Change of wedding plans - what to tell guests - please help

Miss_Kitty_Fantastico

My fiance (who suffers from panic attacks) has decided that he can no longer go ahead with our largish wedding.

Initially i thought we would have to cancel and had started to inform friends and family, but after a very open and frank discussion it became apparent that the scale of the wedding was the problem and not our marriage itself.

My question is how do i inform people (without breaking my fiances confidence) that although the wedding is now going ahead it will be only very close family members that attend.

The wedding is the 30th July - so time is off the essence.

Please no judgements - my fiance did not intend to cause hurt or offense but instead was trying to give me the wedding he felt i wanted.

Thanks in advance.

floss2

"Due to unforseen circumstances, we are reducing the size of our wedding party to include immediate family only. We hope you will understand and accept our apologies for any inconvenience caused"

katsmasterplan

I think a phone call would be more personal if you can for most people.
You could always blame it on money or say somethings happened with the venue etc
Or if you could just not give reasons! x

mimosaurus

i like floss' reply but perhaps you if you could offer to visit people as well? i don't think that you 'owe' people anything, but perhaps it would diffuse some of the tension that people might feel?

a phone call would be more personal, but i think a short written message like floss has said would avoid uncomfortable conversations.

i know you said no judgments - but i think your fiance has been very brave to make this decision. hope it all works out well xx

Miss_Ratty

I would just like to say that I totally sympathise, as my fiance and I both suffer from panic disorder. Personally everyone who is attending our day knows that I'm already pretty scared in case I have a panic attack, so it would be easy for us to inform them, however if noone else knows I would probably just say that there were unforseen circumstances (sometimes throwing the word "personal" in there usually makes people aware not to ask anymore). Is it the ceremony or the reception which he finds frightening? We are both petrified of the ceremony bit, where all eyes are on you, but not remotely concerned about the evening reception - which will have more people at it, very bizarre! I think its because we know that after a few glasses of wine, having a boogie when hopefully everyone else will be doing other things will be less pressured.

Have you asked him if he feels maybe its worth a mention to his GP? I had to, and have been prescribed some lowish dose diazepam for the day, but I really don't want to have to take them. I wish you both the best of luck, and I really admire your other half for being open and honest about it with you, as hopefully you can reassure him that you'll only do what you are both comfy with.

Nenen

I like Flossie's reply too, although some previously invited guests may worry that one of you has a serious/terminal illness etc and therefore you might get asked lots of questions.

Would your fianc! still like people to come to an evening reception (if you had one planned) so no speeches or standing on show, or maybe you could add that you hope to throw a celebratory party later in the year if he felt comfortable with that.

If you wanted to be a little more specific without putting your fianc! in the limelight you could say something like,

"In the current economic climate we are aware that many people, including ourselves, are not able to spend large amounts of money organizing or attending formal celebrations. Therefore, (as Flossie said) we are reducing the size of our wedding party to include immediate family only. We hope you will understand and accept our apologies for any inconvenience caused"

frannyann

Nenen wrote: »

"In the current economic climate we are aware that many people, including ourselves, are not able to spend large amounts of money organizing or attending formal celebrations. Therefore, (as Flossie said) we are reducing the size of our wedding party to include immediate family only. We hope you will understand and accept our apologies for any inconvenience caused"

I think this is the perfect answer, if I got that I would be fine about it!

frannyann

Miss_Ratty wrote: »

Have you asked him if he feels maybe its worth a mention to his GP? I had to, and have been prescribed some lowish dose diazepam for the day, but I really don't want to have to take them. I wish you both the best of luck, and I really admire your other half for being open and honest about it with you, as hopefully you can reassure him that you'll only do what you are both comfy with.

Recommend this too, my GP has been very understanding and has prescribed me a low dose beta blocker and low dose anti-depressant both of which work together to stop my anxiety attacks which were caused by a period of ill-health, my GP knew my worries about the wedding were making it worse so has given them to me so I can have the day I wanted.

Miss_Kitty_Fantastico

thanks for all your help

talulahbeige_2

Just an idea. Why not have the ceremony etc really low key as your now planning on doing as I'm guessing thats the bit that is sending your OH into a panic.
Then have the big party afterwards, you'll have paid for it now and you can ask the vene not to make a fuss and introduce you and all that polava.
That way your guests still have a wedding to go to and can help you celebrate but your OH doesnt have to worry