When you & hubby/partner etc fall out who's the one to back down?

heretolearn_2

I'm no push-over over important matters, but I don't sweat the small stuff. Also someone who can't admit they were wrong and apologise, whether they are a man or a woman, has a quite serious character flaw, in my mind.

Sometimes when you reach an impasse and you are both holding your ground it can go on forever and a tiny issue gets blown out of all proportion. That's not making either of you happy. I just think 'do I want to be right or do I want to be happy' sometimes and give up!

gabyjane

peachyprice wrote: »

I would be SERIOUSLY displeased if I was dropping my children off at the childminder to find a) she was leaving my child with her unregistered husband while she did the school run and b)he was still in bed.

Before i reply to other posts i would just like to point out my husband is registered as my assistant, is first aid trained and is always out of bed. Please do not quote he is unregistered when you have no idea.

gabyjane

Ok and the other replies!!

nickyhutch not sure if you were refering to me or him in being like that all day but i was just normal..he just didn't speak or reply to any texts so figure he is a mood with me and he was..childish so have let him be.

nzmegs yes i work from 6am give or take right through till 6pm tonight..of course now the 2 mindees are asleep he will see that as me having time off yet it isn't imo. I have to wake him up..trust me we have tried the alarm clock route and it is pointless. I do not mind calling him and tbh like to know he is up so all hell doesn't break loose and normally it's fine but yesterday he was just ebing stubborn, so with me and 6 kids on the doorstep i was not best pleased waiting for him!

Morgan_Ree i did not walk into the bedroom and demand he got up, i asked him to )after ringing) and asked again..seriously he is not a child and should be able to get up? If i waited for someone to wake me every morning by phone ide never get to work! I have to make myself.

Eager_Elephant thanks for the bit about leaving him to wake up..we have done this..the funny thing is if it is something important he magically manages to get himslef up..yet if it is something else i ahve to do wake him after numerous attempts and nothing i give up then get moaned at he is late?..men!

thanks for the other replies..we will see how long this goes on!!

euronorris

My OH has acted like this on occasion. This is when his dinner stops being cooked for him, his clothes washed or the flat cleaned. He soon notices and asks why and I tell him that if he isn't prepared to pull his weight, then I don't see why I should. I usually get an apology and dinner made/cleaning done for me then. And it's occurring less often.

Recently, he was spending too much time on the computer and not listening to my requests for us to spend some quality time together, then expecting me to drop whatever I was doing when he decided he did, in fact, want a hug and kiss now. I explained that it wasn't that I don't want to, but I'm not going to go on and on at him for something he should want to do naturally, nor am I going to drop my plans when it suits him. He apologised and is making a much bigger effort now.

I think it's just easy to get lost in your own little world sometimes and not consider the other person's feelings. A quick reminder usually sets things straight.

brians_daughter

I rarely apologise, but thats cause i am rarley wrong! lol..

No in all seriousness we are quite good. If i know it was my fault i will mumble a sorry... if oh is in the wrong it takes cooking dinner, washing up and bath running for me to accept his apologies! It tends to be the one who was in the wrong apologises.

TBH in the 10 years we have been together we have never argued about anything serious, just who is taking the bin out, where we should go on holiday etc

*Louise*

Let him stew - he should have got up and there was no need for him to turn it into a major strop.


I cannot let an argument run for days. I just think 'what if something happened to one of us and the last thing that had happened was that argument' neither of us are too bad about apologising...I have never had to go on 'strike' for more than a couple of hours yet! :rotfl:

Hubby can sit in silence for a few hours, but I just let him get on with it (if I'm in the right) and he comes round after being in his 'cave' for a while

Gingham_Ribbon

I would apologise in that instance. He was finding it hard to get out of bed and you got crabby with him. That's all. I'd say sorry and forget about it. Maybe if you'd apologised straight away he would have apologised for taking so long to get up?

belfastgirl23

I agree with Gingham, sometimes you need to step back and see where your own behaviour has been at fault. i understand you being so irritated by him not getting up but being nagged is also not a nice experience (whether he deserved it or not!) so I would apologise for nagging first with some acknowledgement of it making you feel very stressed when he doesn't get up. Hopefully this would open the way for him to acknowledge that he was in a bad mood and apologise for that. And for you to have a conversation about how to handle things in the morning in future.

I actually find that if I apologise first for whatever part I have had in the falling out, DH does the same and we get through the argument quicker...it sets the tone for us both admitting where we were wrong and nowadays he'll often be the one to realise first that he's in a bad mood or whatever.

Oh and on that, I find it really works to say 'is everything ok, you don't seem like yourself today' rather than the rather more dangerous 'are you in a bad mood'

euronorris

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

I would apologise in that instance. He was finding it hard to get out of bed and you got crabby with him. That's all. I'd say sorry and forget about it. Maybe if you'd apologised straight away he would have apologised for taking so long to get up?

I disagree. We all have trouble getting up sometimes, but we all have responsibilities too so tough.

If he doesn't want his OH nagging him to get up when he's struggling a) he shouldn't rely on her as alarm clock and b) he shouldn't commit to helping out with the children first thing in the morning (when she's not there to make up for him being late).

nickyhutch

gabyjane wrote: »

Before i reply to other posts i would just like to point out my husband is registered as my assistant, is first aid trained and is always out of bed. Please do not quote he is unregistered when you have no idea.

It would have been an idea to mention it in your first post