Putting on a brave face

stickytoffeepudding

So, just about to send CCCS our first payment, made new tighter holes in belts!
The one thing I can't do is share our problems with family/friends. But sooner or later they are going to notice that things have changed.
What do I do/say?

Smashing

stickytoffeepudding wrote:

So, just about to send CCCS our first payment, made new tighter holes in belts!
The one thing I can't do is share our problems with family/friends. But sooner or later they are going to notice that things have changed.
What do I do/say?

Can you tell us a bit more about your situation - what makes you feel you cannot share with family/friends? Do you fear being judged?

At the end of the day, you don't have to share anything if you don't wish to - what exactly are people going to notice? You don't have to justify your actions to anyone. Being in debt is not something to be in great shame about - we make mistakes, balls up etc. The only thing that matters right now is that you are taking action to resolve things. There's always people that like to add their pennyworth or have well-meaning advice but as long as you are doing what is right for you, ultimately that's all that matters.

That said, if you feel that they could be a support (problem shared and all that jazz) then by all means, utilise the help and understanding you could receive.

stickytoffeepudding

The DMP gives us next to nothing to socialise on!
Don't get me wrong, we are not the out every night types, but even spending £20 last week at a friends leaving meal made me feel really guilty, and events like that can't be postponed can they?!
I think I worry that people will just feel sorry for me!

Janey51

Hi stickytoffeepudding.
I found it easier to tell a couple of my close friends about our situation although I haven't told my Mum yet. Of course she knows we are short;) but I just tell her we are saving hard so I can retire early.
Close true friends will just want to support you. Of course they were shocked at first but now I have people I can discuss the debt problem with. When its just you or you and partner, it can get very claustrophobic.
And they now suggest things we can do cheaply....bottle of wine and a pizza at home instead of a night at the Indian.
I'm not ashamed to admit they have treated me to a couple of meals out as well.
Good friends will love you whatever your life throws up. As for the rest...you don't have to tell them anything, what about saying you are saving up for a holiday or new car?

loubie_lou

Here here Janey51! I completely agree as to what you are saying although I wish I could tell people about how much debt I'm in! My parents would be ashamed of me, but oh well I'm trying to do something about it!

Don't worry OP. There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel for all of us even tho it may seem very dim at the moment!!

LL xx

:money:

frankie1_2

I'm on my second month of my DMP and it is really tough to manage.
The children notice it most as virtually all of their 'treats' have stopped overnight and we also have no social life to speak of now as we have not spoken of our problems to anyone.

You are facing & addressing your problems through your DMP which will eventually end sometime in the future. I hope your creditors are not too pushy as this can also be stressful
Good luck, there is plenty of support on this site, with people who have experienced the same feelings as yourself

Jolinar

It is tough at first, learning to live on a budget is something many of us have never done before after all. I remember my first interview with CCCS and was astonished I wasn't allowed much for myself, I think the lady took pity on me and let me have £15 per month for hobbies lol.

Bottom line is it is noones business but your own, I find that the prior engagement excuse works wonders for things like work meals etc, or just say things are a bit tight this month, vary the excuses of course For family it's a bit harder but like someone else said just tell them you're saving up for the future.

Nothing is forever, 1 year into my DMP I feel much better off, more in control and I know by 2009 I'll be debt free and can start planning for the future

Good luck.

stickytoffeepudding

What a great bunch you are!
So many nails hit squarely on the head!
Within reason I have always allowed DS's a free reign to try out different things - to my way of thinking in the long term it may keep them off the church green when the hormones strike! Now I'm trying to restrict their activities but find it difficult saying 'we can't afford it' without them feeling guilty for asking in the first place (eldest is very sensitive to this sort of thing!) OH and I don't have any hobbies as such - I have always worked shifts and we ferry the kids round a lot!!! Socialising has generally always been done as a family or individually with respective work colleagues.
According to CCCS we should be debt free by 2012. I just feel that these are the years when we should be enjoying our family life - I guess I'm going to have to re-think how we do that.
On the positive side, a lot of the phone calls have stopped already and I'm beginning to calm down a bit. This site is a big help - Thanks again!
:T

dolly_day_dream

You don't say how old your children are but I am assuming they are pre-teen cos the hormones haven't kicked in yet. I know it is a cliche but the best thing you can give them is time. As a teacher I have seen the difference that giving time to a child makes. I encouraged my own childen to bring their friends home and we could do activities here. No expensive ones just fun things. Cooking is brilliant because so few children do it at home. - boys just love making their own pizza. You can make crafts from so many different things the garden is a place of wonder with a magnifying glass. There are just so many ideas when you start. I can pm you with loads others if you want. I know it is hard but at least you are making a move in the right direction - huggs.