Planning for 2nd wedding

ellay864

As anyone who's read some of my posts will realise, unlike many of you lucky young things excitedly planning your big day, I have to face the fact I am...ahem...'a lady of a certain age'. I have two DSs 18 and 15, my OH is the wrong side of 50 and has DS and DD of the same ages.
We're now excitedly planning for our big day but there are some people (sadly including my mother!!) who just cant seem to see why we should be getting excited...."it's not like you've not done it before is it" "it's not like you're that young"
It really bugs me...I didn't choose to end my first marriage - he left me for another woman and I was totally gutted. Took me a long time to get over it, and 4 years as a single mum before I met OH and actually realised I could be happy again. OH was in similar position as his wife also had the affair that ended their marriage.
At one time I did go with the thought that a 2nd wedding should be a smaller quiet affair, but once we got engaged and I started thinking seriously I realised that I didnt want this wedding to be in any way seen as second best. It is smaller, in part due to the fact we have money issues (OH came with massive debt problems that we're working through) but it is NOT second best.
Any other older or second time round brides on here? Do you get any negative reaction to your planning? How do you see your wedding this time?
Sorry for ranting a bit - I must say I do have friends and work colleagues who are truly excited and happy for me, but the killjoys seem to make themselves very prominent at times :mad:

Horace

Mothers of all ages tend to want to interfere and will always ask the wrong questions...it's their job to irritate.

2nd weddings are often more fun than the first so don't let your mum put you off. I think its fab that you're re-marrying:j

If folks make snide remarks then they don't have to go to the wedding to they? Don't let them spoil your big day.

BarbC

We are 2nd time round and both early 40s with teenagers. Its about love and commitment and showing that to th eworld - not about age. I think that finding the right person after gettin gover the wrong one can feel even more special to you cos youve been through the dark clouds and out the other side and now you know what it SHOULD feel like. To hell with the Nay-ayers - you have every right to celebrate - go for it!!

Louba

2nd time for me too Like you I didn't choose to end it..........the ex made it impossible to continue. This time I have a lovely man and while I sometimes wish I'd met him first - I probably wouldn't have appreciated him as much. Your wedding day is about you and celebrating your marriage and while that's no excuse to turn into a bridezilla - you should do what you really want and what makes you happy. If people are uncomfortable with what you want then that's their issue not yours. My family is quite religeous and my aunt won't recognise my engagement as my first marriage hasn't been annulled by the church - I really don't want to go down that route because I don't think it is right to try to pretend it never happened - it did last 8 years. Everyone else has been wonderful so I'm just trying to accept that she has her views and because of that she probably won't come. I don't feel bitter and if she wants to be she will still be part of our lives. Sometime I still hve a wobble and think she's just being horrible though !!
Not sure if this is helpful - but good luck with your plans

ellay864

Thanks everybody....yes I probably do appreciate things more this time around and while we're not going mega overboard on things I'm certainly not planning on skimping or keeping it low key just because it's my 2nd wedding. Most people are lovely but there are just a few who make the snide remarks. My mum is also really religious so finds it hard to deal with. I think she'd be happy if I was having a small religious ceremony so at least it was being done 'properly'. Because of where I'm getting married I think she's feeling it's second rate already. Luckily she isn't the sort to interfere - if anything I get a bit upset she won't take more interest - so we're just going ahead and getting on with what we want

missy_moo_5

Ditto the OP on several counts....

I'm almost 40, DP is almost 50. We both had marriages which failed due to the "other half" straying - mine in monumental style (I found out he got one of his several mistresses pregnant as I was undergoing IVF - I didn't have a blind clue he was up to anything so the whole discovery was absolutely devastating of couse and I unravelled so much deceit).

DP and I have luckily and amazingly gone on to have our much longed for baby and we want to be married and be a family.

Unfortunately in my case my first marriage only took place in 2005 and ended in 2007 (although we were together 10 years before marrying) so it seems quite fresh to my family. There have been several comments made when I suggest things that I would like to be doing, on every count, to do the polar opposite of what I did before. I don't want to do things totally opposite - I had them before because they were my favourite choices!! Plus I get really cross because I don't want to look back on my first wedding which I still know was absolutely wonderful and think this time round it's all about compromising and doing things deliberately toned down. The Toad I married before didn't deserve to have such a wonderful day but selfishly I still believe I do deserve it and deserve to have happy memories of it.

My dress has been the biggest bone of contention. I loved and adored my first dress, and choosing a dress this time round has been hard. I had the first one because the style, shape, colour was what suited me best and looked best - but everyone encouraged me to pick something markedly different this time just so it was obviously different. Surely the whole point of your wedding dress is that its the one which looked the best on you? In the dress shop this time I tried on one which was a similar line to the one before, and it really did look perfect, but both the relatives with me said "no, no - you've done that before" - it really infuriated me!

I'm not sure how much help I've been, but you are not alone!

ellay864

Oh missy sorry to hear about how your ex treated you...makes mine seem really tame in comparison.
Ototally understand why you don't want to do things totally different - why should you feel you have to compromise on things you really like just because of how things worked out before. I do now find it hard to look back at my first wedding without feeling quite sad and wondering if it was as real as I'd obviously hoped it was but I agree with you about not wanting to tone down your 2nd wedding. It must be hard for you having it in the pretty recent past. I'm spared that - my first wedding was in 1989 - on my 25th birthday of all things!! - so dresses have moved on in style and my taste has changed as I've got older
Thanks for sharing xx Hope everything goes great for you and you get the dress and day you want (when is it??).

missy_moo_5

thank you hun.

A month before you - Sept 10th in Anglesey!!

frannyann

Second time around for me too, I am nearing 40 and OH is 41! Thankfully my family are 'any excuse for a party' however his side are being a bit werid about it, but we are just ignoring them LOL