Please help I cant believe ive been so stupid!

popp665

Ok to cut a long story short ive been a small time gambler for years up until recently when I started on line, I quickly built up 10k in 3 credit cards. I decided to get a loan to clear them because the interest was better.

I have just done the most stupid thing ever and blown the whole 10k loan in one terrible gambling session, i feel terrible and just dont know what to do. I now owe nearly 24k and will never be able to afford the high interest rates on the credit cards aswell as the loan.

I live with my parents and earn 16k a year before Tax, is there anyway out?

RHemmings

Hi.

I want to be careful here as tone doesn't come through properly in text. I mean to say the following in a friendly, attempting to help, manner rather than a sarcastic one.

Fundamentally, I think you need to go get help. I'm not an expert on who can help with gambling addictions (or whether you've crossed that line). But, until someone more experienced turns up, maybe you could start reading the materials on the http://www.gamcare.com/ site.

Good luck!

popp665

Believe me and I know every adddict will say this but there is no way I will ever do it again, ive excluded myself from the sites. I just need to know what the chances are of me getting a loan of around 20k unsecured to get me out of this mess!

Tixy

Very little chance of getting another loan.

What you need to do is to write out a full statement of affairs to see how much you can afford per month and how this compares to your committed outgoings. From there we can help see what options you have, hopefully your living costs will be fairly low and this will help you get out of this mess.

Complete this and post the results on here - http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html and we'll see how to help.

dprovan

hi popp665,

I have no expertise in terms of loans etc others are better placed to advise. However I have been where you are re gambling and just wanted to say that you are not alone.... The thing I have learned about gambling debts from my own experience is that there is no quick route or solution.... I dont know about you but one of the reasons I gambled was for instant gratification and when I faced up to the reality of what I had done I wanted an instant plan/solution but there wasn't one I have now started on a long journey to put things right... Whatever solution you find to deal with the money side dont forget to look after yourself

take care

Sarsie

popp665 wrote: »

Believe me and I know every adddict will say this but there is no way I will ever do it again,

Again I want to say please try to read this in a supportive non-judgemental tone too but this is what psychologists call "super optimism". It is when someone [someone with a socially undesirable issue eg, gambling] makes statements to the effect of that they will never do it again or that it will be easy for them to stop.

Super optimism isn't a true reflection of the way things are, it's a type of cognitive distortion, which means a wonky thought, that we do when we have cognitive dissodance. Cognitive dissodance means we're in an uncomfortable psychological position because we have two thoughts that don't sit well with each other such as "gambling is bad" and "I gamble".

You're not mad or bad or anything, it's a normal thing to do. We all have a whole range of cognitive disortions that allow us to function on a daily basis and not having them at all would mean you couldn't function in the real world. We have them for smoking, speeding, spending, not tidying up the house, anything that adds to our carbon footprint, eating unhealthy things etc... Cognitive distortions are normal and daily things, about big issues or small issues. My cognitive distortions allow me to ride a powerful motorcycle (I'll be fiiiiine) or over eat on puddings (if I'm not putting weight on it doesn't matter to my health) for example. Yours allow you to get 10k into debt and gamble the lot away in a night. I'm not judging you at all for this, please know that. I am trying to help show you how you have been able to develop and maintain this habit to such a self-destructive and upsetting level so that you are better equipped to be able to build a future in which you are good to yourself and happy.

I wanted you to know though that "there is no way I will ever do it again" is a text book example of super optimism. Super optimism actually makes it more likely that someone will slip back into their habits, not less likely.

If you are aware that although you really feel right now that you will never ever gamble again that it is actually very likely to happen again then you are better equipped to be able to take steps which will really help in the long run- like facing up to your gambling problem with some specific tailored support which is designed to help you break these entrenched habits.

All the best,

Sarsie

Tixy

Another thing that may help you is this thread - ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread
where you will see that there are plenty of others going through what you have and you will see that you are far from alone in having a combination of gambling and debt problems.