Marrying in Kenya

EmandDen_2

Lexxi wrote: »

I'd hate to get married and not have my parents involved. Especially if I had to decieve them until they decided to accept my partner to then throw a fake marriage just for their benefit. I'm sure your parents will have been to other weddings and know a fake wedding.

I am not doing this on purpose!!!! this is killing me now, and im trying to keep everyone happy, and its not easy.
So I am a grown woman now and want to marry him I so desperately do, but I dont want to break mum's heart either, but this seems to be the only way.

I love my man very much indeed and can not stand to be apart from him any longer, but I also love mum very much too..but this is something I have to do.

Dont judge me on it
x

cyclingyorkie

the beach at Watamu would be a fantastic place to get married!

can't offer any practical advice other than make sure all your innoculations are up to date!

brownbabygirl

EmandDen, I hope it works well for you. I can understand your family's concerns. Just be careful. You say YOU are on a tight budget, please make sure you are not the only one finding money to pay for the wedding.

deedee71

OP do you mind me asking how old you are, and also how much time you have spent in Kenya already?

Away from the touristy beaches this is a third world country with the corruption, lawlessness and desperation that comes with abject poverty. I saw women walking along the road completely naked - they were so poor their clothes had fallen apart and they couldn't replace them. Kenya also as a large Somali population and their are often raging riots (with machetes and other weapons) between Kenyas and immigrants coming in taking their jobs etc.

Even if you are not discussing this with family and friends, spend some time researching on the net, maybe even finding an expat forum.

I'm actually quite frightened for you and would be interested to see your answers to my questions.

brownbabygirl

Good questions deedee.

OP, please dont let your feelings for him cloud your judgetment. you say you have been poorly and only get SSP and not in the best position financially. You plan to come back to the UK and save enough by April 2011 to go back and get him. Can HE not shoulder some of the burden to get some money to prepare to get here? I totally understand you mother's concerns. Please be VERY careful....and I speak from experience!

welshmoneylover

Some interesting replies there.

If you are on SSP how do you propose to support him IF he gets a visa? Please don't say he'll get a job, with the current economic climate jobs are hard to come by for Uk people who have good linguistic skills and also qualifications. He won't have anything to offer a prospective employer. I doubt he'll be entitled to benefits either. So, financially you'll probably be a lot worse off than you already are.

It won't be an automatic visa he'll get, you both will probably have to fight tooth and nail for it. Have you googled visa applications? It might give you an idea of what you'll be letting yourself in for.

There are stories where people wait year's for a visa, and then there is no guarantees.

I'm sure you love him and adore him, but remember he comes from a very poor African country where the lure of a British passport is a dream come true for many like him. Make sure he loves you for who you are, and not the passport you carry.

I think your mum is right to hear alarm bells ringing in her head. Don't rush into anything without thinking things through 110%.

welshmoneylover

EmandDen wrote: »

If we are married they cant turn him away can they???

Of course they can!

He'll be refused entry without any proper paperwork and it'll take years to sort out.

EmandDen_2

Wow...
few concerns there..thank you guys....
But I am 29years old. I have been with my fiance for 2 years now, and when I go out to Kenya I stay with his family in his village.
I have been to see him now about 9 times in 2 years, I have been through the rough places,that is totally heart breaking and really disturbs me, and I have been through the lovely parts too.
I can understand everyone with their concerns and I had been like that for a long long time, until we realised this is what we wanted....It wasnt a straight away romance "I love you" im not stupid and I have a very good head on my shoulders.

I am not forking out for everything...he is helping towards the wedding.

When i put I am only getting SSP, I didnt mean I am..I meant i WAS...I am back at work full time.

My fiance is fully trained...he is a welder and my very very good friend owns a welding company, so he told me definatley a job will be waiting for him.

My fiance has got skills.

He is happy in kenya and didnt want to leave at first it was me that talked him into it, as I was too worried leaving the UK...I get very homesick.

My man isnt a "typical Kenyan" just because he is Kenyan doesnt mean he is like ALL the rest...You do find genuine people around, and he is one of them.
He does everything for me and doesnt let me lift a finger, I am his princess.

He loves me and i love him.

If I didnt do this I would think "what if" the rest of my life wouldnt I.

I honestly appreciate all your concerns. Thank you

Emz x

welshmoneylover

EmandDen wrote: »

He does everything for me and doesnt let me lift a finger, I am his princess.

Emz x

Sorry hun, but this statement is ringing alarm bells for me.

All relationships have their ups and downs, so when someone is putting them on a pedestral it sounds as if he doesn't want to upset the apple cart.

Ie, if you call it off, he loses a lot more than you will.

Don't rush into things, perhaps you have some close friends you can talk this over with.

Sammy85_2

I have a friend who is marrying a gentleman from Africa. He is currently in the UK on a working visa as he is a religious minister. It has taken them 6 months to get the paperwork requried for them to get married and they have been seeing each other for 2 years. I think if they had been having a long distance relationship it would have been even more difficult to get the right paperwork to get married.

Please look into the immigration details before you get married. I would hate for you to get married and then find out you couldnt been together unless you went to Africa, you've already said you werent happy about leaving the UK. You could end up where that is the only option if you want to be together.