was used to nice things) The biggest difficulty i have found is that i live on an estate where most are unemployed but all these people have flat screen tele's and the designer clothes. i cannot afford any of this as i work and have high childcare costs. however, i do take pride in the fact that all we own we have worked for and it is the value i want to instill in my kids despite what they see around them.

I wish you and your family luck in the future and hope your efforts are rewarded. x

LuckyBiscuit

I have a DD of 15 and a DS of 13, both have never asked for expensive designer gear, i really believe its about how you bring them up, ive tryed to teach my children that they are not defined by what they wear and they dont need to be labeled by a brand, they are who they are as individuals and its about how you treat others and whats inside that counts. Im very proud to say that my kids are great!!! Not meterialistic in any way!!! Wow that must mean at least ive done something right!!!

But hey bringing up kids today is tough, there is so much pressure, if i could afford it sure id want them to do all the fun things, experiences like flying etc etc, not stuff!!!!!!

Love to all........................