Advice needed re helping son out!

gilly41

Hi
My 20 year old son is going in to his 3rd year at Uni next month. He doesnt actually live with me----he has lived with my ex, his dad, for the last 3 years. Long story, but when he turned 17 he thought it would be better living there as dad was happy for him to come and go as he pleased LOL(another long story but at that point his dad had recently become single again and he was pleased to have his son living there for company!).My son has just returned from 8 weeks in America and has made a decent amount to take back to uni with him----so along with his £4000 year loan it will help---and then he will get himself a part time job through the Uni job centre(hopefully---he has managed it every year so far!).His dad is never at the house now so my son keeps moaning to me that there is no food in!!!! He has quite a few meals at our house but when he goes to get himself a food shop I always feel I should be helping him out!! Do you think this is just a mum thing? I think if he lived here i would be buying extra food for him and not charging him as he is still a student. My OH thinks if i help him out it is just giving him more drink money for when he gets back to Uni!!!!
What does everyone think? My son does really have a good life as he has his dads house to himself(obviously dad pays for all bills etc) and he can come and go as he pleases. I wouldnt want him living back here now and he definately wouldnt want to come back!
Thanks for any advice.
x

Imelda

Hi gilly,

Wow your son is lucky, all that money to spend on himself, no bills etc! I wouldn't give him anymore cash but maybe just let him know that he is welcome round anytime for meals and maybe send him off home with a food parcel.

david_hellier

As a parent you will do this forever, regardless of their income. We always do it; we will always do it. It's just love.

shayshay

My mother inlaw has a habit of dropping us a food parcel every now and then or if there are staff offers where she works (waitrose). We are not cash rich by any means and have debts but she does it because she wants to and if she gets a buy one get one free chances are her and the hubby wont utilise both so may as well give to her fav son-in-law.

Smashing

There are other ways to show your love other than handing over cash - phone calls, letters, food parcels etc.
You could advise him about budgeting, make him up a little booklet of recipes, get him round in the holidays and give him a few cookery lessons - use your imagination.

Sallys_Savings

Definitely a mum thing lol

gilly41

Hi
Sorry I meant to add that out of that money he has rent to pay at Uni of £60 per week from September to June---so he doesnt really have a lot of spare cash. He lives with his dad in the holidays.I didnt make it very clear---he also has food etc at uni(and beer money LOL)
Thanks for all the replies so far!
x

msmicawber

I would, in your position, especially since he's good about working and trying to keep his debts down. Maybe it is a Mum thing, but I don't care. So what if it allows him to have a few beers?

cattie1

yeah i agree woth the food parcel idea, whenever you see a bogof get 1 for you one for your son or you could but him a shop card/vouchers to use that way you know it's not being spent on beer but he has the ability to get himself a decent food shop when needed.

crawley_girl

cattie1 wrote:

yeah i agree woth the food parcel idea, whenever you see a bogof get 1 for you one for your son or you could but him a shop card/vouchers to use that way you know it's not being spent on beer but he has the ability to get himself a decent food shop when needed.

The problem with that is that all supermarkets sell beer!

I think the best idea has been mentioned already. Food parcels, invitations to dinner and BOGOFs -but only for useful items!!! My dad used to do this at Christmas from Boots - usually the 3 for 2 offers, 1 for mum, 1 for sister and 1 for me... I ended up with men's deo and shower gels so many times it turned into a running joke!

When I was at university my parents gave me £20 a week to buy food, everything else I had to budget and pay for and that included me working 20 hrs per week at Tesco for the 3 years. I know that that £20 was not easy for them and I made sure that I used that for food and my own money for fun and frolics!! Oh and that of the banks and credit cards!!!

I think it is a parent thing, Gilly, cos my mum and dad still make me up food parcels even though I have not been a student for 6 years now and live 10 miles up the road! My dad still tries to chuck a tenner at me when he sees me, which isn't that often! He even came and repainted my bedroom with me a few months ago and din't want any money for it so I popped down to Asda and spent £40 on shirts and tee-shirts for him. He thought I'd spent a fortune but hadn't cos of the bargain George prices!!

Anyhow, I wander from the original point... food parcels and invitations to dinner is the way forward

:heartpuls CG :heartpuls

nearlyrich

I would help him out if he was mine, my two both get money from me each month including the holidays even when they are working to get some cash together for next year.

If he was living with you you would be keeping him so a few quid for a shop is probably going to cost you less, I usually do a shop once a term with my son and pay for some of the expensive but boring stuff like washing powder etc.

If you can afford it go for it, you will know he isn't starving then.