Am I mad ?

paper_clip

I will try and keep this short

back story:

OH spent 3 years in uni training as a nurse when kids were young while I worked, he then got a job and I took a break from work and had another baby. Few years later hubby gets assaulted at work and ends up disabled and without a job and unable to continue on his chosen career path. I went back to work whilst all this was happening to keep the roof over our head etc. Hubby had a long break and eventually has gone back to uni to re train but has to pay all the fees himself, he does get a tuition fee loan and a small maintainance grant. I still work 20 hours a week in a job I hate and for crap money, we get working tax credit and small amount of ctc and still have 3 kids at home.

The crux of it is after OH having the luxury of 2 shots at uni I am still waiting for my turn
It hasnt been by design its just the way things have worked out, I feel kind of trapped in the job that I do as I am not actually qualified and fell into my position by accident, given that I have no 'on paper' quals I think it would be difficult to get past a first sift for another job, that coupled with a degenerative back/neck problem leave me feeling father stuck job wise. I really feel like I just want to jack in the job and go to college. The course I am looking at is a level 2 btec to get me started, perhaps moving on to an FD a year later.
Its 13 hours a week and wouldnt fit in with my current working hours but I dont want to wait forever as I am 38 this year.

i have no idea what benefits we would be entitled to if both of us were students so would I be crazy to just go for it anyway or should I wait another 2 years for OH to be bringing in some money?

pimento

Did your OK get any compensation for his injury?

paper_clip

I dont really see what that has to do with my question but yes, after a 7 year ordeal with the CICA he did finally get a compensation award, but the amount was pitiful in comparison to what he has lost so most of that has either gone already or is spoken for.

Oldernotwiser

What subject so you want to study for your Foundation Degree - have you looked to see if it's offered by the OU?

I completely understand how unfair this seems to you but could you wait until your husband has finished his degree before you start yours?

Googlewhacker

paper_clip wrote: »

I dont really see what that has to do with my question but yes, after a 7 year ordeal with the CICA he did finally get a compensation award, but the amount was pitiful in comparison to what he has lost so most of that has either gone already or is spoken for.

It could have alot to do with it because some benefits will be means tested.

Is your husband now working? If so then I would say definately go for it, if not I would still say go for it but prepared for things to be tighter and also start looking for another part time job to fit around it

Can your husband not work part time as well as studying?

mum2one

Def agree go down the Open Uni route, I on my 5th course, and its flexible enought that you can pick the books up as and when, obviously there are time scales to be met, but with your income it sounds like you will most prob get the full course grant - link to open uni

www.open.ac.uk

at a rough est

30 point course - est 8hrs a week
60 point course - est 16hrs a week,

but everyone studies at different levels and time, some courses I flew through others, I'm aiming for a BA Hons Business, next level to achoeve Dipolma in Business, and Foundation Degree in Business.

If u any help - re site etc just pm and if I can help I will xx

pimento

paper_clip wrote: »

I dont really see what that has to do with my question ...

I was going to suggest you claimed it. Sorry.

SarEl

Not being a psychiatrist, I couldn't possibly comment on your mental state. But to me, you sound angry - mad or not! And possibly with some reason. It's often the "woman's lot" to end up with the dorky job that fits around all "her" other responsibilities, and three decades of "equal opportunities" hasn't really changed much for women. And it sounds to me like you think you are the text book example.

In other words, it isn't insane to want to go out and do something for yourself. Life's thrown you more than a few curve balls, and it isn't fair. But then, it never is. I can't really give you a lot of advice on the benefits position etc., but I can say that you should follow your instincts. If you have had enough of what and where you are in life at the moment, then that isn't going to get any better. "Being sensible" rarely makes people happy. Your husband has had "two chances" at uni, and that's fair enough, especially given the circumstances, which aren't altogether of his choosing. But that doesn't mean you have to be the "second choice" when it comes to taking opportunities. If you resent it now, and it sounds that no matter how much you try not to, there is some resentment there, you'll carry on doing so. And that doesn't bode well for the future - yours or your family.

So perhaps instead of thinking about this as "am I mad", perhaps you should be saying "I want and need to do this, and how do we, as a family, make this happen?" Where there is a will there's a way.

paper_clip

OU would have been perfect but unfortunatley no, they dont do much in the way of photography other than one module, the level 2 course I have found is an ideal introduction to the field which will help me decide if I want to head down the commercial or fine art route. Technically I could wait but my frustration with my job is reaching breaking point and I can feel it draining the life force from me. I have always had a philosophy that anything in your life that brings you down you should change, however circumstances over the last few years have meant that feeding and housing my family was a tad more important than my own happiness. now that I am almost mortgage and debt free I wanna just say sod em all and go for it but not sure how they wil all like being hungry :P

paper_clip

Sorry- I didnt take the comment about compensation the wrong way but I can see how my response could give that impression, please accept my apologies. I wasnt really angling for benefit advice, just wanted to know if I was being mental for not really caring about how hungry we would all be!!!

SarEL - I am not angry, many would be but I am quite acceptant of the fact that couples/families do what they must to survive in this world and I am not the only one who has made sacrifices. My quandry is more fuled by the fact that in my younger days I never knew what direction I wanted to take and could never settle on a subject that I was interested in enought to want to study further. Now that I have decided what it is I want to do its so much harder when life gets in the way. My mother waited until her late forties to study, she did really well and then died suddenly aged just 51 and A good friend of mine has just attempted suicide (thankfully didnt succeed) due to depression and it just kinda opened my eyes to all the things in life that make excuses for not achieving. I really want to throw caution to the wind but I am also devoted to my family so I hope you can see why I cant decide what to do.

Maxjessdru

Hi paperclip

Instead of OU, please try OCA (open college of arts) website. I am currently studying with them (for a fine art degree) and they offer a wide range of art, photography and other courses, all of which are done at home in your own time with distance support from a personal tutor. You do not need any prior exams to start at OCA. Most courses are considerably cheaper then going through a standard uni (approx £650 per course) with the same struture as OU courses (3 at level 1, 2 at level 2 and 2 at level 3). You also get tuition for two years per course so easily fits round other commitments you have. Good luck!