Pregnancy's Best Kept Secrets

Penny_Watcher

(In "T'olden days" you were given an enema as prior to being induced.)

That there can be sound effects when the episiotomy (sp?) is made.

That weeing on your episiotomy stitches hurts like a b*tch!!!! :eek: Imagine having barbed wire pulled through your lady's bits. It was almost 24 years ago and it still makes my eyes water thinking about it. I mentioned it to the midwives who gave me some lovely medicine to make my wee less acidic. Phew - what a relief!!

That morning sickness can last 9 months and it can be in the afternoon and evening as well.

That piles can get worse after the baby has been born. Even though with baby #2 it was a long and difficult labour, it was the piles that were the worst and most long lasting side effect. The midwife was very impressed with my bunch of grapes and even called her colleague to have a look. Gee - thanks ladies.

That walking after a c-section can feel really weird. I felt that I had to hold my belly all the time because it felt as though if I let go all my insides would come tumbling out.

That you'd still look quite pregnant after the baby has been born. Escaped to the paper shop a couple of days after DS1's birth to be greeted by a neighbour who said "Bet you'll be glad when that baby's born." Didn't like to say the baby was curled up fast asleep in his Dad's arms at home. Hmmmmm... I put it down to my impressively huge boobage and wearing a large mans shirt (all that I could fit around my chest at the time).

That you can get stoned out of your tiny brain on gas and air.

That you genuinely feel that you will never want to have sex again if this is what happens to you 9 months later.

That within a year or so you would have forgotten about how you swore blind that you would never, EVER have anymore children and you would be looking forward to having a new baby. :rolleyes:

Lillibet_2

Just thought of 2 more things to add........

Having a baby with a head the size of Wales so he gets bloody stuck & you have to go into theater for a ventouse extraction ( or "a Dyson delivery" as hubby kept describing it), OK except started out with 4 staff in theater & they bolted the doors next to me which I came in through, there I am with my feet somewhere over my shoulders & when things got a bit dicy & they called for extra help 11 more staff troop in one by one through the doors at your feet. "Hello Mrs Evans, I'm Fred" they would say to my bits. Meanwhile the anethestist was trying to get Hubby to focus on his breathing in order not to pass out:rolleyes:

Hubby, having successfully made it trough the Dyson delivery going over to meet Spud for the first time at the babbypoint thingy where they do all the checks, whilst consultant finsihes off....well, whatever he was doing to me, Hubby turns around to tell me about Spud, gets birds eye view of the bits he avoided throught labour by staying at my head end & instead of telling me about my beautiful healthy baby boy, he goes a pale shade of white & says "bloody hell, it looks like there's been a channel tunnel massacre between your legs!"

Being in HDU all drowsy and vaguley happy with myself 4 hours after the birth with a contetedly sleeping Spud, then finding that I have bleed copious amounts EVERYWHERE so press button for nurse to help me & change bed...which nurse do I get? Huubys ex-girlfreind who insists on also removing my catheter:o:o:o:o:o

sali_mali

Well thanks ladies, I'm now celibate! :rotfl:

I was told you forget all of that as soon as you see your baby but obviously not! Congratulations to you all. :T I knew women were the stronger sex for a reason! Can you imagine a bloke trying to go through that? :rolleyes:

Penny_Watcher

sali_mali wrote:

Can you imagine a bloke trying to go through that? :rolleyes:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

tifnstav

Oh sweet abstinence!
I'm joining one of those American teenage no sex cult things! Hope they'll let me in at my age.

Raksha

Oh - the sound effects with the episiotomy - that crunching noise - I can't joint a chicken without thinking about it......
That sometimes, your belly just can't stretch enough to accomodate your baby, and the nerves in the belly go into overdrive and your entire tummy tingles and is irritated by the slightest touch from about 32 weeks onwards - almost made me want to wander around starkers!!!
Your feet and ankles can swell to such a degree they start to feel the same - mine didn't go down for 10 days after the birth (well, he was 10lbs 3 oz)
That it's almost impossible for your body to fight an infection AND breastfeed at the same time - you can do one, but not the other.
That having hubby in to watch is a 'bonding experience' for him and the child - #1 hubby never forgave his son for making me feel like that (conveniently forgetting it was *him* that started it all in the first place.....)
That it is possible to get stiched up 'wrong' (mine now got a pleat!) and it never feels the same again 'down there'

You will bleed that much, and there will be clots of it - and they will slip out when you stand up after lying down, and boy does it feel weird!

How outraged and defensive you will feel when some stranger tries to move your pram or buggy!

How wonderful home birth is, and how much more relaxed you can be when you know nobody is going to mess with your baby - you can really sleep when you want to, no visiting times to keep you awake

suekjw

Raksha wrote:

Oh - the sound effects with the episiotomy - that crunching noise - I can't joint a chicken without thinking about it......

I bet that's made a few of us wince!!!

tom_and_barbara_good

A sweet little surprise for me - my unborn getting hiccups 5 or 6 times per day.....ahhh

A tip for the sting when weeing after stitches - pour warm water over your nethers as you wee to flush it away quickly, a shampoo or shower spray if the best for this is you can make it reach to the loo, failing that just use a jug

Chrismojam

tranmererovers wrote:

....My second was 10 days late and although labour was spontaneous it all slowed down when baby dis engaged his head and turned around.....

LOL! Sorry, I've just had visions of the baby saying sod this for a lark I'm going back in!

emilyt

Have strangely been addicted to reading this site. Definately brought back all the experience of pregnancy, childbirth e.c.t.Never want to go through all that again.
When i had both my DD and when i visited anyone on the maternity ward there is always one women who had the biggest baby, didn't need stitches and was almost back to her pre pregnancy size almost straight away. Now that really p****d me off. LOL