what are my options?

clearingout

My ex and I went through a lengthy divorce and court battle for the residency of the children. A shared care arrangement is in place, by Consent and is signed and sealed by the court.

Two weeks ago the ex gave me 2 days notice that he was 'going away on business' for 2 weeks (yes, another holiday with the girlfriend, possibly ex girlfriend, who knows?!). The expectation was that I would take over the care of the children whilst he was away. I asked him, during those 2 days notice, to make arrangements for the daytime care of the younger two in his time so that I could continue to work. I asked via email, text and face to face. All ignored.

I work in the times that he has the children and as I don't need childcare because they are with him, I do not retain a childminder (nor could I afford to, frankly, just to cover his holidays and as I have only 14 hours work a week, I can't claim Tax Credits to help - two children are not yet in school). I am self-employed so have some flexiblity in when I work but I do need to get into my client's office on a regular basis which I can't do with two/three children in tow! I have just worked out my invoicing for the time the ex is away and am horrified to realise that I will earn less than half what I normally earn during that time. I struggle as it is and will simply not be able to pay a number of bills next month now. Ex doesn't pay child maintenance and whilst I appreciate the 'well it's shared care, why should he?' argument, ex is on far, far more money than I am and the small amount he would pay (as he has lied to the CSA about what he earns - he's also self employed, ltd company) is a drop in the ocean to him but would make all the difference to me. He does not pay for, nor make any contribution to, any essentials including school uniforms, haircuts, shoes, school trips, etc - despite the shared care situation.

He has family locally and he did not ask them to help me out (and wouldnt' help me out if I approached them personally - have tried that one in the past). I do not have family locally.

It feels to me that this 'business trip' is a challenge and if I'm not careful, will set the tone for the future.

What are my options? Given the Consent Order and evidence I asked him to find childcare, could I make a claim for lost earnings through Small Claims?

borders_dude

Im surprised such scenarios werent given full and proper consideration a long time ago.

Such as how much notice he gives and what the care arrangments would be and who would take care of any bill for child care.

clearingout

it's a fair point. In my defence, this is the first time it has happened - when he has had holidays previously I was on maternity leave and not working so didn't really have a leg to stand on in terms of caring for the children. As I have been back at work some months now, things have changed - assuming he is 'on business', it is a new thing for him and yes, we'll have to work it out into the future. However, I suspect it's a holiday and he's probably known for weeks/months but kept quiet because I'd have had something to say about it given the maintenance situation!

The problem is is that he's of the ilk where he'll do what he wants and try and turn it all round on me. So his argument in this case will be well, they're you're children, you should care for them and try and make me out to care about nothing other than money. He's clever, in some ways, and hard to argue with.

Possibly I need to go back to the solicitor....

PlayingHardball

Have you asked him if he'll pay for childcare during his 2 weeks away? If he can't see your point and plans to take you for granted, you may just have to go back to the solicitors to clarify this situation as I'm sure this won't be the first time it happens.

My ex never communicated with me about our holidays and would also think it was okay to make himself unavailable on a weekend where he had my DD, never discussing this with me, which would force me to change my plans (if I had any). After several summers of not knowing when I could book a holiday, I got to the point last year where I went ahead and booked flights for my partner and my daughter to go on holiday, the ex was livid because he had already booked flights for my DD to be somewhere else with him! We had our holiday and it was lovely-also DD got to see what Dad was like because she and I kept nagging him to make arrangements with me to avoid a clash! - some guys just don't get it.

I think you just need to give him the opportunity to resolve the problem he is creating for you.

clearingout

yep - he was asked to pay for childcare if he couldn't arrange it - met with a blank wall. The problem with that approach is you can't just have childcare for two weeks unless you're very lucky and have a childminder who will keep a space available for you - many will do adhoc if they have the space (in my experience, the good ones don't have the space!) but I don't think it's a good approach for the children, to go to someone they don't really know for two weeks and then never see them again!

Ho hum. Am going to have to give this some serious thought!