hello, and mindset help!

vodkabarbie

Hi there all

I'm in a bit of an odd situation with my debt.
I live with my partner and we own a flat together (hoping to get married next year).
He earns a lot more than me we pay a proportionate amount into a joint account for mortgage, bills and food. This system is fair and it works and with trial and error we normally stay round about on budget!

The problem is that I am hopeless with my personal spending.
After the bills and stuff are paid, I still need to pay out for my travel, pet insurance, mobile bill and debt repayments . This then leaves me £200 a month for snacks ,magazines, clothes, going out etc.

The "lightbulb moment" for me came when I renegotiated my loan two months ago, I got a lower interest rate but realised I in effect have not cut my debt as my bills and overdraft have crept up and up! We are getting married and I don't want to continue in this situation for ever.

I've done a detailed budget but I just don't seem to be able to stick to it. I always feel either that I am having no fun or treats or that I end up sponging off my partner or friends (for example if we go for a meal) if I say I can't afford it. I feel especially bad with my fiance as he bears the brunt of costs due to my debts as it is

How can I change my mindset and actually stick to my budget and think like a DFW? I hope people don't mind me looking for moral support on here...

lazy&indebt

Of course nobody minds you looking for moarl support! But I would say, if you are fiding it that hard tostick to your budget because you feel like you aren't treating yourself, maybe you haven't quite had your LBM yet? I went through this, I knew I had debt - it wasn't even a lot of debt to be fair but i wanted to pay if off but could not stick to a budget, then one day it just hit me and I've been DFW ever since! Sorry i haven't helped much but it will happen, trust me xx

vodkabarbie

I hope so! I am going to try the planner on here and also try writing down all the little things I spend - have a habit of cash disappearing on small things...I just feel like I have no willpower! But I was so depressed at not having cleared any debt - I thought I'd been all sensible with the consolidation loan - so that should help my motivation (and the guilt!)

sgx.saint

Maybe reduce the amount you spend on 'you' as much as possible and reward yourself say every three months with something you want i.e. an expensive pair of shoes etc? ....

Gives you something to look forward for and makes your effort feel worthwhile.

Molanole

Hi there vodkabarbie. Welcome to the DFW board. I agree with lazy in that you might be having a 40 watt LBM. A few of us on here would love to have 200 pcm miscellaneous bits and bobs but just can't justify it ourselves.

What I suggest you do is try and coax the 100 watt LBM along by keeping a spending diary. This will help you see where that 200 quid goes on bits and bobs and you will be able to see how much is frittered away. A spending diary will also give you a much more realistic start for putting your full budget together and then you'll be ready to post your SOA on here so that the DFW nerds can get to work and help you with ideas on where to cut back.

Also try having a look at the snowball calculator (I'll see if I can find a link and come back to edit my post in a bit). This will give you a much better steer on whether your 2010 target is achievable and will give you goals to aim for.

Anyway, welcome once again and good luck with your debt free journey!

david_hellier

You say your arrangement is fair but in reality it is not. If you are under the same roof and are both earning, you should share your income. A large differential in pay causes underlying resentment. Also if you work out a budget together you will feel more committed.

Good luck.

debbycatz

I find that if I divide up what's left over after all my monthly bills into weekly amounts, it works better. I don't have a great deal left per month (£120) but I choose to take this as a weekly amount of £30 out of my bank in cash every Friday. Having it in cash helps me to physically keep my eye on it, and less willing to part with and having it weekly means I don't have to wait go too long with that feeling of 'having no money'.

vodkabarbie

thanks for some tips and encouragement - I'm definitely going to try the spending diary (started today...)
I know I'm not badly off which is what makes me so cross with myself!
davidhellier, I know what you are saying - thing is my SO pays a lot more towards everything than me, more than compensating for my debt payments. Also all the debts predate him and so I feel bad lumbering him for any of it!

vodkabarbie

OK, so I've done the snowball calculator and I'm on the right track - make my loan payments, chuck as much as possible at the credit card, then work on the overdraft. At least I feel I'm doing things in an OK order.
I have however realised I am overspending by about £200 a month - given that my income is 1300 that's a huge amount

It's not fun facing up to quite how spendthrift I am, and it all goes on clothes, beauty and socialising and eating out.

I feel very depressed now - but determined to sort this out - I've got 2 weeks till payday and £35 and am determined to make it last!

wishiwasarichgirl

just a thought but why not post your spending diary on here (if its not too embarassing or anything!) you might find that people can give you tips on getting the same things for less or advice on how to cut down on stuff you're spending regularly on.

also agree with debbycatz, i am much less inclined to buy something if i have to use cash rather than plastic. if i know i can only spend a certain amount in a week i'll just keep the cash in my purse and leave all cards at home.

good luck:T

vodkabarbie

I definitely think withdrawing cash is a good idea!
I'm thinking of taking it out and putting it in envelopes at the beginning of the month, labelled with the thing it is for....I will let you know how I get on.
To be honest I have no idea if my spending is embarrasing as I have no idea where it all goes....probably in the pub, sadly!