Advice needed

wattapain

Hi all, I really need advice as how best to help my son who is having difficulty managing his finances.
He is living at home still (he's 30 yrs old:eek: ) following a relationship breakup earlier this year.
Basically he's been in the s**t moneywise since uni days - never could quite get out of the huge overdraft mindset etc - but likes nice (ie EXPENSIVE) things, eating out , holidays etc. and has inevitably managed to get himself into a vicious cycle of over the overdraft limit- charges - returned dd's - charges etc etc.
Now I have tried on many occasions to discuss it with him but he really doesn't want to talk to me or his dad - he keeps sying he's OK.
But I just know it's nOT OK as we keep getting calls from 'personal bankers' - he's always out when they call as they ring in the evening. We tell him but he never rings back.
His problems as I say go back a while - 3 years ago he was in an even more desperate situation with 2 credit cards up to their limit, an overthe limit overdraft.
After he finally admitted the problem, i had to get a bank loan as he couldnt 'cos of his terrible credit rating. He then paid them off and has been paying me via standing order.
There have been lots of other instances too but I really don't need to list them here.
Basically what I want to know is , what if anything can i do to help?
Or do I have to wait for him to get the 'lightbulb' moment?

He earns a decent salary - about £1500 per month, and apart from paying his student loan - about £80-£100, and my loan - £120 , I am not aware of any other outgoings.
When he lived with his girlfriend, obviously he was paying rent, utility bills, food etc , and quite honestly, i think money was part of the problem, but obviously you don't discuss relationships with your mum!!
I really don't want topry into his life, but it's breaking my heart to see him like this.
Hope someone can give me some advice.

livinginhope

Ooo wattapain,what a lovely mum you sound :A
I think it's great to see that you want to help your son,BUT,I have to say that I think he should have to admit the problem before you get involved,once he opens up and talks to one of you about the extent of the problem,then offer all the help you can.
Just another thought,these 'personal bankers' could actually be just that,we banked with Lloyds before our troubles and were constantly bombarded with calls to go to the bank for a 'personal review' ie.to get you to take out a loan or CC,if you didn't take up their offer they kept phoning :mad:
Keep talking to him and hope you sort things soon

Imelda

Hi there wattapain,

Firstly you sound like a lovely mum!

Secondly, we on here don't really advocate helping someone who is debt out by taking on a debt in their name, as your case shows. By helping him out like that he has had an easy escape, hasn't learnt the error of his ways and will probably just run up more debts.. So please, however tempting, don't do it again.
You can't really do anymore than you are, only he can have his LBM, it's frustrating. Maybe you could direct him towards this website, he can post annoymously (a lot of people keep their debts secret from loved ones) and there are plenty of people on here who can help.
Maybe you can explain to him that you do not like receiving these calls and could he arrange for them to call his mobile instead? Maybe if he does have to speak to them it wil give him the kick up the backside he needs in order to get his head out of the sand. A break up of a relationship is hard and so he is probably spending in order to make himself feel better and to go a bit crazy when you're newly single is very common.

Sorry I couldn't help more, once this gets back up to the top of the board I am sure you will get more helpful responses.

Take care

James&Shell

Can Anyone help me we have a few debts and we are trying to sort them with paylan,
The only problem is they have frozen the intrest but we dont get any staements showing what we owe anymore so we are in the dark.

What i want to know is how easy is it to manage the debs themselves?

Also is there any way that some company will redue some of the debt like vodafone, they sold us 1 fones on the account and they instore promised us fhalf price line rental for 6 months,the first bill came and it wasnt on there so i rang tem and they said that it wasnt on the acount but if we go back in to the store the member of staff might remember serving you and the will be able to rectify the problem.

We tried this and they deniyed offering the discount.

Vodafone said we were liable for the account, we have paid them towards the phone calls and because the line rental was in diute they closed the acount and sent us a bill for 18month of line rental.

Is this fair as we are having to pay for 18 months line rental but due to there mes up we are paying for something that we are not recieving.



Please help!

I have only joined this moning so i apologise if i have put this in the wrong place

wattapain

Hi guys - thanks for the replies.
Imelda - yes I agree , getting the loan in my name was not the best idea, but it was the only way at the time as he was well & truly stuffed at the time and it did help for a while.
But yes it's too easy - the empty credit cards call to you don't they?
Been there myself in the past -consolidation loans etc so i really do understand his dilemma. But ( a big BUT) we never missed any payments and we (hubby & me) both have excellent credit ratings and are debt free now ( apart from a small mortgage).
That's the big problem he has - he can't seem to pay his d**n bills on time!!:mad:
I have pointed him to this site - sent him the emails & 'martin's mutterings', bought him the book - tried to get him to do a spending diary, but no use - I have a bruised forehead - banging my head against that wall.
Still thanks for the replies - I guess the answer is what I knew all alaong ie he has to do it himself the painful way. No pain - no gain!!
I just wanted to try to help