Partner still on a mortgage with his ex

Conrad

clairetelche1 wrote: »

He's not shafted the ex (who didn't treat him very well) so I'm fairly confident that he wouldn't do it to me.

You know I meet a lot of divorcees and not one of them ever say anything other than they have been mistreated. No doubt thier other halves say the exact same thing!;)

Imagine her post on here right now - " my ex mistreated me"!

clairetelche1

Haha - point taken. I have known him for forever though and knew about his personal life long before we even thought about getting together! I know there are always two sides to every story and I take some of his moans with a pinch of salt like everyone should.

However, even the ex should be able to see she's done quite well out of all this. She has a house fully decorated to her tastes and its entire contents yet is still quibbling about the 5%. I just feel that it's all dragged on for long enough and we know that she has the funds available and is simply dragging her heels.

Person_one

clairetelche1 wrote: »

Haha - point taken. I have known him for forever though and knew about his personal life long before we even thought about getting together! I know there are always two sides to every story and I take some of his moans with a pinch of salt like everyone should.

However, even the ex should be able to see she's done quite well out of all this. She has a house fully decorated to her tastes and its entire contents yet is still quibbling about the 5%. I just feel that it's all dragged on for long enough and we know that she has the funds available and is simply dragging her heels.

She also has a mortgage to pay all by herself that she thought she'd be sharing. Don't forget that.

E3N

This is going to sound quite stupid but I know someone that went through this kind of mess for years and this is what he did and it worked: He had a Key to the house and while she was out at work he let in two estate agents to provide a valuation and placed the home on the market (no for sale signs were put up). He made copies of his key and gave them to the agents and stated to and from days/times they could enter the home for buyer viewings. Well, yes you guessed it one of the viewers agreed to buy and ball was in motion until there second visit was met by his partner because she received a letter with the offer.

He signed to agree the sale and a Solicitor sent his letter to his partner stating she would have to attend his office to sign and agree the terms of sale. Of course she refused to sign and then legal proceedings commenced while she tried doing him for trespass, it was classic as he was a joint owner and thus no trespass case to be answered. She was seen as difficult and the Judge forced the sale with relevant evidence of failed negotiations with in mind that they were no longer together and the offer price was inline with the current market value.

Last resort of course!

clairetelche1

Person_one wrote: »

She also has a mortgage to pay all by herself that she thought she'd be sharing. Don't forget that.

I haven't forgoten that at all - I've already stated that I don't want to push her out of the home but the split had been coming for a long time, he did pay his half for 6 months ater he left and she's now had over a year to sort a lodger/move/arrange a longer term (and therefore cheaper mortgage...)

There aren't any children involved (if there were the situation would be very different and we'd be giving even more le-way) and in reality if people split they have to change their living arrangements. He had offered to buy her out but she wanted to stay in the house. Great if she can afford it but if not then she needs to accept that and move on.

E3N - I'm so glad your friend got sorted but what a shame it had to come to that! I'm a fan of amicable splits and trying to keep things civil but I can forsee us having to be more forceful so will definitely keep that in mind!!

Person_one

clairetelche1 wrote: »

I haven't forgoten that at all - I've already stated that I don't want to push her out of the home but the split had been coming for a long time, he did pay his half for 6 months ater he left and she's now had over a year to sort a lodger/move/arrange a longer term (and therefore cheaper mortgage...)

There aren't any children involved (if there were the situation would be very different and we'd be giving even more le-way) and in reality if people split they have to change their living arrangements. He had offered to buy her out but she wanted to stay in the house. Great if she can afford it but if not then she needs to accept that and move on.

E3N - I'm so glad your friend got sorted but what a shame it had to come to that! I'm a fan of amicable splits and trying to keep things civil but I can forsee us having to be more forceful so will definitely keep that in mind!!

So you and your partner have been together for a year and a half (as you say in your op) but his ex has only had over a year to sort out her living arrangements?

Is the year since he stopped paying half the mortgage or since he moved out, either way I think I'm realising why she might be resistant to helping the two of you out. The timescales are a bit tight aren't they?!

clairetelche1

Yes - the timescales are quite tight. He left and we got together pretty much straight away. He didn't leave for me and we'd never discussed getting together before he left. However, as I also stated, we've known each other (in a completely platonic sense) for years, it felt right, we went for it and are very happy. There was no affair - just to make it clear.

I don't really feel the need to justify myself any further. We've been together some time, want to make a commitment together and I was just after some advice about how to move things on - I think having over a year to sort living arrangements when you're childless and in full time employment is ample. Also - my partner is paying me 'board / rent' and we'd both prefer to have things on a more equal footing - and he'd understandably like to live somewhere he can call his own. As much as I/we think of and refer to my house as 'ours', it's not and we'd like that to change.

ninky_2

clairetelche1 wrote: »

Hi - I do understand where you're coming from and neither of us are going into this with rose tinted specs on. However, his history and the current situation indicate that he wouldn't shaft me financially. He's not shafted the ex (who didn't treat him very well) so I'm fairly confident that he wouldn't do it to me.

Just after any thoughts from anyone who's maybe been in a similar position - is there anything we can do at this point other than wait it out and trust the solicitor to chase the ex???

you'd be surprised what people can do when someone new comes on the scene. very often their behaviours are dependent on how reasonable the new party is. he might not be shafting his ex because you are not pressurising him to do so. but if you were less reasonable perhaps he would act slightly differently?

Person_one

clairetelche1 wrote: »

Yes - the timescales are quite tight. He left and we got together pretty much straight away. He didn't leave for me and we'd never discussed getting together before he left. However, as I also stated, we've known each other (in a completely platonic sense) for years, it felt right, we went for it and are very happy. There was no affair - just to make it clear.

I don't really feel the need to justify myself any further. We've been together some time, want to make a commitment together and I was just after some advice about how to move things on - I think having over a year to sort living arrangements when you're childless and in full time employment is ample. Also - my partner is paying me 'board / rent' and we'd both prefer to have things on a more equal footing - and he'd understandably like to live somewhere he can call his own. As much as I/we think of and refer to my house as 'ours', it's not and we'd like that to change.

You don't need to justify yourself, it doesn't matter what I think does it? But maybe all this would be better coming from your partner rather than you, she may well be resentful of any demands coming from you and while it may well be true that nothing was going on before the break up and it was coincidental that you got together immediately after it, she probably doesn't believe it.

clairetelche1

ninky wrote: »

you'd be surprised what people can do when someone new comes on the scene. very often their behaviours are dependent on how reasonable the new party is. he might not be shafting his ex because you are not pressurising him to do so. but if you were less reasonable perhaps he would act slightly differently?[/QUOTE]

I see your point - but I don't actually want her shafting (admitedly if he was to get some equity money it'd help towards our plans but it's only money at the end of the day and not worth causeing trouble over ) and I'm not really the 'putting pressure on' type. I just want it sorting with the minimum of fuss so that we can move on.

Qoute: You don't need to justify yourself, it doesn't matter what I think does it? But maybe all this would be better coming from your partner rather than you, she may well be resentful of any demands coming from you and while it may well be true that nothing was going on before the break up and it was coincidental that you got together immediately after it, she probably doesn't believe it.

Honesttly - I can see how this looks, that I'm a pushy woman etc but I'm not. All of this has come from him, he went to the solicitors etc. The only 'demand' I've made is that he started the ball roling oficially as the 'wait and see/give it time' route obviously wasn't working. We just want a fresh start and after all this time I think we should be entitled to that.