Any thoughts on how to handle this one?!

Jesscat

I have recently been trying to cut the cost on everything after having my lightbulb moment, and on things that I can control i've been doing quite well but having a slight problem with my friends!

When a friend asks me to do something be it going to the pub, go shopping or for a meal whatever, im more than happy to say I cant really afford it and would hope that would be the end of it but in a few cases it just isnt!!
They keep offering to pay and I dont think I should be a charity case as some of these friends earn less than me, so that makes me feel guilty and I end up going and obviously forking out when I did try and had the best intentions of staying in spending nothing

I do sometimes lie and say im working (i work bizarre shifts so can get away with that one) but some of my firends are from work so obviously that wouldnt work!

Just wanted to know how people dealt with these situations or is brutal honesty the best policy???

MinnieSpender

Jesscat - your friends are important and if they're true friends you should be able to be honest and tell them the truth.

However, I would say that you do need a certain amount of "rewards" when you're fighting debt. Could you budget for a couple of nights out a month? It doesn't have to be expensive and at least you'll keep up the friendships.

Would it be possible to have girls' nights in? Say, once a month invite them over for a DVD/video, home made snacks and they all bring a bottle?

rog2

It is difficult, and it sounds as if you have some good friends. I am sure you would do the same if the situation were reversed.
Why not keep a few bottles of cheap plonk at home and when they invite you out, invite them to yours for a drink, or a meal, instead? Chances are they will still bring a bottle, but that would be normal and not considered an act of charity.

chevalier

I gather that sometimes it is easier to say that you are saving fs or something, eg to make an extra payment on your mortgage, or saving for a special holiday is more effective than just saying your skint...

debbycatz

Hi Jess

I have this problem too but I have just had my first couple of months of Money Saving and I now have money in my budget to go out so I feel better now. Having said that, now that I have a bit of 'entertainment' money - nobody has asked me anywhere......typical eh !! :mad:

Could you suggest meeting up quite late in the evening with them - sometimes my friend and I go out around 9pm and just buy a round each, which is enough 'cos we spend so long catching up on the gossip that we drink less

I do think you should include something in your budget for going out but I appreciate it can't be much and it's difficult once you've had your night out and that money is gone then until next month.

tallerbird

It's good that your friends are so understanding, they should also understand if you tell them that you don't feel comfortable with letting them pay.
I always find that inviting them over for a bottle of wine works well. Also when i am very skint and i am planning on doing something like a carboot sale, I will invite a couple of friends to help me sell all my stuff. We have a great time and make a bit of money.

Emmzi

I try and share out my freebies- free cinema previews, pigsback dinners, 2 for1 deals- around my friends. If they want to reciprocate sometimes, mainly cos they haven't been organised enough with vouchers themselves, it's up to them and I say 'thanks'!

HappyIdiotTalk

If it were me and I couldn't budget a night out then I would invite them round to my home instead and cook them a nice meal, and ask them to bring a bottle of wine along. This is a nice way to side step the issue and gives them an alternative.

If they do accept, and you like Italian, I could send you some notes on making a dish that looks great, tastes fantastic, is very very easy to make (anyone could make it) and it would only take you about 25 minutes to make from start to finish! And best of all, would only cost you about £3 or £4 to serve 4 people. If your interested let me know.

Mrs_Sparkle

You have nice friends. I must admit that I sometimes tell fibs and say I have to work late/do paperwork/see my mum to avoid nights out and I wouldn't be comfortable in letting friends pay for me. People have made good suggestions here about inviting your friends round for a meal instead- sociable but cheap!

tesuhoha

I tried saying that I couldnt afford to go to the staff social event this summer and I was accused of being anti-social and mean. I ended up going because I felt that I did not want to be labelled.

HappyIdiotTalk

tesuhoha wrote:

I tried saying that I couldnt afford to go to the staff social event this summer and I was accused of being anti-social and mean. I ended up going because I felt that I did not want to be labelled.

Peer pressure! Bummer. I had same problem. However we used to go to pubs out in the country and collected for a kitty. £20 was plenty for the whole night, which I considered cheap... And this only happened once or twice a year so wasn't breaking the bank.